The Sludge That Would Not Budge!

Several weeks’ almost daily service in suspiciously wintry conditions saw the Univega’s usually hygienic drivetrain assume that thick, sludgy ruinous paste. Pressure of deadlines has meant post ride wash and rises to prevent the salt monster moving in on the tubby tourer’s livery and brightwork but leaving an extremely tenacious synthetic wet chain prep  unsupervised had invited the wrong crowd.

Green oil’s range is amongst the best lubes and cleaning potions I’ve come across-easily on par with petrochemicals but without toxins or noxious synthetic odours. Budgeting for an intensive twenty-minute race around, I’d hoisted my beloved workhorse aloft the workstand and nipped to the garage for degreaser concentrate, bike wash, long handled wooden bicycle brush and bucket of nigh on boiling water. Emerging triumphant, things were progressing nicely as I dunked bristles in bucket, introduced some concentrate and breezed round the crankset akin to a blue bottle on speed, bringing the potent citrus potion to a very satisfying barbers’ lather.

Left to fizz, I drizzled some further concentrate from a smaller, pocket friendly container into the chain links and outer plates, contaminating the cassette by shifting in both directions along the block. Confident of good progress, I immersed said brush and tickled the chain rings. Arguably cleaner (and doubtless acceptable under normal, everyday circumstances) things still looked a little feted, so I repeated the initial treatment but with little improvement.  

Time management dictated recourse to petrochemicals, in this instance unleaded petrol applied using a T shirt from he clean rag pile (never leave those contaminated with solvents bunched together, or you’ll run the risk of them spontaneously combusting-especially during summer). Something of a mechanic’s standby and more aggressive than leaded stuff, so reluctantly eradicated on these shores (because lacing with the heavy, poisonous metal meant additional lubricant, thus car manufacturers could use cheaper materials for valve seats/related engine components) the presence of benzene and xylene still presents some very real health implications. 

To my dismay, Tosco’s finest 95octane proved impotent against this vile residue, calling for removal and intensive parts washer marinate. Having located 8mm Allen key and wound the crank bolt free, it was time to introduce my faithful Sugino extractor tool, only it had inexplicably seized solid (!) Firing some penetrative spray at point blank range, wrestling them apart using two 17mm ring spanners solved this and with it, expedient removal of cranks from tapers. 

   

In full evangelist mode, I decanted the now tepid water from the bucket and added fresh concentrate, mixed with white vinegar for additional bite.

Some five minutes later sleet began descending from the skies so I relocated to the kitchen. Flicking on the radio brought chancellor George Osborne’s  carefully crafted, rousing budget speech peppered with expertly delivered empty  clichéd rhetoric, designed to whip Essex man and Worcester woman into an orgasmic frenzy. “Aspiration nation” and “hard working families” being this year’s slogans; although there seems little coherent strategy save for remaining in power and hoping a boom in new build housing with state underwritten mortgages will bolster morale’ and prove the antidote to a seemingly flat-lining “zombie” economy.

Nonetheless, well channelled anger can be power and five minutes frenetic scrubbing later, my cranks emerged suitably pristine. I took the opportunity of removing some congealed gunge from the bottom bracket’s splined interface, wiped the taper and sped the arms home again… Lessons have been learned.