Beating a Retreat

Sometimes, enforced leave's the best way to remain focused and moreover productive. Bang up to date with immediate deadlines and other planned works, I took a few days away from the keyboard to photograph petty women against gritty backdrops of urban and coastal decay. Had to do a fair bit of bobby dodging since police and private security firms are very prone to overzealous and dare I say, aggressive misinterpretation of anti terror legislation. On the flip side, there are those who do not help themselves, gaining access to buildings under the misconception that trespass is as serious as things will get, when in fact breaking and entering or indeed, criminal damage is more probable.

Sites of medical/industrial origin present other hazards including asbestos, pigeon faeces, biological/chemical pollution. Depending on their location, squatting and all that it attracts can prove a very dangerous cocktail. Some years ago, I happened upon an abandoned house in one of London’s most deprived districts. A trail of scorched silver foil blowing about this particular tenement was a clear indicator of what awaited me as I zipped through an adjoining alley leading to what remained of the back door…A couple, probably in their early twenties were desperately chasing another hit of heroin-it was to be their last. I took three shots through a 50-200mm lens before slipping into the high rd.  

Having prepped the Univega prior my departure, I noted a few fresh chips in its somewhat delicate flamboyant red enamel. Mercifully, a quick scout around Superdrug uncovered the perfect touch up stick-yep; nail varnish to the rest of us. Aside from pillar-box or Coca Cola, first-rate retouching of reds, especially those of the metallic persuasion is notoriously difficult. This particular brand dries in sixty seconds but I’ve applied two or three thin coats before allowing them to cure overnight.

On the subject of refinishing, the otherwise tough satin powder coat finish adorning the beefy expedition rack is beginning to tire slightly where panniers and other luggage sit so I’m toying with having it blasted clean and given a colour-coordinated rebirth. The other alternative is a phenomenally resilient industrial treatment known as plasti-coat. Applied in the same fashion as powder its commonly used on wrought ironwork and similar ferrous metals left in the most challenging environments. Given its notorious difficult removal –even with extensive chemical assistance, the faintest trace on threaded sections spells disaster so you’d never apply it to a frameset… Were I to take this route, I’d also ask if they’d mind passing this simple tune up stand through at the same time since the existing paint is firmly in dip n’ hope territory.

In the meantime, Rory at Upgrade has been kind enough to send me a bundle of goodies including Lezyne’s power rack elite-a beautifully executed TIG welded aluminium affair complete with 25 kilo maximum payload, this rather fetching, long handled pedal rod and Microshift Sti brifters. The latter are nine, as opposed to eight-speed, short reach examples heralding the Ultegra bar cons’ retirement and more or less completing the tubby tourer’s road biased, yet trail friendly evolution. Despite sporting an extra click, these index perfectly with eight while rivalling Tiagra in performance stakes. Elsewhere, a garage gremlin appears to have gobbled all my open ended ten millimetre wrenches-the sort perfect for nipping old school cantilever brake pads snug. Thankfully, much rummaging unearthed one of those awful but will- do- in- a- pinch giveaway types.

Product testing forms a major part of my work and these days it’s genuinely rare to find bad ones per se. Sure the odd howler, or rogue model crops up from time to time, sometimes with hilarious consequences. Most recently and falling into the latter camp was this otherwise super cheery house branded waterproof day pannier, ideally suited to quick release, post mounted racks. Swooping through the deserted backwaters with only a gentle breeze, moonlight and furtive scurrying emanating from the hedgerows for company, I was compiling a mental list of priorities when a blood-curdling rip as the pannier’s mounting hardware parted company with the weatherproof fabric tore through my serenity!

A modest cargo consisting of armoured cable lock, tyre levers, patch kit, spare tube, multi tool, pump, Co2 inflator, cable ties and compact camera hardly constitutes overloading but thankfully, the humble plastic ties were up to the job of lashing everything together, allowing me to complete the ride, albeit with one ear attune to further, untimely demise.

