In The Buff (Beware The Ides of March)

I am of course referring to the Uber versatile microfibre Coolmax polyester multifunctional headwear, not some subversive form of racing or lewd, “hacked” images supposedly compromising some Z list zombie.

This clever little do-rag has been with us in ever evolving guises since 1992 and can be worn in a variety of fashions-from the classic Marco Pantani "pirate" or Robert Shaw “bind your skull together” bandanas to flowing Lawrence of Arabia/ French foreign legion fashion to hide helmet hair or indeed protect against sun/heatstroke. This season’s fibres have been tweaked to block 95% of UV rays, while providing even greater odour control, courtesy of a silver yarn (if it works well in short inserts then it’ll do its thing pretty much anywhere!).

They’ve also added a nifty neoprene visor to proceedings, which doesn’t detract from the garments classic ‘stuff in a jersey simplicity and works rather well beneath classic road shaped helmets, sheltering eyes from the sun’s glare and winter’s wrath. Talk of the devil. He’s been making a swift; callus return following a few days’ bright spring-like conditions and local authority/highways agencies have been gritting fervently too, so I expect to see well dressed winter dobbins plodding on obediently for several weeks yet. 

Chrome is a slippery customer, quite popular on older steel trainers but contrary to popular opinion, extremely vulnerable to winter’s worst. Assuming you didn’t want the stained, distressed look or the hassle of regular waxing, a decent finisher could preserve forks under a durable powder coat lacquer (two-pac would be a good choice if you weren’t assured of the electroplates’ pedigree).

£10 upwards is a guide price, assuming no other prep’s required. DIY acrylic stuff works well enough on small areas such as carrier stays but simple economics says outsourcing is the best option- it’ll be applied in a sterile environment and won’t wrinkle, peel or yellow over time. I was recently writing a magazine feature about winter riding in its most holistic sense and had cause to query Justin (Burls) re Old faithfuls’ present spec, since it’s in many respects the archetypal winter trainer. Aside from this and friendly, generic catch ups, he happened to mention some very exciting titanium stuff on the brew, including forks- more about this when I’ve seen them in the flesh. 

Spring remains a busy time for builds n’ makeovers. However, there’s no shortage of Stetson wearing lassoers jumping on the specialist finisher/ powder coating bandwagon. Take this 6061 Cross-country MTB frameset with fresh polar white livery- cursory inspection suggests bubbles have formed during liquefaction in the curing oven-a particularly common but easily corrected fault that occurs among non ferrous metals. However, in this instance, overly aggressive application of/blast media has blown holes through the thin walled tubing. Prep elsewhere is equally slapdash-choked bottom bracket threads and head tube over spray is inexcusable, even by job lot standards.

Maybe its coincidence but there seems more riders than usual on the roads this past week or so, which is always heartening and raises issues of greeting etiquette. Notions of us all being “one big club” are perhaps, somewhat naïve-why should we wave inanely at perfect strangers. However, a reciprocal nod or similar acknowledgement is nice. 

Spain was passionately pro cyclist at one point but a new set of draconian legislation has been rolled out in their parliament. This might sound of little consequence to the UK were it not for the sudden emergence of fringe, single issue groups capitalising on voter indifference, or resentment towards mainstream, established parties. Little is known about their underlying agendas/ beliefs and what this means for a nation and its people…I for one am very perturbed. Cycling could then be banned from public roads, passed through on inaccurate road tax rhetoric; the national minimum wage could be circumnavigated or indeed abolished by use of unpaid internships to name but a few sinister scenarios. 

Ending on a more cheerful note, I’ve been recycling an old set of well travelled Schwalbe; most notably turning them into these voluptuous mud flaps. Cutting through the casings and to size was a doddle once I’d sawn through the folding Kevlar beads-sturdy kitchen scissors did the trimming. Mudguard mounting proved strangely convoluted though. I’d hoped to drill through the chrome plastic before pop riveting the flap in situ but those tough carcasses proved too thick. Eventually I bolted them aboard with stainless steel hardware and 10mm nut, trimming the former with croppers and filing flat. Being brutally honest, shop bought would’ve been more cost effective but there’s something deeply satisfying about making bespoke stuff from reclaimed scrap.

