Grotesque GWCs & Delightful Designers

In the former context I am of course, referring to the “Guy with Camera”. This acronym is oft used within semi/professional and modelling circles to describe a certain grade of sleazy, lecherous individual who poses a threat to women and genuine photographers.

Once upon a time, these would’ve been seen perving with their Polaroids but they have become better equipped to catch the unwary as “Professional looking” equipment tumbles in price.

Parallels between scratcher and tattooist spring to mind here.

One will operate from unlicensed premises with no accreditation, using basic equipment bought online and won’t have registered with the local health authority, let alone possess public liability cover.

Sit in their chair asking for Pegasus and you’ll get my little pony with wings, possibly a nasty infection into the bargain.

The GWC will offer to shoot modelling port-folios with dubious results, not to mention intentions. No model release forms, liability cover, proper studio, assistant and insistence upon chaperones? Smile a lot and walk away very quickly.

With these distinctions firmly established, I was busily indulging in some industrial imagery last Wednesday afternoon; though specifically this Triumph TR3 shell awaiting blasting and related prep. 

Having narrowly avoided a close, head-first encounter with the methyl chloride tank, it was a successful mission. Packing away my SLR and lenses, I was approached by a grubby looking man in his thirties who attempted to strike up a conversation.

“Been busy?”  “Yes”; I replied politely.

“What have you been photographing?” he continued

“All sorts”; came my guarded response.

“Women?; bought myself a Nikon..” his return serve;  I could almost feel the steady trickle of saliva cascading from his mouth as he pursued this line of unwelcome enquiry-oblivious to my brusque and reproving replies.

“Yes, I shoot all manner of portrait and makeover commissions”.

He took this to mean, naked...”So where do you go to shoot these naked birds; a venue or do you just drop round their houses?”

His closing comments swept me back to a cold December night in Amsterdam’s red light district.

City dwellers passing smartly as crowds of male tourists pointed and gawped at women posing provocatively in the neon lit windows. This was twenty years ago when prostitution was decriminalised and tolerated but at this level, mafia controlled. 

One group from Streatham discovered this first hand when their leader aimed a disposable 35mm point n’ shoot at the neon saturated terrace. Contrary to popular misconception, prostitution was tolerated and decriminalised during this era but only legalised proper in 2000. (This presented another distinct problem for trafficked women as their status changed to illegal immigrant).

Seconds later they were chased away by a man brandishing a very large, serrated knife.  Many of the women serving this market were trapped, trafficked by Russian and Turkish mafia from Africa, former Soviet states, South America. Others served even darker masters most notably drug dependency mental illness.

Ending on a far lighter, happier note, I’ve recruited a talented and enthusiastic illustrator to collaborate on my series of children’s stories-he liked their concept and is busily bringing the characters to life as I type this.

Suffice to say I’m delighted and will reveal more another time. Right, time I popped the camera batteries on charge, threw a leg over the Univega’s top tube and went for a blast along the back roads.    

  

Salt, Spray, Slush & SLRS

As winter slips into spring and forecasters threaten a bitterly cold Easter, I’m reflecting on the Ilpompino’s two-tone powder coated finish. Regular visitors will know that I’m a firm fan of powder coating, which is both extremely durable and these days, available in pretty much any colour you’d care to mention. Some with equally bewildering monikers too and I’m suddenly very taken with this orange....

However; overall effects and longevity are dependent on the quality of materials and sprayer skill. Given Maldon Shotblasting and Powder Coating (http://ctc-powder-coating.co.uk/pedal-bikes/) offer a five year warrantee against corrosion or defects as standard, I wasn’t surprised to discover my beloved MK2 remains resplendent.

Unlike the Teenage Dream (refinished in May 2009) the fixer is not a fair weather member of the fleet, it serves year round and in all but snow. Six months and a few thousand miles spent navigating slippery backwaters carpeted in soggy dung, salt, stones and other caustic, nasties have made zero impression.

In the interests of critical evaluation, I’ve been uncharacteristically slack when it comes to cleaning, allowing grime, filth and spatter to cultivate and solidify around the down tube, bottom bracket shell and rear triangle for several weeks at a time. 

With this in mind, its worth noting that any imperfections resulting from reasonable use would be honoured under warrantee. After all, winter, ‘cross and mountain bikes serve in contexts where a grimy patina is to be expected. Several months’ ride-into-the-ground neglect is not.

