F is for frustration...Oh and fetish!

The onset of warmer weather rekindles my desire to press onward with the Holdsworth's rebirth. Repair to the shell, bottle mounts and of course, new finish. I'm leaning toward a chrome effect powder base-coat with a two pac 5012 top coat to give the impression of a plated triangle but without the harmful processes. However, while I'm renown for creative solutions and lateral thought, some things require capital investment and the behaviours of one small-scale publisher is testing my patience to the absolute limit. This came to a head last week when a second copy of the current issue dropped through my letterbox sans cheque! In stark contrast, Moore Large have sent these butyl tubes gratis since they couldn't supply me with the thorn resistant Kenda on time. Being Knog's UK distributor, they've also left me this veritable hum vee of a bag to play with...

Knog never cease to amuse with their bizarre but oh so clever marketing and that promoting their Pig Dog 15.5 messenger bag is no exception. The blurb suggests the PR boys and girls have been enjoying too many rides on the magic roundabout but if you can wear the hefty £96 price tag, it could prove the perfect urbane companion for riders seeking a stylish, waterproof town satchel on and sans bike but without messenger pretensions. Made from hand stitched, hard wearing 1200 denier cotton duck, full to bursting capacity is an eye-popping twenty-four litres. Being a social chameleon, it can be taken anywhere, especially through airport security with the minimum of fuss which is more than can be said of an otherwise fine example made from hemp with that oh so distinctive aroma....

Polar opposite in their marketing strategy, BBB Ultra tech bib shorts are the embodiment of professional with twelve panel construction, flat seams, silicone grippers gracing every contour perfectly for maximum comfort and unrestricted movement. Inserts can make or break a short. Common to similarly priced designs, it's gender specific, mapped out with the full compliment of supportive/pressure relieving grooves. two layer construction consists of a moisture wicking top-sheet that retains a cool, dry inner climate while the " Silver protection" combats bacterial build up, maintaining good hygiene and odour control. Music to my derriere these past few weeks and six hundred miles, the two tone livery might not be every one's cuppa and some reinforcement would be welcomed around the seat but they're a shrewd option for long days in the saddle without the boutique pricing. Beset by occasional but unnerving bouts of writer's block, I've been seeking inspiration from all manner of places and with Joshua at a loose end, we headed to Maldon Shotblasting & powder coating too see what was on offer. Nestling amongst the rows of freshly TIG welded go-cart chassis awaiting blasting and painting was this Trek. Determining the year of build was tricky since it's made from Cro-moly, the rear stays have an early 90's heritage and curiously the well finished vertical ends sported a disc mount....

Further intrigue came courtesy of Justin Burls and this frameset made for two...I'll arrange to come and visit him at his new premises and if I ask nicely perhaps he'll fill me in. In the meantime should you fancy something bespoke from the finest grade Russian titanium then have a look at his site: http://www.burls.co.uk/

Ending on a surreal note, SKS airchamp pro is a very fine way of raising a flaccid road tyre to 110psi in eight seconds. A clever thumb switch enables controlled release, as opposed to jettisoning an entire cylinder which might not seem ideal when trying to rejoin the peleton but comes into it's own, out with the chain gang. With hydraulic arms you've cajoled eighty-five psi from the hand-pump but it's locked out and that race rubber's begging for 125. Plug on the airchamp and top-up (checking periodically with your tyre gauge to avoid blowing it from the rim!) There's even a safety catch to prevent unintentional discharge...So, there was I bowling along the lanes when whooooooooooooooooosh- the cartridge engaged in my messenger knickers, refreshing the parts Co2 inflators weren't intended for and at £2.50 a hit, this won't develop into a fetish!

Contagious Carbon & Conspiracy Theories

Forget the swine flu pandemics, I appear to be gripped by a frenzy of carbon conversion. This time it’s the turn of Izzie, my beloved Ilpompino. Having seen the new Genesis Day-One- basically a Reynolds 520 framed cyclo crosser with track ends, carrier, fender mounts and flip/flop hub I am thinking very, very seriously about a revamping the Ilmpompino too thanks to an ITM carbon cross fork and a simple conversion to cross rubber. Afterall, with some obvious nods in the direction of the road path genre, the Ilpompino is in effect a crosser with track ends so it makes sense to exploit these characteristics to their full potential. Gearing of around sixty to sixty-three inches is practical sans asphalt with something in the seventies for grinding away on metalled road. A very refined Ritchey post provides some additional luxury and will compliment the ITM fork superbly.

