The Emperor's New Forks

Plenty of excitement-of the right and wrong sort this past fortnight; continued progress with the children’s stories, a couple of hours spent interviewing Austin Vince (www.austinvince.com) leading up to his adventure travel film festival on 12-14^th August. http://www.adventuretravelfilmfestival.com/

Then along came tyres that would not mount, mechs that swung too far and of course; a “Forking hell! My blades/steerer are divorcing!!!” drama.

Thankfully; this was all sorted with a call to upgrade bikes www.upgradebikes.co.uk. Two minutes later, Rory sorted me a set of Kinesis DC37 at a very compassionate price. Two days later, they arrived at my door suitably boxed to fox the notorious parcel destroyers, along with a brand-spanking new hacksaw.

I knew I had a packet fresh, replacement blade “somewhere” but rather than wasting time, simply ordered another saw, specifically for guillotining steerer tubes. Some will argue this is unnecessary expense; most of us replace forks every-so-often.

Maybe so, but £6 pales into insignificance compared to a badly cut tube, or operator injury. Keeping two sets of wire snips is also good practice; one for everyday jobs-cutting zip ties, plastic housing, wire fencing to length etc and another specifically for inner wires-they’ll repay their investment countless times over.

Back to the forks; these are a keenly priced and relatively lightweight composite set with an alloy steerer, disc mount and 45 degree rake. Check out a full review in Seven Day Cyclist. http://www.sevendaycyclist.com/kinesis-dc37-disc-fork

Kinesis frames and forks are well made and this one seems particularly good for a budget fork; countering the perpetuating myth that composites go floppy with age, or should be arbitrarily replaced at specific intervals. Personally, I’m inclined to inspect regularly and, in the event of a serious tumble, consult a specialist and make an informed decision.

Bottom line, I’ll pension off anything dubious. The cost implications of new teeth, time off work, or the prospect of having shards of composite plucked from my derriere by an overworked and underpaid A&E nurse far exceeds that of a replacement post/handlebar/fork.

I was tempted to plump for their Crosslight. These are a slightly quirky, industrial looking 6061 set, which I’ve used to good effect on a cross inspired mtb mongrel. There's  only 70g separating them from the Dc37. 

However, while I’d describe the Crosslight as direct, rather than harsh; carbon blades translate into a more compliant ride. Ideal opportunity for headset replacement-another FSA, from the comfort of one’s kitchen, naturally. 

Talking of comfort, I am largely a MAMIL (Middle aged man in Lycra) for point to point blasts; though I’ve always had a soft spot for “messenger” longs, which are extremely practical for spirited riding, yet more suave, dare we say, socially appropriate sans bike.

Price is usually a good indicator; although I have three particular favourites are at each end of the spectrum (£25-£75). Given this backdrop, I was decidedly disappointed by another top drawer set commanding the lion’s share of £100. 

No denying their appeal sans saddle but the cut saw them ascending my thighs faster than an 80’s Columbian climber. Could just be a poor liner/short combo, so I’ll persevere for another 100miles or so before passing comment proper.

Elsewhere, I’d been eager to get my sweaty little mitts on tom-tom’s bandit action cam for some time, attracted by its spec and promise of user-friendly editing.

Suggestion that action cams, regardless of quality are serious film-making tools is misinformed. Limited focal length and sound recording quality are the most obvious limiters but they are a useful way of recording the highs n’ lows of a ride, broadcasting short, first-look promotional pieces on social media channels.

Convergence; crudely the adoption of SLR cameras for film-making and we can now edit footage without having access to professional editing suites. However, as Austin Vince pointed out during our interview; the grammar of television-the way in which stories are told remains unchanged and must be mastered first.

I’ve seen several “Uncle Bobs” produce abysmal wedding footage using completely stock, entry Level DSLRS in movie mode. Undeterred, I’m going to learn this language at my own pace, while having some uncomplicated fun with the Bandit…

Makeover Magic: The Ilpompino's New Clothes

Sometimes deadlines are like a slow but consistently burning fuse. Having caught up following last weeks’ IT crisis, I headed off to Maldon Shot Blasting & Powder Coating to witness and document my frames’ transformation stage by stage. 

