Planet Bong

Arguably the place where our political elite inhabit much of their waking hours while the greater majority of us employ a pragmatic make do n’ mend philosophy, it’s also a fascinating shop in Leamington Spa. The “usual projects” now includes redrafting of short fiction since I can’t stand essentially robust copy languishing in the hard drive. In this instance the resurrection of “Belgian Mix” http://www.63xc.com/michaels/belgianmix.htm, ring fencing a couple of hours daily with a view to satisfactory completion come September’s swansong. Mastering time management- working efficiently by another name is one of the most rewarding and essential freelancer skills. Close of last week, words and paragraphs had begun merging into a homogeneous, almost unintelligible mass, so I left a few, otherwise decent drafts marinating and headed up country to spend some time behind the lens.

Returning recharged, these and other pieces were drummed into shape and despatched to their intended recipients. Crafting pitches can prove similarly exhausting and responses, affirmative or otherwise can be several weeks hence. Glancing over at my test bench, there’s been a tsunami of enticing goodies including this beautifully crafted titanium from Torus Cycles (Justin Burls & Andy Jones).

Ours was the 27.2, 400m version, though its inline version caters for time trialists and others preferring to be poised directly over the bottom bracket shell. 264g is perhaps heavy by carbon standards but machining is exquisite and the wonder material oozes an unmistakable zing across inclement surfaces without feeling remotely whippy. Similarly £125 is hardly small change but there’s no call for planned retirement since 3AL 2.5v is particularly immune to fatigue (excluding incidence of phenomenal abuse).

Do remember those cursory licks of ti prep where it enters the seat tube, not forgetting cradle hardware. Thundering along the lanes under its spell, my serenity was rudely interrupted by a phantom squeak-something I wrongly attributed to the aluminium bolts until discovering my fixer’s crank bolt had mysteriously worked loose. Snugged tight using a leggy T handled 8mm Allen key, said fiend piped up again five miles hence. Introducing the torque wrench and a few extra nm resolved the issue.

Our climate has turned disarmingly autumnal these past few days, coinciding with the receipt of these similarly space age corrosion- inhibiting Protecht brews. The ultimate formula is an extremely powerful one that cures to a dry, clear and seemingly dirt phobic state. Supposedly acid and salt resistant, said qualities are ideally suited for mothballing decorative electroplate, anodised and polished surfaces either in storage or pretty ferrous winter bikes dripping in the stuff. BG innovations (the marque’s UK importer) are suitably tight lipped when broached about composition but suggest its ultra invasive and withstands operating temperatures of +50 degrees. Logical then that I’ve deployed ours within thin walled steel framesets, trailers, tagalongs and of course, the Ka’s notoriously grot prone regions. Initial impressions are extremely favourable, surprisingly economical too but a harsh winter will be more revealing.

Far from a watered down version, the advanced sibling is slightly waxy and arguably more versatile preserve that remains functional at 650 degrees-unsurprising perhaps given both were initially conceived for automotive audiences. Another excellent internal rust inhibitor, commendable on external plated surfaces so long as you weren’t mortified by the steady cultivation of a thin, grimy layer. Unlike Vaseline, electrical connectivity is accentuated without risking subsequent galvanic corrosion, thus ideal for dynamo connectors, computer/blinky battery terminals and similar gizmos directly in scuzzy water’s firing line. Suffice to say that VDO X1DW cadence sensor hasn’t missed a beat even fully submerged for three consecutive miles.

Maldon Shot blasting and powder coating were keen to show me their new range of powder finishes freshly imported from the states-beautiful but with some bizarre, almost mirth inducing monikers. This SE jump frame being a case in point. I’d call it lime green but Trevor tells me its actually “Shocking Yellow” applied atop a chrome effect base coat. Cost implications are around the £110 mark depending on host material and what nasties’ blasting uncovers. Remember those sound but slightly scabby “school chair” forks I’d earmarked for the Univega’s front end? Well, Trevor generously refinished them in a rich gloss black free of charge-a lovely gesture and very welcome just now.

Little Things

Inclement weather has limited my ability to clip in and go testing , so turbo trainer aside; its been a question of completing existing reports ahead of deadline, resurrecting the book projects with continued hunting of something suitable in temp land.