The (positive) Remains Of The Day

Delighted to report seasonally inclement weather has permitted extensive testing of those Schwalbe winter tyres. Tipping the scales at 998g apiece, 50epi (ends per inch) casings, Kevlar belts, tungsten carbide spikes and maximum operating pressure of 70psi denote ones designed to cope competently with the slippery season. Schwalbe recommend running them in for forty kilometres on metalled road before those studs bite predictably and I noticed some very minor cornering squirm on our maiden voyages but nowhere near change of shorts territory.

Having done so, traction on most surfaces is superb, although in common with similar designs, ice and shallow snow requires a steady, consistent riding style. More spirited acceleration; say at roundabouts and junctions can induce pregnant pauses before the spikes catch up but this wasn’t an issue at a steady 17mph along winding rural backwaters.

Once accustomed to their gravelly serenade, I rather enjoyed the training benefits of increased resistance and the smugness of knowing that stretches of iced dung were unlikely to see us clattering across the rutted carriageway in an undignified heap. Provocative over inflation and long, greasy descents couldn’t cajole shimmy or similar bad manners either, even with trailer en tow. Aramid has long been the standard by which puncture repelling casings are judged but the chevron pattern tread expels glass, flints and similarly evil debris with remarkable aplomb while Kevlar belts provide further peace of mind.

Studs wear much faster (especially in regions where snow is an occasional winter visitor) but with negligible effect, tempered by the availability of aftermarket replacements and seasonal use. At seventy odd quid, it’s tempting to suggest they’re an indulgence but means I have the option of heading out in otherwise unfavourable conditions after a hard day’s typing or temping without doing myself and/or machine a mischief. 

Continuing this theme, having heard of my recently demised levers, Paul Winn at Weldtite www.weldtite.co.uk was kind enough to send me two sets of these banana- shaped Cyclo Ezytech. Sharing striking similarity with Pedro’s, they’re made from a lightweight and supposedly super durable polymer.

Broader profiles and more aggressive scoops suggest they’re dependably tenacious with tight beads but I’m going to push the boat out and invest in the British marque’s laughably understated workshop tyre removal and fitting tool and chain rivet extractor for home duties. That said; both cool tool and Specialized EMT are still doing surprisingly well (I nearly said sterling job but that’s inappropriate given the nation’s recent credit downgrade).

    

Ever since spotting a child’s home brewed ‘cross build based around a scrap HLE Peugeot frame that had been chopped, MIG welded together and dressed in leftover paint and parts, I have wanted to create something similar for Joshua. From a purely economic standpoint, the amount of labour involved in sourcing, cutting and fusing such a Franken bike far outstrips its worth. Timely then that Frog bikes have sent me their model 62, a lightweight kids bike tipping the scales at just under ten kilos.

A TIG welded 6061 aluminium chassis (designed for 62cm inside leg), steel fork and 24-inch wheels mean it’s not only light but versatile too thanks to generous frame clearances. OEMs are 1.75 but there’s ample clearance for 1.9 knobblies and trail riding courtesy of a surprisingly lofty bottom bracket. Components are proportionally sized, addressing maters of reach, comfort and control. Transmission wise, a single ring, seven-speed twist grip system offers a decent spread of ratios without being unnecessarily complicated or hefty. However, Joshua will have the casting vote in a few weeks.

Taking an inspirational wander round the web in search of people’s bare bones budget bike builds I happened upon a blog called “Lovely Bicycle” written from a uniquely feminine perspective by a freelance consultant, designer and photographer, who embraces everything from frame building and classic roadsters to dressing beyond Lycra without being biased in any particular direction. I also admire creativity skill and entrepreneurial spirit. Something in plentiful supply at Dill Pickle gear owned and run by Emily O’Brien.

Emily is a mile-munching Massachusetts lady who not only loves pickles and Limericks but also makes a beautiful range of saddlebags; U lock totes and even mud flaps- for your fenders, or guards as we say in the UK. Well, until her (luggage) sample arrives, I’m going to upgrade the Univega’s stoppers, draft some more copy, watch a Korean film or two and scour temp land for something suitable.     