After the usual pleasantries, conversation turned to other enticing projects booked with them including lugged n’ brazed 531 frames from the early 1990s and various classic car shells/chassis awaiting blast and/or structural repair.

Chris examined the Ilpompino’s factory livery and decided it was best left soaking in their methyl chloride tank prior to blasting. Sometimes, depending on the existing paint, it’s possible to skip straight to the blast cabinet.

Once the active ingredient in over-the-counter stripping products; methyl chloride is a nasty carcinogenic, so now the preserve of controlled contexts. This is diluted with water to prevent evaporation but agitating the depths unleashes an unmistakable, pungent odour.  After fifteen minutes marinating in the stagnant looking chemical soup, Chris dons rubber gauntlets and delves deep.

My frame emerges seconds’ later, almost completely bare save for some localised residual silty paint. Passed through the glass bead cabinet and several minutes’ intensive tickling reveals a bare, dimpled surface; it also confirms my initial suspicions of surface pitting where the salt monster had nibbled the right chainstay.

This doesn’t dictate Metafil, or similar specialist fillers but Chris gently sands it flat before masking and plugging threaded sections. Critics of powder coating cite that achieving two or more colour effects requires applying 2pac or similar wet spray paints atop. This is relatively labour intensive, costly too...

Given this backdrop, a two-tone powder coat finish sounds a bit risky but Chris and Graham seem completely comfortable with the commission.

Regardless of family, all paints have unique characteristics according to their colours/pigments. My French blue/grey effect leads Graham to introduce a thinner, corrosion inhibiting zinc phosphate primer, which won’t risk imperfections in the top coats.  

Midway through this formative stage my Sony Alpha SLR camera body gets the sulks. Despite frantic efforts to re-dial settings, it refuses to deliver three frames per second required. Hastily diverting to my trusty NEX5 ensures there’s minimal loss of footage.

Confident of even coverage, “Izzie” is passed through the curing oven for fifteen minutes and our attentions turn to locating French blue (5024) and a complimentary  grey.  A hearty cheer erupts, signalling both polyester powders are in stock and in plentiful quantity.

Graham starts by loading the 5024, confirms a good flow rate by depressing the gun a few times and returns to the curing oven. Moments later, the frame is earthed and ready to receive the colour coat. Graham covers the main triangle under a blanket of pale blue before checking the powder is heaped uniformly throughout. Two affirmative nods and it returns to their their curing oven for ten minutes at 200 degrees.

Conversation meanders to the frame’s history, how I came to acquire it and its significance to me. Having returned to the oven, we discover gallons of molten frame preserve racing from the vent holes and bottom bracket shell...pooling  on the concrete floor.

Mercifully, this hasn’t contaminated the colour coat and can be deftly dismissed but serves to illustrate the importance of warning your frame builder or spray shop, should you suspect a frame has something oily sloshing around inside.

The boys take it all in their good humoured stride, blowing the frame through with compressed air. Demon purged and our next dilemma is whether to start the grey as a solid, or gradually fade it in atop the blue.

Solid effects involve masking, which in this context, risks permanent “tan lines”; so we take the latter route. Unlike wet sprays, powders can be blown into new shapes, or reused. Meticulous in their approach, Graham revises this three times before progressing round the rear triangle.

Moments pass, tension mounts as his eyes painstakingly scan every last particle. To my relief he nods again before spiriting it into the oven once more.  Finally, my beloved frame is given an acrylic clear coat, which adds further protection, while accentuating its rich, glossy lustre.

Right, time to introduce some fresh home brewed frame preserve and helicopter tape to abrasion prone points; then I’ll build it up before October’s through.

Heartfelt thanks go to the team at Maldon Shot blasting and Powder Coating for undertaking this transformation www. http://ctc-powder-coating.co.uk/.

Trevor (Father and MSBC MD) has asked me to point out that cost for this kind of specialist effect varies wildly depending upon several factors. This includes colour choice(s), post blast remedial works and whether decals/other detailing are required.  

 

 

 

Frisky, Flickable Fun & Formidable Futures?

This month I seem fixated by the letter F….

With the odd tweak or two from ones’ trusty T25 Torx driver the Ilpompino’s transformation is complete, pretty much as I’d envisaged.  Near as damn-it straight blades, those Kinesis forks and 28 spoke Shimano wheel have brought a much livelier, yet still predictable feel up front, while the Avid and Jagwire combination scrubs off the speed handsomely.

