Several weeks’ almost daily
service in suspiciously wintry conditions saw the Univega’s usually hygienic
drivetrain assume that thick, sludgy ruinous paste. Pressure of deadlines has
meant post ride wash and rises to prevent the salt monster moving in on the
tubby tourer’s livery and brightwork but leaving an extremely tenacious synthetic wet chain prep unsupervised had invited the wrong crowd.
Green oil’s range is amongst the
best lubes and cleaning potions I’ve come across-easily on par with
petrochemicals but without toxins or noxious synthetic odours. Budgeting for an
intensive twenty-minute race around, I’d hoisted my beloved workhorse aloft the
workstand and nipped to the garage for degreaser concentrate, bike wash, long
handled wooden bicycle brush and bucket of nigh on boiling water. Emerging
triumphant, things were progressing nicely as I dunked bristles in bucket,
introduced some concentrate and breezed round the crankset akin to a blue
bottle on speed, bringing the potent citrus potion to a very satisfying
barbers’ lather.
Left to fizz, I drizzled some
further concentrate from a smaller, pocket friendly container into the chain
links and outer plates, contaminating the cassette by shifting in both
directions along the block. Confident of good progress, I immersed said brush
and tickled the chain rings. Arguably cleaner (and doubtless acceptable under
normal, everyday circumstances) things still looked a little feted, so I
repeated the initial treatment but with little improvement.
Time management dictated recourse
to petrochemicals, in this instance unleaded petrol applied using a T shirt
from he clean rag pile (never leave those contaminated with solvents bunched
together, or you’ll run the risk of them spontaneously combusting-especially during
summer). Something of a mechanic’s standby and more aggressive than leaded
stuff, so reluctantly eradicated on these shores (because lacing with the
heavy, poisonous metal meant additional lubricant, thus car manufacturers could
use cheaper materials for valve seats/related engine components) the presence
of benzene and xylene still presents some very real health implications.
To my dismay, Tosco’s finest
95octane proved impotent against this vile residue, calling for removal and
intensive parts washer marinate. Having located 8mm Allen key and wound the
crank bolt free, it was time to introduce my faithful Sugino extractor tool,
only it had inexplicably seized solid (!) Firing some penetrative spray at
point blank range, wrestling them apart using two 17mm ring spanners solved
this and with it, expedient removal of cranks from tapers.
In full evangelist mode, I
decanted the now tepid water from the bucket and added fresh concentrate, mixed
with white vinegar for additional bite.
Some five minutes later sleet
began descending from the skies so I relocated to the kitchen. Flicking on the
radio brought chancellor George Osborne’s
carefully crafted, rousing budget speech peppered with expertly delivered
empty clichéd rhetoric, designed to whip
Essex man and Worcester woman into an orgasmic frenzy. “Aspiration nation” and
“hard working families” being this year’s slogans; although there seems little
coherent strategy save for remaining in power and hoping a boom in new build
housing with state underwritten mortgages will bolster morale’ and prove the
antidote to a seemingly flat-lining “zombie” economy.
Nonetheless, well channelled
anger can be power and five minutes frenetic scrubbing later, my cranks emerged
suitably pristine. I took the opportunity of removing some congealed gunge from
the bottom bracket’s splined interface, wiped the taper and sped the arms home
again… Lessons have been learned.
