Lipstick, Powder n' Paint

"Red lips, hair and finger-nails, I can tell you're a mean old Jezebel, let's go upstairs and read my tarot cards"...Ahem, well, here's the offending top-tube enamel imperfection in question- insignificant but annoying nonetheless. Much pleading with close female friends, siblings and the odd passer by for good measure drew little more than playful ridicule, so I boldly strolled through the doors of a well-known high street cosmetics chain and scanned the neatly aligned rows of nail varnish (quietly oblivious to periodic quizzical glances) until I happened upon this "New York Color". Not quite a perfect match (Metallic being notoriously tricky) but cures close enough on small areas. Univega's haven't been imported to these shores for a few years but should a genuine OEM colour stick come under my radar at the right price, I'll snap it up there and then. Maldon Shot Blasting & Powder Coating's showroom was positively awash with vibrant, beautiful colours, brightening up the prospect of another day's dull but necessary temping. This glittering pearlescent livery transforms an otherwise bargain basement mid nineties Cro-moly mtb frameset into a thing of beauty. The effect is created using a "flip" powder coat and would cost around £80/90 (including VAT and blasting dependant upon whether a lacquer coat was required). These plain-gauge tubesests aren't particularly rewarding to ride but resist dents and dings better than exotica while lateral stiffness ensures dependable laden handling-especially paired with trailers/tag-alongs.The constant lockings and unlocking take their toll on a bike's livery and while mummifying the top-tube in old inner tube certainly helps, design Maestro's Knog think they have overcome this necessary evil by introducing a range of locks encased in their trademark medical-grade silicone. Pictured is their amusingly monikered mid range Kransky which occupies their " Council Estate" security rating. Complete with "strap-on" carry bracket and tipping the scales at around the kilo mark, it isn't designed to match the outright security of ABUS Steel-O Flex and similar top-flight urban defences but it's really convenient, parking up for shorter periods in prominent areas around town, on club runs, track meets etc. So far so good but we'll see how it fairs under assault from the bike thief's typical arsenal in the coming weeks... Elsewhere, the ETC cushioned cork wrap unveiled last week might just be the perfect finishing touch for long haul tourists and mile munching Audax aficionados looking to trim costs without sacrificing comfort. Generous measures also permit the use of aftermarket MARS type shock absorbing underlays (so long as you didn't mind a slightly chunky look to your cockpit). Real world performance is equally impressive, providing excellent all conditions purchase whether screaming fully laden along wet, winding descents or simply trickling through town.Prolonged rides on and sans asphalt, in gloved or bare hands suggests cushioning rivals that of more exotic polymer blends, although December was quick to leave her calling card upon our pink sample. In fairness, tickled with a medium bristled brush dipped in warm, soapy water returned ours to its original lustre but winter, cross and other bikes in hard service are better served by the more restrained red or blue variants.

Freezing conditions coupled with a modest thaw are once again wreaking havoc upon our infrastructures. Rim ruinous potholes are opening up everywhere and in light of central government spending cuts, local authorities are struggling to cope. Cushioned by two inch rubber and mtb wheels certainly helps but I've had to swerve around a few where the asphalt has seemingly opened up in slow motion!

Persistent low-level vibration succeeded in loosening the RSP Tour light mounting hardware and the recently fitted 12-25 cassette. Both easily cured using 8/10mm wrenches and this rather nifty little tool from Cyclo. Measuring 24cm long, it consumes nominal space in saddlebag or tool board and is so much nicer to use than the traditional hexagonal types thanks to superior leverage, accurate machining and rubberised handle.

Relentless testing of the Gusset 8spd chain suggests the factory lube is one of the most tenacious I've ever come across, still clinging to the links in spite of high mileages in the present climate, although mercy came in the form of Finish line's one stop cleaner and lube to coincide with tightening of the cassette body. Regular audiences will note my sporadic search for decent quality 350/400mm posts in the increasingly obscure 26.0 diameter.

Enter our old friend serendipity and some casual conversation revealed Dutch component brand BBB still offer their aptly named "Skyscraper" in extensive and more unusual sizes (25.4 through to 27.2 in point two millimetre increments). Some may baulk at the 386g weight penalty but rigidity is of greater significance on smaller mtb/other compact geometry designs-especially those that partake in tag-along slavery. Sure, there's nothing, structural or otherwise wrong with the venerable polished and lacquered Kalloy but I've happened upon this model at a very tempting price so, seeing as it coordinates perfectly with the Univega's other finishing kit...