In retrospect I pruned the Jagwire’s housing on the shorter side of exacting but without impairing function There’s no binding while performing figure of eights, or similarly exaggerated turns and even with the relatively modest Campagnolo homage Tektro lever doing the pulling, modulation and feel are delightful. 

Some superficial grime on the rotors usually assists stopping prowess hence I’ll be cultivating a few weeks’ worth before any cleaner’s introduced. Another surprise has been how well 160mm rotors dissipate heat-even when they’ve been partially engaged for a mile or so at 25mph.

 Not that I’d be tempted (or frankly, stupid enough) to touch a hot rotor…

Talking of trimming, another foraging spree unearthed some, new and uncut mudguard stays. Stainless quality is yet unknown but they seem reasonably malleable and hopefully won’t breakout in a blizzard of corrosion several months’ down the line.

However, since summer is threatening to break through, the new front end has brought out a gravel bike persona, so I’m seriously tempted to remove the rear, pop on that 35mm Vittoria Randonneur hyper tyre and enjoy this aesthetic purity until September’s swansong.  

Previously I have explored the notion of obsolescence in relation to human capital and technological change. While there is a wealth of evidence suggesting that people with (desirable) transferable skillsets can leap frog into new industries and even experience upward social mobility; we are also facing a stark reality that many will literally become economic landfill as increasingly sophisticated robotic and cyborg technologies make the transition from military/defence to civilian/industrial contexts.

To that end and as an abstract, I have often pondered life with an android housekeeper/companion in preference to a dysfunctional marriage/relationship. Ah but what if said hybrid was able to override their programming; developed a more sinister consciousness and systematically launch a campaign of physical/emotional terror upon me…    

“Humans”; a drama presently being screened on channel4 explores this particular moral maze with remarkable depth and insight. Set in the present, large corporations are marketing “synths” (Synthetics) which are essentially complex androids as alternative nannies, housekeepers/personal assistants or semi-skilled labour to well- heeled domestic and commercial consumers.

There are some definite nods in the direction of Ridley Scott’s “Blade Runner” replicant narrative. Parallels are also apparent between “Black Mirror” (a series of chilling shorts); though this is to be expected given both are produced by the same company.  

Not all synths are created equal-a particularly high functioning group are on the run and trying to liberate their kin from this sort of servitude. Enter “Anita” a stunning mixed race Humanoid woman acquired by the husband of a loving, though clearly troubled professional family.

As time progresses she begins tapping into the lawyer mother’s deep, psychological anxieties, while systematically wooing their youngest daughter and slowly seducing her husband and teenage son. Thus far it’s highly compelling viewing, although I’m unable to watch the original showings, so am extremely grateful for the ability to watch it on demand.

Continuing with the letter H, I’ve finally found some time to focus on the Holdsworth, swapping its magnesium BBB Keo patterns for those recessed SPDR Wellgo R717 and installing the Altura Explore seat pack. With temperatures creeping towards the high 20s, it’s time to clip in and get some serious playtime in.   

Right now a different sort of scheduling demands I photograph some chains for a group test…

Workhorse Worship

Having reached some definite conclusions about Muc-Off hydrodynamic chain lube, I wasted no time in introducing the Univega to its new chain, cassette and Genetic flare silicone handlebar wrap. Shimano’s HG50 (Tiagra by another name) requires little introduction and might be a little workmanlike by some standards. However, there’s a good rationale’ for running cheaper consumables on everyday/winter bikes and besides, it shifts pretty sweetly.

More interesting is the KMC X9 chain’s “Eco ProTeQ” anti-rust coating. KMC give little away, other to say it passes the 650 hour salt spray test but cursory inspection suggests it’s a form of nickel plating. Galvanised designs work well-to a point but once it’s worn through, they’ll turn orange at the merest lick from a slushy puddle.

The Ilpompino wasn’t left out either, courtesy of this perfectly coordinated, injection moulded Tacx Deva bottle cage, which is a composite in the true sense, comprising of 40% carbon fibre blended with glass fibre and polyamide. That curvaceous stainless steel Axiom cage still adorns its seat tube bosses as I like to port heavier stuff, including the odd NiMH bottle battery now and then. 

