Friday night, Saturday Morning

“Hope the chip shop isn’t closed, ‘Cos their pies are really nice. I’ll eat it in the taxi queue; standing in someone else’s spew. Wish I had lipstick on my shirt, instead of piss-stains on my shoes. I go out on Friday night and I come home on Saturday morning”…Terry Hall (The Specials)

Looking for gigs down seedy back alleys, has life become that desperate? Well, perhaps not, although joining the Hare Krishna movement as they sashayed joyfully through the lower shopping precinct proved intensely compelling- for all of thirty seconds.

Mirth aside, the sense of urgency is becoming increasingly apparent. Lateral, pragmatic thought and a cool, rational head, coupled with steely determination and self-belief are imperative. The Reliant (?) based trike has not rematerialized, so I’ve been unable to glean anymore spec, or owner-wise.

While not a subscriber to the suggestion that machines are extensions of personality, I’m always fascinated by the human interest stories behind the spec-sheet. Nonetheless and along these lines, it also inspired another photographic project, which is presently being broadcast on Stenning photographic’s Facebook page.

On the test bench, mucky lanes and grotty spring weather have revealed some minor, though not unexpected weaknesses in those BBB slimguard fenders. Subjectively, good quality fittings and materials have ensured good, silent tenure to the Teenage dream and they do look pretty sharp. However, overall performance is good, rather than ground-breaking.

30mm tyres are pretty optimistic by my reckoning, since 25mm will still result in some residual spray decorating the stay and top section (though I’ve never succumbed to a soggy backside). Even allowing that 5mm gap, accumulated mulch lodged between rear tyre and mudguard. This was predictable given fag paper clearances and hasn’t caused more serious binding to date.    

Rear triangle and bottom bracket still get a liberal spattering, ditto feet, so pack overshoes and/or waterproof socks are imperative on longer/really wet rides. Cannibalising an old set of clip-on race blades for their mud-flaps has certainly improved matters without tainting the aesthetic.

In stock guise, riding companions don’t get a face-full, so you won’t get dirty looks, or the silent treatment-for this at least. Aside from going the bespoke route, an option if you sought the last word in customisation, these are probably the closest I’ll come to proper-full length guards on this build, without spending a bundle, so am relatively accepting of compromise.

Besides, it’s presented an ideal opportunity to assess another batch of bike washes, polishes and anti/lubes…Traditional all-purpose lubricants have tended to be based around vegetable oils, which in the long-term causes hinges and sprung mechanisms to gum up uselessly requiring healthy blasts of water displacer.

So far, Green Oil’s latest challenger seems pretty good. It’s relatively thin and broadly comparable with three-seasons ISO/PTFE chain preps. I’ve drizzled some into the Teenage Dream’s elderly 6 speed Regina freewheel mechanism, locks and arthritic door hinges to good effect. Simon Nash is so confident of its safety; he’s been guzzling some here. https://www.facebook.com/BicycleOil

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Other brands have produced similar demos with theirs. Personally, I avoid ingesting chemicals wherever possible but we get the idea!  Seven Day Cyclist (www.sevendaycyclist.com) has just received their new eco grease, which has not only been refined for this season but soon to grease gun compatible, which makes it that bit easier and cleaner when applying to bearing races, fasteners and other threaded components.

Talking with Justin Burls, suggested that any high quality grease should be fine when mating titanium surfaces together, ditto steel and titanium. My preference has always erred in favour of high spec petrochemical ceramic products on anything space-age, so it will be interesting to see how this bio formula holds up on contact points, cleat bolts and similar quick-seize fasteners.

Down tubes and Phantom Squeaks

Riding, rather like music has always served as an escape. The ability to blast along under your own steam and at a decent pace, blowing everything into perspective has been every bit as enticing, dare I say addictive as lightweight framesets, components, apparel and tech. Judging by several cycling-centric novels and biographies I’ve been reviewing lately, I’m not alone.

