Death of a Wingman

Alas after a particularly spirited coastal ride atop my handlebars, an untimely, slow-speed spill saw my cutesy little camcorder friend choke seemingly to death, having ingested seawater. Despite concerted resuscitation efforts at the scene, he hasn’t so much as flickered since.

Now, I am culpable on two counts (sob) (a) having left his airtight polycarbonate house at home since I wasn’t planning on getting near the water’s edge or indeed anything more challenging than smooth singletrack. (b) I opened the casing in an attempt to avert disaster. Arguably the most effective means of voiding warranties perhaps but nonetheless I approached Delkin Europe, volunteering this information with a view to repair (at cost to yours truly).

Cynics will be rolling their eyes but in my experience, shaggy dog stories quickly become apparent and their purveyors treated with palpable contempt…Hmm yes, TIG welded 4130 mountain bike framesets failing catastrophically while “Just riding along”, rear mechs that suddenly fail after a fortnight. So that ten-foot drop-off hadn’t a hand in things…Bottom line, pros of any description aren’t silly, quickly spot tell-tale signs of abuse/neglect/tampering and are justly unappreciative of having their intelligence insulted.

A few polite emails later reveals these units are literally factory fit n’ forget, thus cannot be repaired in the event of impact or water damage. Ultimately, we couldn’t reach a mutually agreeable arrangement regarding a replacement  so with no hard feelings, I’ll put it down to experience and keep my eyes peeled for a comparable alternative. By contrast, that VDO X1DW literally hasn’t missed a beat these past few weeks and is much easier to install/calibrate than the plethora of cable ties might suggest. Solid, reliable technology and eleven functions provide plenty of useful data for generic training without feeling overly complex.

While busy, the display stops short of overcrowded-it took several outings before I noticed the little pacer arrow that sets an encouraging as removed from nagging tone. Unlike speed sensors, wireless cadence units still tend to be reliable by varying degrees, reliant upon magnets passing a hair’s breadth from their metaphorical mother ship. Attaching the former to differing profiles of crank arm seems to be another chore since zip ties show a tendency for slippage with subsequent loses of connectivity. Fear not, the VDO is very quick to announce this fact courtesy of a flashing zero tucked adjacent to current speed, though thankfully this vanishes after ninety seconds or so, thus not distracting rider attention, or spoiling an otherwise satisfying ride.

Creature of the night, I consider backlights invaluable and its omission a slightly disappointing oversight but one I’m prepared to overlook when build quality and asking price are factored into the equation. Elsewhere, the book venture has been gathering further momentum-managed to fit in another 3,000 words, which doesn’t sound particularly notable but little and often is markedly better than bouts of sporadic intensity. 

A pronounced silence from traditional publishers draws me ever closer to the world of electronic e-book type, something of a dent to my fragile male ego perhaps but having it languishing in hard drives and memory sticks isn’t an option. I laid down a personal challenge to get a book to publishable state before hitting forty-a milestone thing that would draw a positive line under the previous decade. Talking of which, having left theatre following corrective surgery to my crushed digit, a woman working in a quasi-nursing/patient liaison role blundered into the side room where I was decanting gowns in favour of street togs and seemed determined to probe. Like most people, I have some minor insecurity body-wise - scarring from welding and others acquired from cycling/motorcycling specifically.

For the most part I don’t give them a second thought, though she seemed oblivious to the verbal cues indicating that I wanted a few moments privacy to button my shirt. Had she asked if it were permissible to converse with me while I finished dressing, I could’ve gently asked her to leave but instead she continued to pry, focusing upon my age, what I was planning to do for my fortieth birthday etc. I’m also a little sensitive about my age these days but only in relation to attainment. Introspection of this kind was extremely unwelcome, however well-intentioned… 

Long steady evening saunters on the fixer have resumed, restoring my confidence accordingly. Much to my surprise, Purple Harry dry lube is also proving pretty competitive, returning 160 miles from a single helping. Unlike the Finish Line Ceramic Wax, it employs a plant based ethylene thickener, which remains pretty flammable, though has lesser environmental impact than boron nitride and similar petrochemical agents. Assuming you’ve introduced as per instructions, left curing for sixty minutes or so before heading off; staying power is surprisingly good. In common with other emulsion types a slightly grimy patina proliferates the links given thirty miles, whereupon it steadily flakes away, leaving behind a seemingly invisible PTFE coating yet no hint of that familiar metallic tinkling.