Positive Changes

Change your weather; change your luck, then I’ll teach you how to…find yourself. Well, perhaps not quite that profound but I managed to slip away to the midlands for a few days and return with a renewed sense of purpose.

Perspective and priorities realigned, copy that had felt baggy and lifeless was swept into shape Mary Poppins ‘ fashion. Piles of creativity sapping drafts, notes and calling cards ruthlessly expelled through the shredder, leaving behind a relatively clean workspace.

Timely then that another tide of tasty test goodies should lap at my shore, including these Time Alium (shaving a further 226g from the Ilpompino), a quirky yet remarkably competent Selle Royal Perch and this ultra chic weatherproof, breathable jacket from Urban 34. Their entire range is really seductive, so scooting moderate distances to work and looking instantly presentable upon arrival (save perhaps for some tell-tale helmet hair) is now a reality.

Admittedly, driven by messenger chic, street styled threads have been coming on tap a while now but these folks and Oregon based “Showers Pass” have brought it to a new level. Early impressions are extremely favourable and I’m revelling in the ability to break away from the keyboard, pop out for a ride, passing by the bank with a few cheques and making other business appointments without feeling underdressed or compromised in the saddle.

Elsewhere, Joshua returned from a quick, unaccompanied blast announcing his solo’s tyre had exploded (!) Closer inspection suggested the resplendent hiss was merely a common or garden puncture (the god of blowouts was merciful this particular morning, clearly recognising I was clean out of 20x1.75 tubes).

Persuading the non-descript knobbly from its steel hoop required the combined efforts of three tyre levers, agricultural language and superhuman thumbs. Having extracted the tube, chasing round the tyre carcass uncovered a particularly gruesome shard of glass and another sharp burrowing inward. However, rim tape was sound and the tube easily patched.

Ironically I’d just written a puncture prevention and repair piece, so emailed photos sequentially to him should it strike again. I’m not overly keen on children having potable devices per se, not least since firewall and similar security software lags ten years behind that of desktops. That said; I also recognise their benefits when used carefully. Refitting was markedly easier, although puts a not too distant future tyre upgrade and workshop quality tyre fitter on the cards.  

My first puncture struck when I was thirteen. Haring round the sweeping back doubles aboard my Holdsworthy built Butler, there was this sudden slow but audible procession of air escaping the front 25mm section Hutchinson.

A local farmer took pity on me and tried to help, reasoning it might just be a leaky Presta valve. He belted what must’ve been forty odd Psi inside courtesy of said steeds’ bargain basement frame fit AFA in the hope It’d hold the last mile or so.

It didn’t so I walked home and sought solace not from my father but Uncle Benny’s- he’d had a 531 framed Dawes road bike in his teens and was more mechanically minded. Continuing the tyre theme, I’ve managed a few brief outings with those spiked Schwalbe to ensure they don’t shed the spikes during the first wave of icy weather.

Modest weight and their more generic winter design brief translates into a friskier ride than comparable models I’ve tried thus far-although obviously remaining upright takes precedence over warp-speed hossing in these conditions. Hmm, coupled to mono-wheel trailers and I’m starting to feel another seasonal, niche’ sport coming on.

Been pleasantly surprised by this Weldtite TF2 wet lube too.

A little still goes a long way but middleweight consistency looks to offer similar protection without succumbing to stodgy shifts or pied piper gloop enticing tendencies. Wonder how we’ll fare two hundred miles down the line. On that note I’m off to craft another caffeine fuelled first draft… Assuming my home brewed kettle de-scaler’s done its job.

Little Things

Inclement weather has limited my ability to clip in and go testing , so turbo trainer aside; its been a question of completing existing reports ahead of deadline, resurrecting the book projects with continued hunting of something suitable in temp land.

January’s close is oft regarded as the worst for morale, Christmas’ and New Year sparkle tempering quickly against cobalt skies and sometimes harsh, economic realities. Tired of well meaning but ultimately empty enthusiasm, I made contact with an accomplished author and editor (who I’d approached some twenty five years previously, eager to write for his newly established magazine) to see if he’d be tempted by my project outline. 