Numb of bum and brain, having spent several hours slaving over a keyboard; the soft, enticing whisper of deserted lanes is hard to resist. Mild, wet winters have seen a pronounced spike in pothole fertility. While highways agencies and local authorities send gangs of mastic asphalt spreaders to patch large sections of our infrastructure, tubby tourer and I have been embracing the deviations.

Crime is perceived as an urban phenomenon but metal thieves and similar shady “entrepreneurial” types often emerge, taking advantage of isolation, casing farm buildings and abandoned properties under the cover of darkness. 

This encourages a surprisingly brisk tempo through certain sections. In other respects, I like the eerie quiet-conducive to contemplation, whether it be formulating opinions/conclusions on components/accessories, or formulating new characters/plotlines for short story projects.

Talking of which, the illustrator I snapped up last week is eager to bring my children’s stories together in a series and has also come up with some fantastic ideas of his own. I’m looking forward to his work and getting these some proper exposure.

Back to bikes and the arrival of some fresh bike wash, bottle cages and other test staples saw me cleaning several weeks’ worth of salty spatter from my Univega.Depending on their grade, even stainless fasteners will eventually succumb-especially chainstay bridge bolts and others blasted with wet, mucky stuff. These generally get a quick squirt of PTFE lube to preserve their finish and mobility-usually post wash. 

However, the Univega’s lowest slung bottle mounts hadn’t been given a second thought in a few seasons. Thankfully, these had just turned arthritic, not right royally seized; Liberated with a quick shot of PTFE spray, T handled Allen key and some choice words.              

Re-dressing their threads in stodgy wet lube, I substituted the elderly (18 year old) but remarkably well-preserved Kalloy cage for this Topeak Shuttle. Semi/Compact geometry frames have been a positive revolution, meaning most people can find a production frame to fit. 

However, smaller riders may find two standard cages and bottles problematic.

Several manufacturers have addressed this, often with side-entry designs such as these Lezyne. The Topeak is a more traditional looking option.

Made from engineering grade plastic with integral metal washers to prevent fatigue caused by over-tightening, I’ve been porting it around the bosses, tenure with standard trade and tool caddy bottles is reassuringly good-even off road but intentional release isn’t gunslinger quick. A few more weeks are needed before definite conclusions can be reached. 

Since we’re on the subject, I’ve always liked several bottle mounts.However, those beneath the down tube is anything but ideal for rider refreshment-unless bottles feature protective caps, balloons (or condoms) are the only barrier between you and some extremely nasty bacteria thrown up by the front wheel. 

The latter also invites relentless ridicule from riding companions and sideways glances from other passers by. I’ve even had a very determined terrier attempt to scoff one while I’d nipped in to a farm shop for some mid ride sustenance! Hustling along one such deserted stretch; my silence was rudely interrupted by some intermittent and disconcerting squeaks.

Hauling in the front lever and coasting into a clearing, I checked the obvious candidates-bottom bracket, cranks and pedals... Saddle cradle...Nothing. Hopping back in the saddle and scooting off, I diagnosed a slack cassette lock-ring but bereft of hyper cracker tool, resisted the urge to hammer for those remaining 15miles.

Continuing the down tube theme, this Unich “detonator style” mini floor pump also arrived for testing. Well finished and surprisingly svelte by genre standards, despite rough roads and lumpy forest tracks, it hasn’t slipped along the resin bracket, allowing the handle to rattle woodpecker fashion against the frame.

This can lead to tiny dents on really thin-walled tubing, or mark finishes, hence my precautionary strip of “Helicopter” tape where these make contact. This version is reckoned to deliver 110psi, which is a little short of ideal for really high pressure training and race rubber but more than adequate for touring and wider section training types.

Swapping between Presta and Schrader valves is equally straightforward. Simply unscrew and plug on. No swapping (or losing) tiny bits by the roadside on a cold, rainy night. A boon should your tag along or trailer wheel get a flat. On that note, I’ll end with this clever use of defunct butyl