Contrary to some other markedly similar formulas it also works wonders on other interfaces, namely cleats, jockey wheels and even control cables without recourse to unexpected water displacer surgery on account of them gumming up given a week or so. Soggier conditions take their toll on outright longevity, dipping to sixty-five miles between top-ups when negotiating soft singletrack but reapplications in most other contexts can be direct sans chain bath/ scrubbing. These attributes shouldn’t be overlooked in a touring context either, though be prepared to reapply more frequently in damp and indeed humid conditions. Speaking of touring, you’ll have to excuse me; this here Raleigh Sojourn’s a calling…

Fixed (Almost Claims) Finger

This is one of those urban myth turns disturbingly real moments on a par with the infamous worn shoe cleat incident back in 2008. Having reverted to some 25mm thick slicks and given the Ilpompino a quick blow over with this here Purple Harry bike wash, I was cleansing the transmission with a cloth dipped in Shell’s finest when a moment’s distraction saw my index fingers sandwiched between revolving 1/8^th half-link track chain and razor sharp EAI sprocket.

Those initial seconds of panic suggested partially severed digit but ten hours in accident and emergency revealed “severe crush injuries”-fractured fingertip, badly damaged nail bed and related complications. To their credit, the empathy and professionalism shown by surgical and nursing staff was truly phenomenal and serves to illustrate how fortunate we in the UK are to have a national health service of this calibre. However, successive administrations have been eroding this precious resource, or undermining its credibility with frightening stealth.

Subsequent visit meant seven hours wait, thirty-five minutes under local anaesthetic as the surgeon skilfully flush the wounded area with saline and disinfectant before removing the nail bed, suturing damaged tissues. Since then I’ve partaken in a cathartic “hair of the dog” ritual, drizzling fresh lube into each and every link in much he same fashion as we might hop back on following a spill to prevent aversion/irrational fear taking hold. Having repatriated bike, workstand and assorted potions to their rightful place in the garage, it occurs to me that for the most part magic bike wash formulas are variations upon a relatively similar theme.

More aggressive types contain greater intensities of ionic surfactants, commonly found in domestic detergents, which while effective, can ultimately lead to streaking and in some cases corrosion around eyelets, sometimes plated/polished sections too. That said, this is easily countered with periodic furniture polish/polymer wax treatments. Gentler formulas are kinder, albeit higher maintenance-especially when witches’ brews of road specific grime’s involved.   

So, what have we learned from this particular tale of woe? Always use a long handled brush and turn the wheel, as apposed to cranks cautiously when fettling chains-that goes for single-speeds too- you have been warned. Hope this episode hasn’t spooked Joshua since he’s been revelling in two-wheeled freedom these past few weeks.

Incident aside, the majority of that week was spent aboard the Teenage Dream, which is as rewarding as ever to ride once I’d cured the Regina screw on block’s protesting pawl springs with a few drops of winter weight Weldtite wet lube and substituted the Prolite Cles for this droop snoot Selle SMP strike plus cutaway. The otherwise technically superlative grey polymer bar wrap has started looking decidedly jaded-hence will be superseded by these rather ravishing Ritchey reels but that’s about the extent of modification. Oldie but goodie, we dropped two macho boys who drew alongside with a competitive stance while said twenty something and I whizzed serenely through the twisties. Regular Thursday nighter’s who’ve shown laden Univega and I a clean set of hoops on several occasions, they seemed more than a little surprised when I cruised past, giving considerably greater clearance than they typically afford me.

 One clung to my rear wheel in a desperate attempt to save face (overtaken by a fella riding a friction shift-oh the shame!) but rapidly relented as tempo and gradients increased. I’m all for a bit of friendly competition but don’t take kindly to etiquette that belongs in bunch sprints, not sleepy backwaters. 

Overtake so as not to almost nudge bars, or causing the “slower” rider to brake sharply to avoid collision. Shame I wasn’t wearing the wingman that evening- would’ve made good footage. Speak of the devil, slightly wibble prone handlebar bracket and irksome micro (as opposed to fully fledged) SD card aside, I’m really chuffed by the little camera, which delivers audio/visual feedback on par with Go Pro’s hero and has as many mounts as one could possibly crave.

Will try and upload some evidence in the coming weeks once a 32gb card arrives and my braking hand has healed satisfactorily. Continuing this disciplined theme comes the book’s resurrection with a provisional Christmas completion date. Approaches to established publishers have reaped relatively little reward, historically and currently so I may succumb to the lure of Amazon’s e-book platform, if only to ensure its tangible existence.