Do not expect a spray shop offering and enduring warrantee to cut corners.   

Critics of powder cite weight as being a major detraction and yes, compared with a 2pac it does pile on the grams, which could be a deal breaker for race whippets and other bikes on calorie controlled diets. This leads some finishers to skip the zinc phosphate primer and go straight to paint at customer request.  

Many mass produced racks/accessories are painted this way as it keeps costs competitive, In the event of stone chip/similar damage, the frame/fork's parent metal is left vulnerable to the elements. Moisture can sneak beneath, the colour coat, which then peels/flakes-especially if corrosion/oxidisation has been able to thrive unnoticed.  

Never ask, let alone attempt to cajole a project finisher to do something they know to be poor practice.  

Elsewhere, I’ve finally found a suitable body to replace my elderly Sony Alpha workhorse SLR. This enables me to retain my range of Minolta lenses, which are still quite plentiful and relatively inexpensive second hand.

In the hands-on sense, I’m fond of Sony’s A & NEX systems but irked by the Japanese firm’s tendency to discard, or change spec, seemingly on a whim and compelling owners to abandon or upgrade. Such practices might be acceptable for enthusiast armatures but a sure-fire way of alienating semi/pro audiences. 

Talking of electronics, my Hudl2 tablet computer has also gone the way of my previous KA’s exhaust baffles and arouses suspicions that inbuilt, software induced obsolescence was responsible.

Tesco, the retail giant was quite public in its intentions to discontinue and therefore, no longer support the range. I had it repaired under original guarantee at the close of November and this work carried a further 90 day warrantee.

Said Android powered device suddenly expired while I was entering the soft corridor of sleep a few days outside of that period. Annoying yes but lesson learned and I’ll acquire a different brand, when one presents at the right price. Bert Wagendorp’s “Ventoux” has just landed on the Seven Day Cyclist test bench, so I’m off for a read before drawing up a shortlist for potential design interns...

Kit N' Caboodle

New Seven Day Cyclist site is now live www.sevendaycyclist.com , reflecting our global audience.

February can be one of the more challenging months in the cyclist’s calendar. As a product tester, it’s also one of the most interesting because harsh, wintery conditions separate the exceptional from the very good and good from indifferent.

Chain lubes, tyres and tubes being the most obvious machine-centric examples and from a rider’s perspective; clothing. Hands and feet are the first extremities the brain shuts down to conserve energy.  

Gloves need to be warm and ideally waterproof but without feeling clammy or overly bulky-needing to remove them when locking bikes in the street, or tending roadside mechanicals is no joke when the mercury is slipping below zero.

The transition to University and a ramshackle suburban semi bearing an uncanny resemblance to that used in “The Young Ones” cured my sensitivity to cold (I was up at 530am and out on the winter bike most days, if for no other reason than keeping warm!)

We had ice and black mould forming within the bathroom and as for a boiler, well that would’ve been condemned by anyone valuing their Corgi registration…Fast forward 23 years and six months, I approach winter with base layer, thermal tights, thermal training jersey and two layer laminate jacket, gloves and if its wet, overshoes.

Overshoes not only protect the feet from chill but expensive shoes from being ravaged by the slimy cocktail of road salt, grit, diesel oil and similar toxic sludge. There’s a school of thought that advocates running hand-me-down but serviceable framesets with P-clips, cast off components and older training kit. Run everything into the ground, rebuild with the next relegated groupset.

Makes a lot of sense on many levels, especially if you are a trade/business for who time literally is money. I tend to be fastidious by nature, although, aside from close of season servicing, there's no reason why a thorough weekly bars to tyres clean of bikes n’ kit should consume more than 45minutes from start to finish.

Products must be evaluated against their design criteria i.e. its not far to expect a lightweight summer chain prep to withstand waterlogged winter roads but by the same token, if a waxy type formula arrives at this time of year, that is exactly when it will be tested. Some super clean lubes have been a pleasant surprise.

Not as stoical as middleweight ISO/PTFE blends perhaps but this Rock n’ Roll absolute dry has churned along for 170miles between replenishment, collects nominal dirt (thus drivetrains can be run until the faint metal on metal tinkling intrudes) and without recourse to solvent baths or similar stripping. I’m not a traditionalist in any respect, especially when it comes to road bikes.