January’s close is oft regarded as the worst for morale, Christmas’ and New Year sparkle tempering quickly against cobalt skies and sometimes harsh, economic realities. Tired of well meaning but ultimately empty enthusiasm, I made contact with an accomplished author and editor (who I’d approached some twenty five years previously, eager to write for his newly established magazine) to see if he’d be tempted by my project outline. 

Fenders fitted to my favourite fixer; substituting its stocky Surly long haul trucker for a 6061 Topeak Super Tourist DX seemed an obvious move since it only hosted a cotton duck rack bag, shaving several hundred grams in a stroke. Reasonable payloads aside, wanderlust is limited to commuting, weekend touring and of course, Audax duties but then things seldom give trouble when built properly and used as per design brief.

Then came the big thaw, seeing the Univega plucked from its hook and introduced to the 933g Tortec epic, fitting with consummate ease having found a full compliment of stainless (as distinct from the chrome plated hotch potch) fasteners. However, doing so necessitated forgoing its Torch fender fit blinky and plugging the holes with silicone, bathroom type sealant.

To my surprise, the epic is only 40g heavier than Tubus’ legendary Logo with an identical payload. Repeated exposure to slushy, salted roads hasn’t given any cause for alarm, although are readily ingrained along with fingerprints and light dirt into the slightly dimpled texture. Warrantee wrangles aside, the tubus is more easily repaired or adapted with pump pegs, bespoke light fittings and similar nick nacks using brass, not fusion welding. 

Arguably a no-brainer but you’d be surprised at the number of folk who I’ve seen introducing a common or garden wire feed MIG/MAG unit to proceedings only to find their lugged and brazed frameset melts like the proverbial waxwork.  Keeping the cargo theme for a minute, having also spent some of this enforced confinement exploring home built homages to the mighty mono-wheeled Bob Yak (Most notably here:
http://www.instructables.com/id/My-version-of-a-YAK-Bike-Trailer/?ALLSTEPS

http://www.instructables.com/id/Single-wheel-bicycle-trailer-with-suspension/?ALLSTEPS)

It occurs to me that trailer racing would make a superb sub genre-whether fixed or freewheel, trail or tarmac. Categories could include custom/bespoke, production or backyard special with further segregation according to budget, wheel-size, extent of modification, payload etc. Making best use of slack time and with the help of a pop rivet gun and sixty odd 4mm aluminium rivets, I’ve been devising my own snow specific tyres from part worn rubber.

Taking inspiration from Continental’s Nordic spike, I haven’t put sufficient mileage on this little Kenda to comment as to its worthiness but it’s an interesting experiment nonetheless. If successful, I might extend this to 700c and 26inch mtb formats. Some months ago, I was lamenting the lack of (relatively) narrow, commercially available options-42mm and 2.2 inches being pretty much the limit. Kenda offer a Klondike in fender friendly 35,38 and 1.75 sections.

Alas, at the time of composition, they’re not a UK import. Temptation was to order a set from across the pond were it not for a relatively weak pound since snow and Ice look set to becoming increasingly frequent patrons of our winter landscape but then these Schwalbe “Winter” arrived on my test bench.

Available in the magic 1.75 diameter, these are reckoned to require twenty-five miles on asphalt before taking to skiddy stuff and look to be a fair bit swifter than most variants I’ve used to date. February’s always a tricky month weather-wise so, we’ll see how they behave after the initial run-in.     

Elsewhere, I’ve been chatting with Rory at Upgrade bikes regarding two very innovative Kinesis builds that follow in the convertible, yet ultra capable one bike does all road path tradition and at the other extreme, some splendid DMR coffee receptacles.