Fenders fitted to my favourite fixer; substituting its stocky Surly long haul trucker for a 6061 Topeak Super Tourist DX seemed an obvious move since it only hosted a cotton duck rack bag, shaving several hundred grams in a stroke. Reasonable payloads aside, wanderlust is limited to commuting, weekend touring and of course, Audax duties but then things seldom give trouble when built properly and used as per design brief.

Then came the big thaw, seeing the Univega plucked from its hook and introduced to the 933g Tortec epic, fitting with consummate ease having found a full compliment of stainless (as distinct from the chrome plated hotch potch) fasteners. However, doing so necessitated forgoing its Torch fender fit blinky and plugging the holes with silicone, bathroom type sealant.

To my surprise, the epic is only 40g heavier than Tubus’ legendary Logo with an identical payload. Repeated exposure to slushy, salted roads hasn’t given any cause for alarm, although are readily ingrained along with fingerprints and light dirt into the slightly dimpled texture. Warrantee wrangles aside, the tubus is more easily repaired or adapted with pump pegs, bespoke light fittings and similar nick nacks using brass, not fusion welding. 

Arguably a no-brainer but you’d be surprised at the number of folk who I’ve seen introducing a common or garden wire feed MIG/MAG unit to proceedings only to find their lugged and brazed frameset melts like the proverbial waxwork.  Keeping the cargo theme for a minute, having also spent some of this enforced confinement exploring home built homages to the mighty mono-wheeled Bob Yak (Most notably here:
http://www.instructables.com/id/My-version-of-a-YAK-Bike-Trailer/?ALLSTEPS

http://www.instructables.com/id/Single-wheel-bicycle-trailer-with-suspension/?ALLSTEPS)

It occurs to me that trailer racing would make a superb sub genre-whether fixed or freewheel, trail or tarmac. Categories could include custom/bespoke, production or backyard special with further segregation according to budget, wheel-size, extent of modification, payload etc. Making best use of slack time and with the help of a pop rivet gun and sixty odd 4mm aluminium rivets, I’ve been devising my own snow specific tyres from part worn rubber.

Taking inspiration from Continental’s Nordic spike, I haven’t put sufficient mileage on this little Kenda to comment as to its worthiness but it’s an interesting experiment nonetheless. If successful, I might extend this to 700c and 26inch mtb formats. Some months ago, I was lamenting the lack of (relatively) narrow, commercially available options-42mm and 2.2 inches being pretty much the limit. Kenda offer a Klondike in fender friendly 35,38 and 1.75 sections.

Alas, at the time of composition, they’re not a UK import. Temptation was to order a set from across the pond were it not for a relatively weak pound since snow and Ice look set to becoming increasingly frequent patrons of our winter landscape but then these Schwalbe “Winter” arrived on my test bench.

Available in the magic 1.75 diameter, these are reckoned to require twenty-five miles on asphalt before taking to skiddy stuff and look to be a fair bit swifter than most variants I’ve used to date. February’s always a tricky month weather-wise so, we’ll see how they behave after the initial run-in.     

Elsewhere, I’ve been chatting with Rory at Upgrade bikes regarding two very innovative Kinesis builds that follow in the convertible, yet ultra capable one bike does all road path tradition and at the other extreme, some splendid DMR coffee receptacles.

Dropping by Maldon shot blasting & powder coating revealed this slightly intriguing mid 80’s touring frameset refinished in a very tasteful orange. Initial impressions suggested something 531^st from the Holdsworthy works- Claud Butler Dalesman/ Coventry Eagle but some unusually (by production standards) intricate lugwork around its semi sloping fork crown infers something older/ smaller scale…

Tarnished Repute

Yes, the inclement weather has made a return but with plenty of advanced warning and roads drenched in salt. Mercifully I’d spent the previous weeks putting kit through its paces with a view to working a balance between copy, books and the ceaseless struggle to find sensibly satisfying temp gigs in parallel…

I love blinkies, particularly those offering something different, whether it’s retina-tickling prowess, cell sipping economy or indeed both. One23’s half- watt high power unit is a very good example.