Framesets with a cyclo cross heritage/genealogy are my defaults-big clearances and more relaxed angles mean a sprightly ride with 32/35mm tyres and full length mudguards for comfort and control, whatever the weather front.

Single (or compact doubles) and widely spaced cassettes ensure there’s enough torque for pretty much everything (Surrey’s Leith and Box hills being prime examples) but without the additional weight and complication of the traditional triple.

Even with the little n’ often mantra, keeping my Univega’s  a’la carte Deore LX, STX, Microshift, Tiagra and KMC ensemble on song year round is a chore.

On the subject of rider attire, trade jerseys and or day-glow tends to dominate roadie wardrobes, although several brands including Foska has offered interesting alternatives. Some of which have been a little hit n’ miss (I’ve never fancied being a mobile hoarding for baked beans, although their long discontinued CCP hammer & sickle soviet print remains a firm favourite. Their "I pay road tax" tax disc print, designed to counter the old but enduring myth that roads are paid for by vehicle excise duty (VED). It is in fact paid by income and other forms of public taxation.

Possibly the most controversial were sported by the Columbian women’s team, which have been mistaken for full frontal shots back in 2014. We are since told the flesh type tones were down to poor lighting when the photographs were taken. Not satisfied with that, this  Xirayas de San Luis seems to be a mobile anatomy lesson. Debate rages as to whether its a fashion faux pas, PR genius or another example of casual, everyday sex/misogyny...   

At the other extreme(partly due to the reignited mainstream interest in messenger chic and cycle commuting being seen as “cool”; rather than cheapskate), a few brands both here and in the US have been introducing street styled garments with cycling cut and technical fabrics.

These ensure you’ll attract the right sort of attention when sashaying round the office, or meeting friends on a night out, yet still ride short to moderate distances with greater comfort and efficiency. Like anything else, performance depends on price, those at the lower end of the market will breathe less efficiently, whereas top end are good enough for day rides and touring.

Messenger knickers were pretty much my everyday default when riding fixer, crosser, mtbs and old school road bikes. Seven Day Cyclist will be casting a critical eye over Dani Foffa’s new urban clothing line www.foffabikes.com in the coming weeks, which promises to be very exciting. Watch this space...

Tiramisu, Tyrants & Tubes

My favourite Italian treat was rudely interrupted by talk of deficits. Having explained there was no deficit (aside from the gulf between their perceived entitlement and legally binding reality) I resumed my meal and discussions of great depth and significance. The nature of which, I am not prepared to expand upon at this point. 

Meanwhile, back on the test bench Tubeless tyre systems are gaining popularity, on account of their tuneable, puncture repelling nature. In the same way “clinchers” began rivalling tubulars (Tubs) during the late 80s and 90s, I can see these overtaking high pressure wired-on rubber once conversion kits are perfected.

Tubulars retain a niche following even now. The need for sewing and gluing induces traumatic flashbacks but aside from reduced weight at the crucial points, rims themselves were proportionately much stronger.  Rather like the common cold, preventing punctures has been around since the dawn of pneumatic tyres.

Solid tyres re-emerge every so often and though they have improved slightly since the days I whizzed round the parental driveway astride my rod braked Raleigh Elf;  its disproportionate to price and overall performance.

Assuming you haven’t obliterated rims during the mounting phase and alienated your neighbours with a seamless band of expletives; those I’ve tried deliver a harsh and unforgiving ride that ultimately shakes spokes and fillings loose with consummate ease.

For most of us, dependant upon rim sections it boils down to a choice between bog standard butyl and puncture repelling tyre casings, thorn repellent tubes or the sealant type. All have their pros and cons and to some extent, rather like the glue-less v traditional patch debate; it’s a question of rider faith.

We’re presently putting a series of each through their paces at Seven Day Cyclist (www.sevendaycyclist.co.uk) to see how they perform overall, not just in terms of puncture prevention. Are they limited to asphalt, or can the bigger sections cope with canal path and similarly challenging short cuts…

It’s not difficult to appreciate the allure of a self-healing tube, especially for commuting. When I worked behind the counter, these were a real money-spinner but are the premium pre-filled superior to their budget counterparts? Are these repairable or bin fodder in the event they succumb to a big flint or thorn.  Is it better to fill standard tubes with aftermarket sealant, or buy ready made?

