Safe As Houses....

Seven Day Cyclist (www.sevendaycyclist.co.uk) continues to attract the desired demographic along with increasingly disparate contributors. Fancy a freebie?

Simply like our facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/Sevendaycyclistmagazine?ref=aymt_homepage_panel) to be in with a chance of bagging this Carbon Pro sports travel kit comprising of their dri shine, chain cleaner, heavy duty lube, med lube and microfibre towel.

The battle of the bike washes intensifies with some interesting twists too. Supposedly safe on carbon, lacquered, plated, painted and polished surfaces; all tackle the usual mucky suspects capably but a couple have proved disarmingly efficient, though seemingly gentle degreasers too…

This signalled a timely end to the Teenage Dream’s seasonal hibernation. I had planned to upgrade the groupset to something contemporary of the Sun Race or Microshift flavour but frankly, I can’t bear to be parted from the quaint, though likeable a ’la carte mix of 80s, 90s and early noughties Campagnolo.

Outclassed in sporting terms (along with the “Low rent” 531competition tubeset) said machine still behaves in excellent proportions and the framesets' makeover still pleases me greatly.  

I’ve also bagged a temporary facilities management gig to balance the books. This week has been one of imploding ceilings, surly contractors, tenants locking themselves out while inebriated and then purging their colonic demons noisily (and messily) in communal toilets.

Back on bikes, we’ve been playing musical tyres. After 200miles the 35mm section Vittoria Voyager hyper and MK2 Ilpompino rear triangle proved breathtakingly close, hence I reverted to the front 32mm Kenda Kwicker. Alternating between front and rear tyres was once widely advocated but is incredibly dangerous practice.

However, scrapping a worn rear, popping brand spanking new rubber up front and having the old one follow behind remains acceptable. Similar problems arose with the Univega and Kenda small block 8 pairing but I’m keen to retain its go-anywhere persona, so resurrected these 1.75 section Vittoria Randonneur trail. As its chain and cassette sneak into that twilight before retirement, I found myself toying with the idea of cutting the tubby one down a ring and introducing 11-30 cassette.

A few minutes virtual rummaging later I’d found a nickel plated HG50 for £10 and this similarly worthy KMC has just arrived from chicken cycles. Substitution will strike once I’ve reached another 250miles and can say something concrete about the Muc Off hydrodynamic lube. This will also prove a convenient moment for investigating and hopefully purging that phantom squeak. Some Genetic bar wrap promising phenomenal purchase and damping properties has just arrived and will mummify its muzzies when I get a moment.  

Elsewhere, I’ve been indulging in some graffiti porn and a recent spate of thefts has given cause to revise my own security systems. It’s widely accepted that good locks are only to keep honest people out and to deter others. Most thieves are looking for something that can pilfer discretely within a minute but nothing is invulnerable.

Using two different (Sold secure) types certainly helps but assumes organised criminals don’t arrive in well-equipped vans. Brute force is their default and techniques are common knowledge. This particular group of “professional” is also extremely mobile, quashing any notion of “safe” areas.  

Yes, the probability of falling victim in a well healed semi-rural community is less than slum inner city neighbourhoods but criminals are only too willing to exploit this, often targeting several locations each night before disappearing on the motorway network.  Obviously, strong locks are only part of the equation.

Those living in private rented accommodation have fewer options when it comes to installing wall-anchors and other high security measures. However, aside from robust physical security, think carefully about your online activity. I’m astounded by the number of people who post photos of their pride and joy in a way that leaves them sitting ducks.  

Salvage

After several attempts with Southern scrappies, I managed to persuade a Midlands based vehicle dismantler to let me photograph his yard in action. Arriving with steel toes, hi-viz jacket and assurances I would take only my images met with surprisingly little resistance.

Fiats, Alfa Romeo, Vauxhall and even the odd X type Jaguar sat in neat piles, their empty bodies squashed like discarded soft drinks cans. Teenage lads peered inside elderly Nissan Micras (not the most obvious Yoof wagons!); while I pondered the lives of three mk1 Ka stacked nearby and pressed the shutter at desired intervals.

Rediscovery of my Cyclo tyre removal and fitting tool’s replacement head has spelt an end to tyre torment and prompted the resurrection of these26x2.1 Kenda Small block eight for some off the beaten track fun with the Geonaute.

As their name suggests, the small block 8 are a closely spaced knobbly designed for optimal speed and control across hard surfaces with operating range between 30 and 80psi. They’ll quickly clog and become slicks in gloopy mud but this was academic given full-length mudguards preclude anything trickier than dry woodland trails.

Said tubby tourer’s drivetrain has also developed a phantom squeak. Crank arms are tight, chain properly dressed (in Muc-Off Hydrodynamic lube, which has evolved into a seemingly hygienic wet potion these past 120 mixed terrain miles). Definitely not those Time ATAC pedals but rotating the cranks suggests the fit n’ forget UN55 bottom bracket might be culpable.

Not obvious sources of grief, since these (and their UN52/54 predecessors) enjoy legendary reliability-10,000 miles or more in some cases). Faulty seals/bearings are possible, albeit unlikely since I avoid jet washing like the plague. Will monitor for now and may even plump for an FSA or Stronglight next time round.  

Things they say; happen for a reason and while wrestling with the anaconda that is writer’s block, I sought solace in my austere, though practical concrete plot known affectionately as the Soviet block and began testing the degreasant claims of some bike wash formulas. Experience leads me to conclude that concentrates harness best-of both worlds performance, though require careful alchemy.

Pre-mixed blends are generally bang on for speedy cleaning of non/organic stuff thrown up from the roads and trails but their neutrality to all frame materials and finishes means they can’t cut through the sort of congealed claggy grot harboured by winter/fixed/cross and mountain bikes fed tenacious ceramic or even, old school wet lubes.

Common sense dictates starting with the bike’s transmission; otherwise you’ll just coat the rear triangle in mucky spatter and smear it over the frame. Therefore, I decided to whip out the Ilpompino’s rear wheel for minimal faff. Good thing I did –closer inspection of the 32mm Kenda Kwicker Bitumen revealed the iron cap casing was riddled with flints that could induce puncture of epic, tube-binning proportions!  

Murphy’s Law reasons this would strike several miles from home on a wet and windy night. The casing is reparable and I will fashion two boots from offcuts of scrap tyre at a more convenient moment.Generally speaking, 32mm is the limit with full length mudguards but being a slick, a 35mm Vittoria Voyager Hyper fits without touching anything-just, we are talking tighter than a hipster’s trousers.

Some WD40 drivetrain degreaser had arrived during the week and having achieved predictably lacklustre results using two generic bike washes; I shook, aimed and fired in two short blasts. Several months’ congealed gunk ran like mascara from the stainless steel track sprockets. Breathtakingly quick, though cautions suggest minimising contact with seals and similar rubberised/plastics.

Then of course, after several years’ faithful service, the pressure gauge on my Revolution floor pump is singing its swan-song and this rather likeable Axiom multi-tool literally blew its guts while slumbering in my rack bag. Again, I’ll attempt reconstructive surgery shortly but thankfully, Axiom offers original purchasers a lifetime warrantee against manufacturing defect.

Integral gauges tend to be the Achilles’ heel of budget track pumps, which generally soldier on for several years before heading up to that great bike shop in the sky. Standalone gauges are more reliable in any case.

Spring may have brought longer evenings but the advent of some much needed temping means tweaking one’s ride schedule. Time to resurrect the big guns for spirited back road blasting methinks…