Dropping by Maldon shot blasting & powder coating revealed this slightly intriguing mid 80’s touring frameset refinished in a very tasteful orange. Initial impressions suggested something 531^st from the Holdsworthy works- Claud Butler Dalesman/ Coventry Eagle but some unusually (by production standards) intricate lugwork around its semi sloping fork crown infers something older/ smaller scale…

Shoot n' Squeal

With bike week and the diamond jubilee celebrations in full swing, it was perhaps ironic that the Univega’s cantilever mounting bolt should eject while I was negotiating a tricky junction. Instinct took hold and having leaned the bike against a road sign, I sprinted back to the intersection, eyes scouring the dimpled asphalt for these small, vital components. Mission accomplished and with functioning stoppers, we continued our backwater meander but then foul of the dreaded squeal. Cleaning the rims and purging glaze from the pads using Green Oils legendary citrus based bike wash and in the latter context, emery paper certainly helped but didn’t silence the banshee howl. Net effect, I resorted to replacing said pads with another set of the cheap but oh so cheerful Jagwire to coincide with some very interesting EVA based bar wrap, superseding the six month old Arundel Gecko grip that was looking tired through no fault of its own, repeatedly disturbed to facilitate cable/component replacement.

Joshua has suddenly rediscovered his solo, choosing to spend several hours’ on subsequent days cruising a combination of metalled road and green lane. He’s also been sharing in my love of derelict/abandoned places (virtually) while Uncle Benny muted a desire to cruise down to the former Soviet block with me to capture some of the disused airfields, military bases and similar wonderments that proliferate that corridor down to Russia. During those years when the iron curtain was drawn fully closed, my Uncle spent a disproportionate amount of time in Warsaw with a friend acquiring second world war military equip’ before returning with a wife!

Aside from a strange and some would argue, irrational love of MZ motorcycles- tough, reliable and extremely cheap (an ETZ251 in good order could be snapped up for £50 back in 1989) I’ll freely admit to a lifelong fascination with what lives behind heavily armoured doors, gates and houses in clearings…particularly if it had been deserted for any period.

Photojournalism depicting the uneasy transition from communism-its bleak alienation, anomie and substance misuse accentuated this desire to nip through the freshly drawn curtain. As we speak, I am gently badgering relatives in Warsaw for contacts, leads and indeed somewhere to stay for a week, few days even to capture such before nature reclaims, or worse still, someone decides to demolish it.  Meanwhile back in the blast cabinet Trevor and the boys are in the throws of transforming the 4130 expedition rack and bargain basement tune-up stand. I hadn’t realised quite how inexpensively it had been constructed until I came to dismantling…

Certain sections looked to bolted but were in fact bolted and welded in situ, the nylon seatstay hook apparently secured via 4mm Allen screws were in fact secured from the inside courtesy of two vertically positioned 10mm bolts… However, with some old school ingenuity and Joshua’s help it was ready for the blaster in a matter of minutes. After some deliberation, I’ve decided on a cheery Coca Cola red powder coat. Coupled with some name decals, it’ll make mine easy to spot at race meets…

Speaking of scrap metal “Any old Iron!” will be a call widely familiar to anyone in the UK. It originates from this profession who drive around collecting old metal goods people no longer want-washing machines, ironing boards, copper storage tanks etc from people’s doorsteps. Perhaps unsurprisingly, these have become increasingly prevalent in the recent economic climate along with a pronounced escalation in bike theft. It would seem along with the usual problem of bicycles being good currency for drugs and similar activities, metal thieves who have traditionally stripped abandoned pubs such as this one of lead, copper pipe, radiators and other valuables have taken to stealing bicycles en mass and selling them on for literally nothing as scrap-adding further insult to injury! 

Bad enough that the rightful owner should be deprived of something they doubtless love and cherish but to think of it being added to a pile of indiscriminate junk has me howling with outrage.  Unfortunately and for a time at least I can see this intensifying since, depending on which school of economics you subscribe to, we are only thirty per cent through the decline and with those sorts of statistics, I can see a generation who will prove not only long term unemployed but unemployable, with tragic consequences for the individuals, their families and the wider society. Trade is slow for freelancers like myself too but rather than fall into that hole of self-pity, I’ll partake of some Fentiman’s ginger beer (Belching improves creativity…) and put some serious hours into the book these coming days. 