In my experience, the goo-filled genre works to the same basic science. Varying quantities of liquid lay dormant until a small hole appears; internal (air) pressure forces it to the affected area whereupon said sealant (theoretically) plugs the affected area.

Some pressure loss is inevitable and topping up with a hand pump, or Co2 inflator is generally required. Sometimes the latter are required to awaken the latex if it’s been slumbering a while, so don’t leave home without them, even using the most invulnerable tyre casings.

Piercings to a millimetre in diameter are pretty much their limit-hit a series of really nasty thorns, or the proverbial nine-inch nail with your name on it and chances are, you will be mopping up a big sticky mess. Hopefully, you didn’t forget the spare, pump, tyre boot etc and your riding companions will rally round, not laugh like crazed hyenas... Now; time for a batch before I head out for another quick blast along the lanes...

Carnage & Cams

I’ll leave the first few shots to your imagination-for legal reasons I cannot reveal anymore at this juncture. Suffice to say, I’m very glad to have walked away unharmed (More than can be said for my beloved Neptune green KA) and a dash cam is now essential equipment for me.

Fearing that I might be tempted to start a sanctuary for unloved Mk1s (Seriously underrated little cars) I hired its successor and went hunting for the low mileage, late model replacement seen here. 

Rare that I have any affinity for the top gear team but after 200 miles found myself agreeing whole heartedly with their summary of the MK2 “Disappointing second-generation version of Ford’s groundbreaking 1990s city car. That model was a classic: this one is just a rehashed Fiat 500. Literally”.

Yes, the Mk2 has plenty of consumer toys, a dashboard that tells the driver they need to change into 5^th at 33mph, leaving the 1.2 Zetec struggling on the flat let alone a modest incline. Another concern is that some drivers are becoming deskilled by this sort of technology, changing up on a sweeping bend when they should’ve held back in preparation for what, or indeed who might present around the corner. Unfortunately, stupidity cannot be legislated against.

Even budget dash-cams can capture decent footage these days, reviewing the casual indifference and downright carelessness of some people on public roads, regardless of vehicle stirs some very strong emotions. Politicians are very keen on law and order rhetoric. The present British administration is talking in terms of doubling fines and endorsement for use of hand-held devices while driving. Sounds good but of little consequence unless robustly enforced.

Public sector funding cuts have stark implications for policing too. Anecdotally, I’ve seen police drive casually by a driver handset welded to their ear and engrossed in conversation! Driving along motorways at 60-65mph, I’ve found myself gaining on vehicles occupying the middle lane at 45mph, relaxed in the seats, chatting away without a care in the world. Life unfortunately is cheap.

Hmm, ah I see, it was an accident...It might be accepted that you may not have intended to kill that person(s) by ploughing into them oblivious but an accident is best defined as something that you could not reasonably expect or predict.

It is more commonly used to mitigate responsibility and therefore, punitive sanctions. Face in a hand-held device when you are operating a ton plus of steel and should be focused on conditions ahead, is not.  

Economic hardship is another popular card, played to avoid loss of a licence. Until driving is seen as a privilege and not a right, with the emphasis placed upon continuously improving standards (throughout the licence holder’s life) then this callous indifference and needless loss of life will continue.     

Then of course, we have the “punishment pass”...Ironically enough, I’d left the Geonaute behind last Wednesday afternoon. Five miles from base, I was bowling along at a smart pace on the Univega. Glancing over my shoulder, a white Citroen van with an LV60 plate was advancing, although not at unreasonable speed.

Twenty seconds later, the driver intentionally swerved into my path screaming expletives before swinging into a right turn sans indicating. Without the complete registration, or camera evidence, reporting this to the police was pointless... Now, if the self proclaimed “People’s Judge” James Pickles were still alive, I’m confident he’d be saying that dressed in figure hugging Lycra tights and astride a Scarlet bicycle, I was “asking for it”.    

Fortunes. Fleet & Fargo

                                    

Seven Day Cyclist’s new site is well underway and we hope to be live in a matter of weeks. Snow struck central, Northern and even some South Easterly parts last weekend before turning to wintry rain and subsequently slush, which turns surfaces into skating rinks.