Naturally, I reported this to the distributor who are determining whether its an isolated fluke or symptomatic of a sub standard batch. Then came a trio of track pumps, which Joshua helpfully proclaimed looked like detonators, doubtless intensifying neighbourly suspicion. Lest I forget to seat a 700x23 tyre and tube properly, resulting in an ear shattering din otherwise those poor darlings will scatter beneath dining room tables, some hands on heads, others with the home office on speed dial…

Lipstick, Powder n' Paint

"Red lips, hair and finger-nails, I can tell you're a mean old Jezebel, let's go upstairs and read my tarot cards"...Ahem, well, here's the offending top-tube enamel imperfection in question- insignificant but annoying nonetheless. Much pleading with close female friends, siblings and the odd passer by for good measure drew little more than playful ridicule, so I boldly strolled through the doors of a well-known high street cosmetics chain and scanned the neatly aligned rows of nail varnish (quietly oblivious to periodic quizzical glances) until I happened upon this "New York Color". Not quite a perfect match (Metallic being notoriously tricky) but cures close enough on small areas. Univega's haven't been imported to these shores for a few years but should a genuine OEM colour stick come under my radar at the right price, I'll snap it up there and then. Maldon Shot Blasting & Powder Coating's showroom was positively awash with vibrant, beautiful colours, brightening up the prospect of another day's dull but necessary temping. This glittering pearlescent livery transforms an otherwise bargain basement mid nineties Cro-moly mtb frameset into a thing of beauty. The effect is created using a "flip" powder coat and would cost around £80/90 (including VAT and blasting dependant upon whether a lacquer coat was required). These plain-gauge tubesests aren't particularly rewarding to ride but resist dents and dings better than exotica while lateral stiffness ensures dependable laden handling-especially paired with trailers/tag-alongs.The constant lockings and unlocking take their toll on a bike's livery and while mummifying the top-tube in old inner tube certainly helps, design Maestro's Knog think they have overcome this necessary evil by introducing a range of locks encased in their trademark medical-grade silicone. Pictured is their amusingly monikered mid range Kransky which occupies their " Council Estate" security rating. Complete with "strap-on" carry bracket and tipping the scales at around the kilo mark, it isn't designed to match the outright security of ABUS Steel-O Flex and similar top-flight urban defences but it's really convenient, parking up for shorter periods in prominent areas around town, on club runs, track meets etc. So far so good but we'll see how it fairs under assault from the bike thief's typical arsenal in the coming weeks... Elsewhere, the ETC cushioned cork wrap unveiled last week might just be the perfect finishing touch for long haul tourists and mile munching Audax aficionados looking to trim costs without sacrificing comfort. Generous measures also permit the use of aftermarket MARS type shock absorbing underlays (so long as you didn't mind a slightly chunky look to your cockpit). Real world performance is equally impressive, providing excellent all conditions purchase whether screaming fully laden along wet, winding descents or simply trickling through town.Prolonged rides on and sans asphalt, in gloved or bare hands suggests cushioning rivals that of more exotic polymer blends, although December was quick to leave her calling card upon our pink sample. In fairness, tickled with a medium bristled brush dipped in warm, soapy water returned ours to its original lustre but winter, cross and other bikes in hard service are better served by the more restrained red or blue variants.

Freezing conditions coupled with a modest thaw are once again wreaking havoc upon our infrastructures. Rim ruinous potholes are opening up everywhere and in light of central government spending cuts, local authorities are struggling to cope. Cushioned by two inch rubber and mtb wheels certainly helps but I've had to swerve around a few where the asphalt has seemingly opened up in slow motion!

Persistent low-level vibration succeeded in loosening the RSP Tour light mounting hardware and the recently fitted 12-25 cassette. Both easily cured using 8/10mm wrenches and this rather nifty little tool from Cyclo. Measuring 24cm long, it consumes nominal space in saddlebag or tool board and is so much nicer to use than the traditional hexagonal types thanks to superior leverage, accurate machining and rubberised handle.

Relentless testing of the Gusset 8spd chain suggests the factory lube is one of the most tenacious I've ever come across, still clinging to the links in spite of high mileages in the present climate, although mercy came in the form of Finish line's one stop cleaner and lube to coincide with tightening of the cassette body. Regular audiences will note my sporadic search for decent quality 350/400mm posts in the increasingly obscure 26.0 diameter.