 

Double Trouble (Boom Bang a Bang)

Spring has apparently sprung early and in an effort to save money on our battle-scarred infrastructure, farmers seem encouraged to layer the roads in thick slimy dung, topped off with hedge clippings. This particularly conspiratorial brew is conducive to the dreaded hiss-even with 1.75 section mtb rubber and those otherwise ultra dependable thorn resistant tubes. Said concoction also serves as timely reminder that no matter how technically endowed your hoops, should you meet that thorn/nail/rock/pothole with your name on it, you will come unstuck. Mercifully, it took several miles for the offending sharp to pierce the tyre casing, serenading me with a slow, yet audible rush of air as we returned to base. With puncture season officially open, there appears no end to freeloaders expecting to drop their wounded butyl at my house for while u wait, free of charge repair (!). Yes, I served in a bike shop (where I learned to read people and their intentions in the blink of an eye), yes I am of a helpful disposition but I am not a charity, here for the convenience of others. Capiche! Now, this is entirely different from coming to the aid of someone stricken by the roadside-most of us have experienced the kindness of a passing rider(s) and hopefully reciprocated at least once during our cycling careers. Things happen for a reason. I didn’t subscribe to this philosophical (some might say, fatalist) state in my teens and twenties but it’s one I’ve assumed with time. Such has seen me review the fleets’ toolkit-specifically pumps, tubes and patch kits to ensure they were all suitably stocked and more importantly in good working order. Afterall, spare inner tubes and patches are of little consequence several miles from home with crusty vulcanising solution, wheezy pump and/or CO2 inflator. Having exhausted my supply of spares, the patch kit(s) came out to play. Experience suggests taking manufacturer claims with a pinch of salt, leaving glue/less types overnight provides the best success rates. I’ve taken to pressing them in situ using soft-jawed clothes pegs. Failing to follow this rule saw a good quality example of the glue-less breed lift after a few hours but then, I’ve never put my faith in this particular genre so reverted to the suppler, feathered edge variety.

To the uninitiated, slime-filled self-healing tubes sound heaven-sent but are a recipe for a disgusting sticky mess in the event of rolling over that sharp. Most sealants seem to have a finite life before turning chalky or randomly spewing green goo from the valves. That said; I’ve danced a jig having found one in the bottom of a pannier when the long walk home looked imminent.
Wednesday bore witness to the transformation of last week’s tatty tandem frameset. Thirty-five minutes sustained effort in the blast cabinet had consumed the barnacle thick external rot, revealing sound metal with quite extensive residual acne. Common to popular misconception, this pitting isn’t necessarily down to the blast media or operator skill but demonstrates how corrosion leeches into the host metal when neglected for any time. A call advising of this and some minor dents saw the owner decline additional preparatory work so Graham set about making good the worst areas before applying and baking the chromate. The customer chose to retain the original gold livery, albeit with a sparkle lacquer topcoat evocative of the 70s… bell bottoms, industrial strife, Eurovision and orange bathrooms anyone? Saddle rails, pedals and braking components were also passed through the mini blaster and emerged looking remarkably fresh, ready for gloss black.
Mocking and cold in black and gold I mused, capturing a few further shots and contemplating my falling blood sugar. Every colour has its own unique characteristics and gold has a tendency to bobble-if this isn’t tackled prior to oven curing it results in visible imperfections. Yellow is another tricky livery thanks to its pigment but attempting to compensate by applying thicker coats sees it emerge from the oven literally hanging from its host like runny custard. In this situation, there’s no option but to leave it marinating in the enzyme tank overnight before blasting to bare metal and starting from scratch come the morning.

Fifteen Days Later...

The past ten days could've been plucked straight from a George A Romero zombie flick as endless precession of automatic SUVs converged on out of town supermarkets, stocking up for the seasonal famine. Reasoning retail giants were closing indefinitely, armies of the undead lined the aisles, oft sporting iPods and shunting wire baskets along the floor with the Instep of their UGG boots. Flailing arms scattered goods from the shelves to monotonous, piped seasonal in-store music as generations of these poor creatures converged upon the checkouts . Undeterred, I nimbly dodged the malaise, snatching vital supplies of instant coffee to stimulate body and soul. Three precious jars scanned at the automatic teller, I shovelled coins into the slot before fleeing through the automatic doors.

Having made good my escape in the little Ka, this Alpinestars Cro-Mega complete with elevated chainstays and curved seat-tube awaited me at Maldon Shotblasting & Powder Coating. An interesting concept now consigned to the archives, it was thought to overcome the ruinous spectres of chain-slap/suck while a curved seat-tube shortened the wheelbase for gazelle-like climbing prowess.

