Planet Bong

Arguably the place where our political elite inhabit much of their waking hours while the greater majority of us employ a pragmatic make do n’ mend philosophy, it’s also a fascinating shop in Leamington Spa. The “usual projects” now includes redrafting of short fiction since I can’t stand essentially robust copy languishing in the hard drive. In this instance the resurrection of “Belgian Mix” http://www.63xc.com/michaels/belgianmix.htm, ring fencing a couple of hours daily with a view to satisfactory completion come September’s swansong. Mastering time management- working efficiently by another name is one of the most rewarding and essential freelancer skills. Close of last week, words and paragraphs had begun merging into a homogeneous, almost unintelligible mass, so I left a few, otherwise decent drafts marinating and headed up country to spend some time behind the lens.

Returning recharged, these and other pieces were drummed into shape and despatched to their intended recipients. Crafting pitches can prove similarly exhausting and responses, affirmative or otherwise can be several weeks hence. Glancing over at my test bench, there’s been a tsunami of enticing goodies including this beautifully crafted titanium from Torus Cycles (Justin Burls & Andy Jones).

Ours was the 27.2, 400m version, though its inline version caters for time trialists and others preferring to be poised directly over the bottom bracket shell. 264g is perhaps heavy by carbon standards but machining is exquisite and the wonder material oozes an unmistakable zing across inclement surfaces without feeling remotely whippy. Similarly £125 is hardly small change but there’s no call for planned retirement since 3AL 2.5v is particularly immune to fatigue (excluding incidence of phenomenal abuse).

Do remember those cursory licks of ti prep where it enters the seat tube, not forgetting cradle hardware. Thundering along the lanes under its spell, my serenity was rudely interrupted by a phantom squeak-something I wrongly attributed to the aluminium bolts until discovering my fixer’s crank bolt had mysteriously worked loose. Snugged tight using a leggy T handled 8mm Allen key, said fiend piped up again five miles hence. Introducing the torque wrench and a few extra nm resolved the issue.

Our climate has turned disarmingly autumnal these past few days, coinciding with the receipt of these similarly space age corrosion- inhibiting Protecht brews. The ultimate formula is an extremely powerful one that cures to a dry, clear and seemingly dirt phobic state. Supposedly acid and salt resistant, said qualities are ideally suited for mothballing decorative electroplate, anodised and polished surfaces either in storage or pretty ferrous winter bikes dripping in the stuff. BG innovations (the marque’s UK importer) are suitably tight lipped when broached about composition but suggest its ultra invasive and withstands operating temperatures of +50 degrees. Logical then that I’ve deployed ours within thin walled steel framesets, trailers, tagalongs and of course, the Ka’s notoriously grot prone regions. Initial impressions are extremely favourable, surprisingly economical too but a harsh winter will be more revealing.

Far from a watered down version, the advanced sibling is slightly waxy and arguably more versatile preserve that remains functional at 650 degrees-unsurprising perhaps given both were initially conceived for automotive audiences. Another excellent internal rust inhibitor, commendable on external plated surfaces so long as you weren’t mortified by the steady cultivation of a thin, grimy layer. Unlike Vaseline, electrical connectivity is accentuated without risking subsequent galvanic corrosion, thus ideal for dynamo connectors, computer/blinky battery terminals and similar gizmos directly in scuzzy water’s firing line. Suffice to say that VDO X1DW cadence sensor hasn’t missed a beat even fully submerged for three consecutive miles.

Maldon Shot blasting and powder coating were keen to show me their new range of powder finishes freshly imported from the states-beautiful but with some bizarre, almost mirth inducing monikers. This SE jump frame being a case in point. I’d call it lime green but Trevor tells me its actually “Shocking Yellow” applied atop a chrome effect base coat. Cost implications are around the £110 mark depending on host material and what nasties’ blasting uncovers. Remember those sound but slightly scabby “school chair” forks I’d earmarked for the Univega’s front end? Well, Trevor generously refinished them in a rich gloss black free of charge-a lovely gesture and very welcome just now.

Graveyard Shift

Unseasonably low temperatures and weather fronts failed to relent through March and into April, so its been winter tights, booties, gloves, buffs and base layers as I’ve reclaimed the night. Sweeping through abandoned lanes between midnight and 2am unleashes a new dimension in riding pleasure and a genuinely better sense of perspective on life. Keyboard duties recommence at 9am until early evening whereupon a few TV/social breaks prove welcome.

Thus far, it’s done wonders for my mood and productivity. I’ve always found darkness the best time for evaluating bikes and equipment since it neutralises prejudice as we are guided by our senses. Riding blind, oblivious to whether a brifter is top flight or entry level gives a far more objective assessment of real world performance- I’ve often been surprised by how well budget components perform, even under some decidedly harsh contexts. Lower end derailleurs are a good choice for winter/daily drivers. First and foremost, they're relatively inexpensive to replace in the event of a bad spill and secondly, help disguise a bike's true worth from speculative thieves. 

Horsham based Atomic 22 sent me their revised tribe system, which are a set of sophisticated locking fasteners employing a unique key and can be “grown” to protect every component –including seat bolts, dropout hangers, bottle screws, quill stems and solid axles too. Precision made from aircraft grade titanium/stainless steel, they resist all the common forms of attack and go a long way to deterring the sort of crime where bikes are stolen, broken for spares and sold on through ebay/craigslist/gumtree etc. However, this doesn’t absolve the need for intelligent deployment of stout locks, location and street furniture.  

Took a drive down to Justin Burls the other week for a weapon’s inspection-for the benefit of global authorities, we’re talking titanium and beautifully brazed steel bicycle frames, not surface to air missiles or similar warheads. He’s been designing titanium frames with Torus bicycles and was keen to show me some new enamel badges and similarly exciting arrivals. www.burls.co.uk www.torusbicycles.co.uk/    

Testament to these exacting standards is “Old Faithful”; his first bespoke frameset dressed in the classic winter attire-old groupsets, Salmon Profil mudguards and smatterings of road salt. Those Rosso red two-pac painted Columbus tubes still ooze a quiet, timeless seductive refinement some fifteen years or so on. 

Cold doesn’t bother me per se, although I’m looking forward to some milder weather in order I can put these Revolution “tack” three quarter length baggies through their paces without donning extra long socks as a matter of absolute necessity. Statistically 3am is reckoned to be the most dangerous time to be navigating the road network, irrespective of vehicle (I’m usually cocooned in my duvet, cruising through the land of nod at this point in proceedings) but that aside, the standards of road craft demonstrated by some is terrifying, more so, the sense of bad driving being  a rite of passage and perfectly acceptable.

BBC three’s “Barely Legal Drivers” followed three sets of late teen/early twenty- something drivers who’s elephantine arrogance/ignorance goes a long way to explaining why insurance premiums are so high and accidents increasingly fatal. However, I was more gob smacked by  parental attitudes, which were largely accepting/condoning of excessive speeding, drunk/ hands-free driving (Oh bless, they’re clapping in time with the music). 

Seemingly desperate to reward their undisciplined offspring regardless, I strongly suspect said parents would blame a cyclist/motorcyclist or indeed another driver for being on the road in the event of a collision “S/he’s not at fault- you only have yourself to blame”.

Conscious of this drifting toward a tirade, my feeling is that we must all strive to continuously improve our road craft, irrespective whether we happen to be piloting a 15lb bicycle or fifteen tonne arctic.