The sturdy Surly rack is staying put as while I don’t rush to fit racks per se, it means a pannier or two can be towed should fancy take me. One of the main advantages over the venerable Genesis in my eyes are wide armed cantilevers giving better modulation, feel and mud clearance. Mini Vs seem to crop in and out of vogue but my main (relatively mild) aversion to them stems from their need to run so close to the rim, clogging at the first hint of mud and grit.

Wheels are less of a concern but tyres are a little tricky. There’s some loose talk of snow in the weeks following Christmas but this to me is little more than bored weather forecasters wanting to capture the public’s imagination and evoke a more magical aura to the festive season.

Therefore, the Schwalbe studded snow tyres are overkill and will remain firmly tucked away in their corner of the workshop for now. However, these Panasonic Mach semi slicks in 35mm form should be fine for firmer trail and mixed work- they’re not the best in wet, muddy conditions though so we’ll have to see what the weather front brings. On the subject of weather, Justin (Burls) has made the brave step to recovery and cleaned his winter bike- he’s even supplied proof and can faithfully say there’s been no foul play, no photo-shopping here! This loyal, high mileage (and some might say, mistreated) racy winter companion extrudes a really authentic lived-in beauty that makes it all the more desirable. True, the salt monster has left his calling card on the crank arms but despite countless miles in all weathers, it looks remarkably well preserved and certainly owes him nothing. Old faithful is fairly unique being one of Justin’s earlier frames painstakingly finished in automotive two-pac rather than stoved enamel. Those in search of glamour will undoubtedly left mesmerized by his latest sub 15lb Ti road build but I must confess irrational, nay guilty attraction to his Rosso red workhorse. Yes, deep down I acknowledge this is wrong, on a par with fancying your best mate’s wife/husband and such public declaration is likely to find me prohibited from passing within four hundred metres of his workshop. However, assuming Justin and I remain on speaking terms following these revelations, I hope to be back in the New Year with polishing cloth, Waxoyl and MR Sheen-er, I mean a full report on his latest featherweight Ti missile.
Maybe a consequence of my vocation but I’ve become slightly jaded by professional cycling’s fall from grace- that is to say, I expect and am almost nonplussed by scandal and revelation. Sometimes, usually as the elderly Ka and I are meandering along another stretch of motorway at steady speeds, these things resonate within me. Is there something inherent to competitive cycling which predisposes it to doping and similar cheating or is it the consequence of enormous commercial interest that applies to many others? I have arrived at the conclusion the media spotlight concentrates on cycling as a soft option, wanting to pretend dark undercurrents don’t flow through soccer, athletics, show jumping and of course, golf!

A very prudent observation is that cycling, though specifically cycle racing needs to focus on getting it’s own house sorted rather than pointing to other sports and disciplines as a convenient distraction. Otherwise it is behaving in the way of a defensive child retorting they’ve done better than little Johnny or Joanna… I must confess to being fond of historical scandals- Coppi and the White Lady, Anquetil and his interesting solutions to his wives' infertility being two of particular note. However, the dirtier side of corruption, sleaze and quasi ritualised drug taking in some teams disappoints yet doesn’t surprise me. I hate to say it but cheating in competitive sport is here to stay, detection just becomes increasingly difficult.

Researching the death of Johnny Thunders, former New York Dolls guitarist and Heartbreakers' front man in a seedy New Orleans motel some twenty years back draws interesting parallels with Marco Pantani's mysterious demise. Both share the open and shut junkie overdose/suicide label but they smack of botched investigation/laziness on part of the authorities. Thunders had been openly critical of the music industry for some time and was battling heroin addiction with large quantities of methadone acquired in London.

Contrary to the rock and roll cliche' he wasn't found dead on the toilet, guitar around his neck but very badly beaten. Pantani's career had been overshadowed by depression and rumor of cocaine addiction on an industrial scale. Allegedly, he died in his hotel room on February 15th 2004 having "trashed it" beforehand yet his body was found with perfectly manicured fingernails...

Snow drives back the foot that's slow, the dogs of doom are howling low. Despite my cynicism, we've had eight inches of snowfall overnight and six hours without power and I'm annoyed at not seizing the moment and getting the Ilpompino ready, or at least shodding the Univega with snow tyres...