Underneath its weary lick-and-a-promise grey enamel, the Tange tubeset was remarkably well preserved. A small dent in the top-tube was filled using a combination of weld and Thermabond3 to ensure a really flattering effect but obviously demanded a second trip through the blast cabinet to remove any subsequent imperrfections capable of tainting the fetching orange top coat. Its straight blade Cro-Moly forks were finished in satin black for a classy, timeless contrast. I recall lusting after these and similar concepts of this era while a callow A-level student but as with the Kirk magnesium framesets, wouldn’t pay anything approaching classic or collector prices now. The song remains the same when it comes to several other marques. I’d like a Barry Hoban road frameset from the mid to late 1980s. For the uninitiated Hoban was a Welsh star from the 1960s who later married Tom Simpson’s widow and launched a series of frames bearing his name. To my knowledge these were built from 531Cs tubing at the Falcon factory, who by then had assimilated many top brands including Coventry Eagle, Holdsworth and Claud Butler. British Eagle’s Touristique-a rival to Dawes’ seminal mile munching Galaxy from the same era would be another welcome addition to my fleet. Sadly, the brand is now little more than a decal on sub £100 gas-pipe rubbish.

I managed a decent twenty-five mile daily circuit up until December 25th when contamination struck…Not the retail plague but a severe case of sabre tooth man-flu while tweaking the Univega’s cockpit! The eagle-eyed amongst you will notice the rather striking (and frankly fantastic) two-tone Lizard Skins DSP wrap has been replaced in favour of this Arundel Gecko grip.With a super sticky polymer base and EVA foam backing, this works to the same principle but lacked the DSP's outright refinement, making achieving those graceful, flowing overlaps that little bit more time consuming (forty-five minutes) but the final effect was worth the wait… Time will tell as to their performance, not least since I’ve been refraining from further outings until this particularly serious lurgi has been banished with a regime of red bush tea. The gecko is also available in blue, red, white and yellow if black offends your sensibilities. Knog is something of a not-so guilty secret of mine. From a personal and design perspective, I really love the brand and am sufficiently assured of my own masculinity to parade my fuchsia test samples pride of place on those WTB drops! However, objectively and as a journalist, I accept said charm sometimes exceeds their technical merit and function. This, fine coffee and steadily alternating between test/copy deadlines has thus far fended off the seasonal slump. Those other projects touched upon in my earlier entry have also shown some early signs of fruition so while the somewhat raucous, rowdy interlopers to this here domicile recount strange (albeit highly amusing) drunken tales from the lounge, I’ve been making pressure-free progress from the study, nipping out for periodic socialising, soaps, coffee, mince pies, trifle and more nutritious fuel for body n’ soul to suit. Such is my love of coffee and decay that I’ve even been gifted some of this body wash as part of my Christmas bundle!

Cometh December, Cometh The Dayglow

Drifting through to December brings with it the joys of day-glow. Prime examples to land at my door are these Proviz gloves and Altura night vision socks. At a whisker below £25, the former boast a windproof and water repellent laminated polyester exterior and micro fibre palm proliferated with silicone dots for a superlative, all conditions grip. The ubiquitous gel/foam ulnar padding is relatively low density, which works better for me, since the pronounced types are prone to inducing precisely the discomfort they were intended to alleviate. Thinner, wind blocking fabric makes for nimble fingers, enabling photo opportunities and less glamorous roadside puncture purges without necessitating removal. Speaking of which, they’ll resist heavy rain to the tune of thirty, maybe forty minutes-depending on how we’re defining cloudburst but mercifully, things stay toasty inside and there’s no danger of extracting a limp, soggy liner come the ed of an inclement training run. For the feet, Altura have taken their night vision concept to the logical, if slightly quirky conclusion. Available in warm orange (my preference) or the acid trip neon yellow, they’re made of common or garden Coolmax and do most things very well, albeit not on the same terms as Merino wool. However, the safety aspect works best with 3/4lengths which might not be everyone’s first choice in the depths of winter-although again, this is highly dependant on where you are in the world…
Those two frames have emerged from the curing ovens with new red and blue liveries. I’m still none the wiser as to their heritage but the suspected Holdsworth was badly nibbled, especially along the chain and seat stays, disguised by a thicker coat of powder since the customer was reluctant to foot the bill for more extensive filler-based preparation. Graham noticed some imperfections in the final colour coat induced by the seepage of residual oils languishing within the tubes. Fearing another trip through the blast cabinet would induce structural damage (even left softening in the stripping tank overnight) he addressed this by rubbing flat and introducing further, light coats, passing through the oven once more. John Doe’s chrome plate rear triangle and forks were of the lick and promise variety, vanishing with the introduction of gentle aluminium oxide particles. This was a moot point since the customer wasn’t looking to replicate the original effect and the parent metal gives a much better key for the colour coats.