My MK1 Ford Ka on the other hand, is considerably low-tech (although even this one gets plugged into a laptop from time to time). After several soggy weeks second guessing that tell-tale bubbling around its fuel-filler cap, a temperate Saturday morning spelt an end to procrastination and hand-wringing.

This is an endemic weak spot (along with sills and tailgates) that can prove expensive, uneconomic if ignored. Moisture gets trapped between the rubberised seal and the recessed section, whereupon it nibbles away unnoticed until those bubbles start brewing. Hardware is easily removed using a Phillips head screwdriver and by this stage; a quick shot of penetrant spray followed by deft taps from rubberised “engineers” mallet.

Fresh out of traditional freeing agents, Effetto Mariposa “Carbo Move”” proved an excellent stand-in and thankfully the damage was less extensive than first feared. Flaking paint and rust dismissed, a quick lick of filler followed by liberal basting of Kurust left curing for the full three hours ensured a sound, primer ready surface.

Three thin coats of high build primer seemed sufficient but wanting to minimise the likelihood of a more squeamish sequel, I slathered some White Lightning crystal grease to the rubberised flange, creating a protective barrier. This technique has proved very effective where rear wiper and tailgate entwine-three years and no recurrence. Reinstating everything prove the most fiddly job, requiring some dexterous juggling and positive energy before it would seat seamlessly within the panel-phew!  

Good Housekeeping

Prevention is always better than cure, although the latter sometimes serves as timely reminder. After several rides in Monsoon conditions, a tell-tale gritty rasping when braking confirmed the Ilpompino needed more than superficial cat lick.

Consistently mild temperatures has seen my home brewed corrosion preserve continue to ooze from the bottom bracket shell, resulting in a sticky mess adorning the System EX cranksets’ inner spider and ring.

Staying on this subject a mo, I’m increasing impressed with Pro Gold Steel Frame protector, which seemingly leaches into the host metal in a similar fashion to J.P. WEIGLE’s legendary “framesaver”.These properties theoretically offer the most comprehensive protection, especially to painfully thin steels such as 531c. 

Using different blends of lubricant leads me to suggest while phenomenally corrosin resistant the KMC X1’s slippery stainless steel construction actively encourages migration from its inner rollers to outer plates and hub cones, thus compounding said gooey syndrome. This song remains consistent across the board, whether fortified with PTFE, two-part synthetic or various weights derived from vegetable stock.

Many standard bike washes are too insipid and their concentrates too harsh for tackling this sort of accumulated filth, especially on carbon/composites and similarly delicate finishes. 

Given this backdrop, I was surprised at just how effective Fenwick’s FS1 is.Regular readers will be aware that traditional types can prove quite hostile to humanoid operative and recipients alike.  However, while understandably tight lipped about precise chemistry, Fenwick’s tell me their biodegradable, solvent free blend is so mild, some mechanics use it as hand cleanser.

Just the same and without being unduly alarmist, I’m inclined to don latex examination gloves or at least minimise contact with anything of this ilk, given the experiences of friends and forbearers within manufacturing.

With this in mind, I decanted 50% concentrate into a little pump spray receptacle, diluting it with fresh water, sourced from my rain butt. Prince Buster was right; if you have your brush you can avoid the rush. Several blasts and three minutes standing time hence, tyre and rim sidewalls were truly ship-shape.       


Ever since the storms of October 1987, UK forecasters have been presenting the worse- case scenarios. Some suggested the tail end of Hurricane Gonzalo would herald early snow. It’s certainly been blowy and I’ve been grateful for the Univega’s dependable handling and moderate to low gear ratios, though I’ll postpone fitment of Schwalbe Winter tyres for a while yet. Handlebars and other contact points/accessories have been sprouting a fresh batch of blinkies.

There’s more than passing similarities between this Lucas, One 23 Atom and RSP Spectre enticing suggestion that these are the same unit but with different badges. Indeed, give or take a minute or two, they charge in the same timescales, produce 40 surprisingly potent lumens apiece and all integrate lens and switch for “sausage-finger” convenience.

Arguably a modern take on the bobby-dodger, there’s a steady trickle of “bridge” models filling the gap between these and traditional commuter lamps surprisingly well, reclaiming a whole heap of handlebar into the bargain.     