Snap, Crackle.... My Rack Went Pop (aka Midnight at the Lost and Found)

Pride is said to signal a fall from grace. Quietly smug at my ingenuity in devising a lighting bracket from a retired under saddle bottle caddy, the Univega and I were hurtling through the lanes at warp-speed when our serene silence was rudely interrupted by a disconcerting tinkling. Believing it a rogue mudguard stay bolt we drew into the siding but to my surprise,said oh-so-clever lighting bracket had proven too much for the Topeak's LED tab, shearing it clean off! The immediate solution was to pop the light, complete with bracket into the rack pack, closing the zipper tight enough so the corpulant light remained visible.

Being a resourceful hoarder, a recent rummage through storage recovered this very fetching 4130 aircraft grade cro-moly rack complete with a rear bracket ready drilled to accommodate dynamos and lights of similar proportions. Finished in durable satin black powder coat, it boasts phenomenal rigidity and greater heel clearance with bulky expedition panniers. Fitting was surprisingly straightforward, although the stainless steel arms required cutting to size and some longer hex bolts. Twenty minutes, a quick furniture polish blow-over and we were ready for a twelve mile back-roads tester. In short it's transformed the handling under load and adds extra refinement to the build as does the return of these SPD.

Recent muddy green laning has seemingly taken its toll upon the otherwise charming Ritchey copies (manifest in an infuriating squeak suggesting the goo has got to the bearings) so, they've been swapped for the arguably superior 2003 Shimano. The front Dia Tech linear pulls came out in sympathy too-just a question of stripping, cleaning and purging the hidden witches brew of congealed grease, gunge and grime. Last but not least in my catalogue of resourcefulness comes an unexpected replacement for my beloved four dollar Timex. Hunting through a bedside drawer for a replacement CR2032 computer battery, I stumbled across this Chinese made Heart RateMonitor.

A blank display confirmed suspicions of battery demise but carefully opening the back plate and inserting a replacement cell brought the display surging into life. Ensuring this surgery hadn't dislodged the tiny but significant weather seal, I refitted the casing and whizzed the tiny screws fully home. A new watch cum training tool for the princely sum of £3!

Never sans camera, I happened upon two very different, yet equally compelling machines while going about my business. This Cannondale was found loitering, fully dressed in a town centre alleyway secured only by the flimsiest of cable locks. Reasoning the owner had been dancing to the full bladder shuffle and popped into the toilet opposite, I took a few shots before dropping by the bank. To my astonishment it was still there, unmolested with the full complement of "steal me" accessories when I returned some thirty minutes later. Another machine that caught my gaze is this Bianchi conversion. While familiar with the brands' crossers, we don't see to many here on UK roads and I thought the eclectic mix of Celeste, black and baby pink showed remarkable reciprocity. Racing days seemingly over, parred to the essentials it remains a very attractive and practical working bike. Front and rear cantilevers might seem overkill but the Mole Valley is an area of extreme natural beauty, long climbs and breathtaking descents so a rear set is quite welcome-especially in the event of sloppy shoe cleats... Joshua has taken delivery of his new Cro-moly single-speed. Neatly finished and with basic but serviceable components, it tips the scales at a moderate and ultimately manageable twelve kilos. Being a semi compact geometry frameset, it leaves him less stretched while providing all important stand over height. Single-speeds with rigid forks offer rugged simplicity-perfect for younger children while alloy wheels and cheap but cheerful linear pull brakes keep things lively and dependable. Feedback suggests the saddle and post are due an upgrade but replacements are plentiful-especially in the 25.4 diameter. Maybe we'll have some photos next time..

With lighting up times getting progressively earlier, this season's LEDs have become so good to the point where there's precious little to choose between them-great news from a consumer's perspective, albeit a little bewildering. Those with a robust sense of cynicism would argue this is down to widespread badge engineering, models emerging from the same factories with the same internals but different packaging and pricing accordingly.

These RSP flexlights are amongst my favourites, light, simple, weatherproof and very bright relative to their size. Weighing a mere 20g, they're just the ticket for those one coffee, one tall story too many at the post-ride cafe' stop. Output is good to around three hundred and fifty metres, burn times (at least in flashing mode) are impressive, returning ninety hours from a single CR2032 and they work perfectly when fully submerged.