Rob Harwood (Col Velo www.colvelo.co.uk) warned of black ice on his facebook page and was remaining on the turbo trainer. I’m still toying with the idea of shodding my Univega with Schwalbe winter spiked tyres but after a few days of seasonally appropriate temperatures, the mercury zooms upwards into the mid teens!

Timely then these 25mm section BTwin and lifeline (Decathlon www.decathlon.couk  and Wiggle www.wiggle.co.uk respectively) should arrive at my door. Once shunned in favour of 23 and 28mm, 25mm is enjoying something of a resurgence, with some commentators suggesting it will overtake 23mm as the default for competitive riding.

 

Both sport direction specific tread, relatively and puncture repelling belts, although the B’Twin is a coarser, 60tpi casing. Aside from being tricky customers to mount, several wet rides in  and I'm quite impressed. The B'Twin deliver a less compliant ride but both offer a decent turn of speed, reasonable comfort and decent grip when cornering at 23mph.  

Looking good for cost conscious winter/training builds, though I'm inclined towards the B'Twin on a fixer build where transmission braking (Holding off against the cranks) offers more control across slippery surfaces.
 

Generally speaking, tyre casings are puncture resistant by degrees  (rather than proof) and this tends to be determined by belt material and coverage. Some only defend the centre strip, which still offers useful protection but leaves the shoulders vulnerable to sharps. Similarly, some riders are more prone to puncturing than others. 

Goo filled tubes are another concept that has been with us for a very long time.

 

The idea is the sealant sloshes around in the tube and seals tiny holes as you ride, with nominal loss of pressure-hence their appeal among commuters. I’ve found them quite useful as compliments to stout tyres with aramid casings. Some brands work better than others and the slimy stuff eventually goes off-sometimes spurting from the valve head (splodges on rims and flooring alike are tell-tale signs).

In my experience the sealant is most mobile and therefore, effective in milder weather. A really viscous sharp can rupture them irreparably-thankfully rare but seriously messy and never tempt fate by leaving spare tubes at home..

Riders with bikes on strict calorie controlled diets should also note there is a minor weight penalty to be paid. Nonetheless, it’ll be interesting to see how these compare with some household names.
 

Talking of which, my Ilpompino’s Acor sealed cartridge bearing bottom bracket has unexpectedly got the grumbles less than 4,000miles in, which is disappointing but I’ve decided to plump for a UN55, which should run closer to 10,000. It also forced the issue of sorting the Univega’s front brake and other generic, mid-winter servicing.

A hole in the rear mudguard has been successfully plugged with this AA fuelled single (steady) mode “Torch” guard specific LED cum reflector and aside from giving everything a seriously thorough clean, we’ve lost the rack mounted bag and Axiom lowriders in favour of the brands capacious H20 wedge pack.

Then we have these exotic looking Rock lube Rock n’ Roll chain lubricants-gold, extreme and absolute dry. Colour aside, these are a potent petrochemical family that differ from traditional chain lubes, most notably in terms of application.

Firstly, the solvent properties seem such that (a) to stripping chains of pre-existing lube beforehand isn’t strictly necessary (although I’d still recommend doing so, especially if you’ve been running a grime-enticing wet blend). Secondly, you don’t drizzle them into the links in the traditional way but apply it atop the chain from the cassette end.

Directions suggest they cure best I warm conditions-so I’ve applied the gold and extreme outside and then brought Ilpompino and Univega inside (room temperature) for twenty minutes. Despite their viscosity, wastage has been fairly nominal, although wiping the links afterward is imperative. Either way, I’m expecting something very special given they command £20 apiece.   

Elsewhere, I popped down to Coventry’s fargo village to see what had changed-quite a bit and not just the menu at Urban Coffee Company. Expansion has brought new traders, while others have grown into larger premises. Dashing blades is a slightly unusual but very enticing barbers offering a blend of traditional and modern scissor skill. My significant other had been enthusiastic about the proprietor’s distinctive and well-groomed style.

Cue a reworking of my generous thatch, which was beginning to look straggly, rather than styled. Given Rob has long curly hair, I automatically felt at ease and Sharon noted our obvious rapport. Fifteen minutes later, ten pounds changed hands and I left, pleased with his service and happy to return....