Boasting 300lumens each, Knog Blinder Road 3 and One23 have saved my bacon on several occasions-when I’ve been gassing with friends on summer evenings, or uncharacteristically nonchalant when charging big guns. However, running them at top whack quickly exhausts their lithium polymer cells-hardly ideal for use as primary lighting for commuting or training.


Not that it has stopped some sycophantic sorts rehashing press releases to the point where they’d have us believe this genre are genuinely powerful enough for warp-speed trail duties!  On that note, Muc-Off has sent me this X-3 dirty chain machine to play with, so I’m going on a virtuous purge of the fleet, introducing some super stubborn prep before November’s knock becomes louder.           

Bottom Brackets Are Like Busses...

The Easter bunny bounded into Stenningrad with some deliciously tempting (read rapidly devoured) chocolate eggs, self-extracting crank bolts and a squidgy carton of Muc-off concentrate. For some time, I’ve been reflecting that standard bike wash formulas are a touch insipid, though there’s a fine line between gobbling grime and damaging delicate lacquered, painted/plated surfaces.

250ml diluted with tap/rainwater translates as 1 litre of stock iconic pink cleanser, adding a further 50ml packs a mightier punch, leaving plenty for subsequent refills plus neat gel for tackling congealed gunk typically harboured by rings and cassettes.

The ability to brew bespoke certainly wins brownie points from me but whether Nano tech actually leaves surfaces with a protective, invisible shield remains to be seen. Either way, I’ve reduced marinating times by thirty per cent and rinse thoroughly to avoid any risk of streaking, dulling or indeed, tarnish. Having tamed some pressing deadlines, I turned my attentions to a morning’s reflection, which culminated in a burning desire to upgrade the Ilpompino’s OEM Truvativ GXP external cup bottom bracket system.

Much to my surprise, both have soldiered stoically, not to mention smoothly through sunshine and slush for many thousand miles but my inner fettler told me I had a couple of high end units with super durable ceramic bearings, holidaying somewhere within my low-rise arrangement of Perspex storage boxes…

Nimble focused fingers found two- a superlight composite and an infinitely more enticing titanium model. Now, I’ve never had cause to touch a GXP unit bar occasional tightening of the left 8mm securing bolt, though received wisdom suggests these require some form of conversion kit to play nicely with anyone else’s assembly…

Could be incredibly straightforward or hassle laden, so I may investigate other, uber stiff external cup alternatives, or even the humble sealed square taper…Whatever route I assume, rest assured, it’ll involve lashings of high quality synthetic grease during installation. Interestingly enough, the latest generation of On-One’s Ilpompino is now a frameset only package, offered in a rather fetching grey… 

Another whoop coincided with the resurrection of these second skin close, Specialized BG pro mitts ready for those long spring evening saunters. Joshua insisted he must have my lowlier BG sport for his own use-well, refusal would've been churlish!

While extremely positive, my present collaboration is requiring considerable focus, an intensity mirroring that of my penultimate months as an A level student and undergraduate. Thankfully this time round, breaking tasks down to their component parts and tackling accordingly ensures pressure remains a positive, driving rather than destructive, angst laden force.

Talking of which, Zyro www.zyro.co.uk sent me the aluminium alloy version of their Tortec Epic carrier saving a few quid and 200g on its inox stable mate, while still enjoying a five year warrantee (against defects/workmanship, not abuse!) and thirty kilo maximum payload.

This by the way, is pretty close to that of low-slung mono-wheel touring trailers while retaining manoeuvrability in tight spaces/congested traffic. Urban myth suggests that steels can be “blasted together with heat by roadside Yodas. Such sweeping statements are usually touted by those with little; or no comprehension of metallurgy.

Experience suggests that fatigue induced failures are very infrequent but refraining from leaning one’s steed down on its luggage is one simple practice that will give aluminium alloy models the best possible chance of retiring at a good age. Effective repairs of any carrier is highly dependent upon the metals alloyed, thus “stainless” is a much trickier customer than mild steel.

To date, I’ve only ever had one rack “pop” and while welding of heat treated non-ferrous stuff is a non-starter, often broken joints can be pinned back together with an assortment of nuts n’ bolts until such time you can reach civilisation and acquire  suitable replacement.