Hot Air

Perhaps I’m in a minority but despite having preferential telephone listings that theoretically prevents invasive cold-call telesales; I am pretty much guaranteed to experience cognitive interruptus while someone reading from a script and on commission-only contract unleashes their sales patter- double glazing, loft insulation, kitchen scrappage (or whatever laxative scheme the present administration can inject into a merely flatulent UK economy).

Thrust from academia back in the mid-1990s into a landscape of immediate starts and media sales, it seems eerily familiar two decades on. Having been one of those battery-grads cruising through a printed call-list, supervisor over one’s shoulder checking to ensure everyone is rigidly conforming to company schpeel; I’m generally compassionate in my decline.

Hard sell artists on the other hand engage my subversive streak, especially as I’ve since discovered there’s a commonly used database linking my landline with an unrelated property several miles away. Often I have sent cocky sales monkeys on fool’s missions in the hope a seamless procession of unwelcome vans bearing solar panels, “installation engineers” and “surveyors” descending on their doorstep might see the penny drop.

Inner tubes tend to be forgotten until we’re assaulted by a heavily patched butyl octopus when sweeping into the garage, or serenaded with the dreaded hiss miles from civilisation, only to discover spares didn’t come along for the ride.  It’s amazing how many will spend good money on a top-flight wheelset for whatever purpose, yet bung in the cheapest, wafer thin, poorly moulded fare with excruciatingly vulnerable valve stems.

Twenty eight years back, Latex tubes were revered by time trialists/road racers (who weren’t necessarily die hard tubular devotees) on account of their low weight and rolling resistance when paired with the best clinchers. Abrasion and therefore, puncture resistance was another feature manufacturers were quick to promote in the era’s cycling press. Not without merit either; since the material tolerates considerable deformity and it’s precisely this fluidity that resists pinch and penetration flatting.

However, since Latex is porous, received wisdom suggested daily (rather than weekly) inflation with narrower, high pressure tyres experiencing greatest losses of pressure. Specialist sealants lining their interior walls supposedly counteract this without blunting performance advantages but then of course, said material has no blocking property so degrades really quickly exposed to extremes of temperature, UV light oils and indeed heat induced during braking. Hmm, seems glaringly obvious why these haven’t become universally adopted.

Goo-filled models certainly fired public imagination, or should I say faith, which is no bad thing if it encourages people to ride more generally. However, green gloop enjoys a lifespan of around six, possibly nine months before losing mobility, or in some instances leaking through the valve stems, leaving trails of mysterious spatter marks.

Admittedly; they’ll owe you nothing if you’ve enjoyed trouble free commutes during this time but very messy should a particularly vindictive sharp burrow home. In common with patch kits, qualities vary and sometimes it boils down to faith/other decidedly “unscientific” stuff.

Whatever your preference, track pumps are probably the most cost and labour saving acquisitions for newbies-enabling optimum pressures with nominal effort, greatly extending tyre life, reducing punctures, improving ride quality/comfort and damage associated with potholes, ruts and similarly destructive surface imperfections.

My first was a Silca unit-all steel with bright orange barrel and lozenge shaped handle. Pressure gauges bore only passing affinity with reality but these were easily and inexpensively rebuilt (mine finally expired after eleven years’ relentless service).

Actually, I part exchanged it with a then local dealer/friend, in favour of a deluxe version sporting longer barrel, smoother piston and wooden handle.  More than adequate for most contexts perhaps but designs have come along immeasurably since with greater refinements, not to mention improved accuracy.

I’ve always run higher end metal models alongside a cheap, yet cheerful composite (back up-more convenient consuming less car space when attending race meets, a week’s cottage based touring escape etc).

However, the trend for loftier designs has been a godsend for efficiency-requiring notably fewer strokes, while overcoming the discomfort of being stooped. Arguably this latter point’s a moot one in two bike households but those with bigger fleets, or taller riders serving as race-service/club mechanics.

Loftier desingns, especially those exceeding 68cm can be a little unstable-so look for a nice, sturdy base. Oh and in these times of terrorist anxiety, be wary about using them on the drive since ignorant passers-by may believe you are preparing to detonate explosives. Absurd-perhaps but alas I’ve already been on the receiving end of such hysteria once this week! Now going to educate myself regarding platforms and other digital/e book structures….