Enter our old friend serendipity and some casual conversation revealed Dutch component brand BBB still offer their aptly named "Skyscraper" in extensive and more unusual sizes (25.4 through to 27.2 in point two millimetre increments). Some may baulk at the 386g weight penalty but rigidity is of greater significance on smaller mtb/other compact geometry designs-especially those that partake in tag-along slavery. Sure, there's nothing, structural or otherwise wrong with the venerable polished and lacquered Kalloy but I've happened upon this model at a very tempting price so, seeing as it coordinates perfectly with the Univega's other finishing kit...

Snow Joke!

Snow is big news here in the UK, although to be fair, the last few winters have been quite dramatic as a result. The much promised white-out finally hit this corner of the South East on Monday night/ early hours of Tuesday morning. Frustrated by a lack of creativity and working on the basis conditions would be fine so long I took it gently; Univega and I popped out to test some kit and chase the blues away. Once we'd negotiated the lanes, main roads seemed relatively clear so I increased the tempo to 14mph monitoring every tyre rotation for sheet ice and anything else that might result in an intimate encounter with Terra firma. Deserted backwaters are always a bad bet and quickly present a false sense of security. Two and a quarter miles into our twelve mile saunter, Mother Nature reminded me of her unyielding superiority. Negotiating a slippery section, I un-clipped my left foot and was paddling through when the otherwise exemplary Schwalbe lost traction- attempts to counteract the inevitable proved futile. Miraculously, I caught the bike's fall so, completely unscathed, we continued and ultimately finished the excursion as planned. Ironic then that these Continental Nordic Spike 120 should arrive the next day. As the name suggests, these are an extreme conditions tyre designed to cope with ice, snow, sleet and slush. Available in 700c, their 42mm profiles can present compatibility hassles with more traditional 'cross, touring and hybrids while 900g a piece might seem unpalatable to some but with notable exception, they're the safest tyres for treacherous roads and indeed trails. Bearing striking resemblance to the archetypal cross country mountain bike tyre, the open tread ploughs through the snow while 120 steel studs provide the traction, biting deep into the ice beneath. Phenomenal braking and cornering prowess along with ultra dependable three-ply casings inspire confidence and speeds of around fifteen mph, although sharp acceleration-say entering a roundabout can induce momentary losses of grip. Given the level of performance, £80 for a pair is money well spent-especially those of us employed on a "Don't work, don't eat" contract basis who can ill afford time off and a crash damaged steed into the bargain. Being critical, reflective sidewalls would've been a nice touch and I'd love a 26 inch (MTB) version!
Markedly cheaper performance upgrades are these pro series cantilever pads from Jagwire that offer plenty of smiles per mile at £10 for a complete set. To my surprise, they're compatible with all rim types from polished alloy to ceramic and carbon exotica, toeing-In's a cinch and (decent cables allowing) will transform the modulation and feel of older designs (e.g. mid nineties Shimano M system) employing 7mm threaded stubs. Better still, the secret formula all-conditions compounds are cartridges so simply slip out of their shoes with the help of a two millimetre Allen key should you fancy something less generic. Whether a Christmas treat for the working bike or a stocking filler "thank you" to someone special, it's hard to see where you'd go wrong.

Reasoning a top mounted axillary lever might facilitate greater control, enhancing our centre of gravity when scrubbing off the speed in inclement conditions, I offered this rather befitting Specialized model to the bars. Ball burnished satin, black, 31.8 diameter complete with hinged clamp it was the perfect, unobtrusive cockpit compliment... However, said lever scampered back to the spares drawer once it became apparent the WTB are only over size at the bulge diameter.Inviting the tubby tourer into the kitchen for a well-earned polish presented the obvious opportunity to fit this very fetching pink wrap. (Being a test sample, you takes pot luck) but the macho boys will be relieved to hear there's a choice of several primary colours too. Teasing aside, it's remarkably generous and very compliant, winding elegantly around the most extreme drops- perfect for those Midge/ Major Taylor's. Often, less expensive wraps are let down by poor adhesives but these sit just where they're put yet remain tolerant of surreptitious unravelling. First impressions seem favourable but long, steady winter miles are key-especially when it comes to such a pale hue. Now, I'm looking for a nail varnish to match the frame's metallic red... there's this small but infuriating nick along the top tube......