One Track Mind

I get a jugular buzz, would gladly kill for your love, can’t keep my eyes on you, you know you’re something new… Johnny Thunders

I concede I am a desperate junkie eternally looking for a fix. This addiction to all things two-wheeled knows not restraint. It starts innocently enough with the purchase of that entry level bike. Before long you're trying to beat the buzz from the last ride, little by little components are upgraded. That non descript, yet adequate black 10cm stem is replaced by a high lustre 9.5cm, 7 degree rise offering with ti fasteners, the bog standard, no-name single bolt seat post substituted for a 200g twin bolt, lazer etched unit, SPDs in favour of the OEM pedals and so the evolution continues.

Unable to resist that high end cro-moly frameset with a finish that has half the street salivating, the drawer that once played host to a collection of contact points and a pair of pedals has spawned a particularly fertile spares bin, reproducing on a seemingly weekly basis…

Suddenly, there’s a machine for all occasions, the back bedroom’s bulging, friends and family are finding their garages and basements colonised and you’re getting cold sweats at the thought of them having a clear out. Back in the late 80’s I knew of a man known affectionately as “Mad” Mark Silver. Mark’s passion was tandems and he had so many that Sedis (his Cat) moved out (!) An old school friend’s father had a similar love of Vespa scooters and must’ve spent twenty five consecutive years in his garage. We reasoned in our late teens that he clearly visited the house every now and then-after all he had two children...


Having lived in Utah and later California, I am very aware those of you based in the States are blessed by much larger houses with garages of equal proportion. In England a three bed house, modest garage and thirty metre rear garden is pretty much the limit for most ordinary folk. Oh for a dry basement and a workshop measuring 40ft x 20ft boasting heating, light, power and super fast broadband.

Obviously some recycling goes on amongst the fleet- the working bike/beater being the most frequent beneficiary but surplus stock is usually retained on the justification that it “ Might just come in handy”.

Typing this column has unbridled the beast of rationality, the one that roars " Liquidate some of your unwanted stock and plough the proceeds into new projects/ your latest heart's desire". The default medium is eBay but the prevalence of scams deters me- a shame given there's some mighty fetching framesets cropping up from time to time. Swap meets are another very obvious outlet but aren't nearly so popular in the UK which enjoys a tradition of cycle jumbles.

These are typically held at track/road race meets, manifesting themselves as table top sales full of older/unwanted kit. Quaint and often the place for a bargain but I like the underlying principle behind swap meets. There’s a whole heap of otherwise good stuff I could live without and a fair bit I would like to exchange it for. This compulsion is unlikely to find me lying dead in a New Orleans hotel room but like most dependency, it is probably quite wrong and conducive to a sticky end.

Elsewhere, Project Road Path has stepped up a gear. At the time of posting, the frameset remains firmly in the depths of an unnamed garage but I have found a suitable refinisher delighted to entertain the restoration. He even went to the trouble of taking me on a tour of the workshop, demonstrating the choice of chemical strip or gentle, yet effective vapour blast on a customer's aluminium frame. Threads are all masked off and cleaned thoroughly post painting and I can pretty much have any colour I please for the princely sum of £50...Watch this space...

Next: Let me go to the show- all the fun of the Cycle 2008 exhibition

Charitable Disposition

Fancy a tour of the former Soviet nations, turning a 76 inch gear and towing a laden Bob Yak? Dependant upon your persuasion, it’s either an amazing adventure forming the basis of a brilliant book, or a self indulgent, ego fuelled Gothic fantasy. Frankly, I think the former and all the more worthy if a charitable cause were to benefit (presumably a bonus could be negotiated for every border control you streak past…).

I'm no do-good er by any stretch of the imagination but feel we should all give to something, whether this by way of time or monetary donation. The sudden and totally unexpected death of my father last August prompted several months of soul searching, resulting in a planned ride to the summit of Mt Ventoux on behalf of Barnardo's the children's charity. Yes, I had intended the climb aboard a fixed (albeit using a 5 speed hub- is that the sound of sponsorship forms being torn to pieces?).

This doesn't merit further discussion here, primarily as the trip has been postponed for personal reasons and I’ve no time or respect for self indulgent bar room bravado.

The phrase "charity" conjures up images of massed start rides demanding months of administrative preparation. For many of us this is simply impractical. How about the members of your Tuesday night chain-gang chipping in a dollar for some worthy cause-it could be for a local hospice facing closure, granting a terminally ill child one special wish or simply treating a member of the group who's been going through the mill. Hell, why not build yourselves a collective hardship fund?

Components usually fail at the least opportune moment-often coinciding with an expiring washing machine/car/TV and/or tax demand. Sure, such schemes are open to abuse but managed properly, everyone benefits. Members of the group finding things tough could be gifted a new tyre/hub/chain etc to keep 'em rolling through the hard times. Come the end of the year, any surplus could be donated to a mutually agreed cause.

Sometimes bad things happen because good folk have done nothing....