A quick look around their holding bay gives an insight into the country’s wider mood. More and more people are having basic children’s frames refinished and passed to younger siblings. This is indicative of a very different mood that has replaced the buy new ethos for may working families frightened for their futures, economic and otherwise.

Elsewhere, I’ve been revisiting my series of children’s stories penned some years ago and aside from strengthening the characterisation, I’m hoping to generate sufficient publisher interest. Having seen my late father successfully publish several academic titles during the 1980s I am acutely aware of publisher resistance to “unproven” or previously unpublished authors but this is just a phenomenon I will have accept and ultimately overcome.

Getting Some (Carbon) Fibre in Your Diet

It seems you can’t move for the once precious composite these days, although in stark contrast, budget/unbranded ‘cross forks have become rarer than the proverbial rocking horse dropping. Imagine my joy having uncovered this ITM Visa. Languishing in storage for a few years, some telltale tarnish was evident around the bosses but easily purged with a gentle tickling from the wire brush so they’ll be adorning the Ilpompino come the first available opportunity. Detailing is generally to a better standard than the OEM type, especially the polished alloy ends, although I’ve no doubt these emerged from the same factory in the far east simply dressed in different decals. Transplant surgery will be performed by Riverside Cycle Centre come the New Year since I have more pressing matters at hand and he has the full compliment of headset tools… Elsewhere on the carbon front comes Blackburn Airstik SL. Weighing a ridiculously svelte 57g (including bracket), it sports the marques legendary build quality and lifetime warranty, so the perfect stocking filler for bikes/riders on calorie controlled diets that puncture infrequently. Blackburn claim 160psi is possible and I quite believe them, although I collapsed in a heap after 120psi and five minutes sustained, rhythmic effort. Speaking of which, rain, sleet and snow present all manner of hazards, not least greatly impaired visibility and this is true whether you wear prescription or standard, polycarbonate three-lens systems. The old lick of washing up liquid around the rims of goggles, glasses and visors is a great homely remedy that goes a long way to curing annoying and potentially dangerous fogging but this high tech Sal Clear TTX hydrophobic spray leaves behind a glossy, water repellent barrier that sees rain-water, mud and spray slide from prescription lenses, generic sports eye wear and even camera lenses. Since it works on gravity, not speed utility riders have as much to gain from its’ properties as first category road racers. Safe on polycarbonates and similar plastics, it’ll buff a helmet to a water repellent, showroom shine in a matter of minutes and works a treat on mirrors and humble bar mounted computers too. Longevity is in piece of string territory since it will depend where you and your bike live and a host of similar environmental factors but I’m still cruising around on the first application-three weeks and three hundred or so miles on

Meanwhile, back in the spray shop, Maldon Shot blasting & Powder Coating have had a procession of interesting frames through the door recently, most notably a classic Raleigh steel chassis and this contemporary Specialized fixer-both undergoing a satin black rebirth.Every so often a beater catches my imagination and this sorry looking John Doe with tarnished electroplate rear triangle is a prime example. There’s no obvious clue as to its heritage and the forks may/not be original…Destined to be reborn in 5012 “Ninja” Blue, I suspect the existing electroplate will be stripped to the parent steel and painted accordingly…

Arguably of better pedigree and possibly hailing from the late 1950s is this battle weary red frameset. I’m not sure since surface corrosion around the bottom bracket shell obscures any numbers but it could even be a Holdsworth of similar vintage to my Zephyr …Watch this space.