Watts are very misleading since this is a measure of power consumed rather than deliverable output but pedantry aside; we’ve been visible from around 750 metres-maybe more on a clear night. This coupled with decent weather seals (passed my saltwater submersion test with flying colours) is all the more impressive from a model giving change from £12.

On many levels, lights and similar gizmos that guzzle from portable devices are absolutely fabulous but lets’ not loose sight of the horses for courses mantra. Those fuelled by two little AA cells and returning 60-80hrs in flashing mode can be superior choices for tourists, Audax aficionados, not to mention commuters who don’t clock on at a PC.

So then, the past two hundred and fifty miles or so leads me to conclude that the Ilpompino’s front-end conversion was by far the best upgrade, bringing a supple yet more vivacious persona to what is essentially a cyclo cross frameset with track ends and 120mm track spacing.

I’ve also decided to revisit  fendersville, retaining a dry derriere’ while keeping salt, slush and other corrosive brews from making inroads into paint, anodising and bearing surfaces. These 37mm section Tortec seem an obvious choice with their heavy-duty chrome plastics, reflective sidewalls and stainless steel components. Their epic rack; also fashioned from the tarnish resistant metal and reckoned to have a mammoth 40-kilo payload will be put through its paces aboard the Univega.

Tarnish resistant…you mean to say stainless can succumb to the dreaded fur too?  In the sense that watches are water resistant (as distinct from proof) to 30, 100, 300metres etc, Inox as its sometimes known is in fact an alloy, typically containing12% chromium, nickel, molybdenum and sometimes titanium oxides, ergo it stains-less than cruder steels. Welding will prove trickier for roadside garages compared with plain gauge mild or Cro-moly should disaster strike in the wide blue yonder too, although this is considerably easier than aluminium.

I have a well-honed hatred of corrosion stemming from watching my childhood clunkers turning furry in the salt coastal air and of course my grandfathers’ almost pathological ability to find traces of this welder’s foe literally everywhere-especially from beneath parental vehicles.

Such neurosis was not welcomed, not least by my father who appeared close to boiling point on many occasions during these puritanical outbursts reminiscent of a bad horror flick where the demented priest is commanding iron oxide from spot welded sections, er sorry, I mean malevolent spirit from an innocent child/hapless housewife/tearaway teens.

Monsters, demons and folklore are all embodiments of fears- conscious latent or otherwise and Joshua’s been developing that pre pubescent fascination for sci-fi/ horror-genres that I still have a fondness for, so can converse widely with him about while maintaining effective censorship.

Cycling’s own particular boogie man of the moment is Lance Armstrong, who having groomed the world and fallen from grace is looking to reinvent his empire with some shrewdly executed bargaining and carefully choreographed remorse.

While never buying into the fairytale, professionally I’ve found his hegemonic grip upon the cycling imagination fascinating and privately believe his competitive success was motivated by  a longer term desire for political prowess. Aside from the obvious sporting scandal, these particular exposes' have the potential to oust cycling from the Olympics.

Some are citing Paul Kimmage’s notorious participant observations/revelations that doping is virtually institutionalised and rather than racing becoming cleaner, performance enhancers have simply become more sophisticated and for a time therefore, undetectable.

Life experience, coupled with that as a columnist/writer leads me to suggest this is quite likely on the one hand but it does leave the door open for those exposed in such a public way to project themselves as victims to be pitied. Are they sorry for being cheats, or ashamed at their exposure?

The notion of a single universal truth has been somewhat eclipsed by truths, which have varying degrees of accuracy-accounts will differ depending on the narrator. An institutionalised culture of doping may well play a lead role. However, to suggest everyone is actively (or passively) engaged in such behaviours is somewhat simplistic and therefore inaccurate.

Public perception of professional cycling is undeniably tainted, which is not the case for other sports such as boxing or soccer. In a wider context, pro-military propaganda paints all service people as heroes/ victims, whereas in reality some will also indulge in rape, torture, extortion and similar gross inhumanities because they can. Others who have served in Bosnia/similar conflicts remark how the army taught them how to kill but not to deal with the emotional consequences. By the same token, many, many leave the services perfectly well adjusted with nothing more sinister than tall-tales and fond memories.

My point being, whatever the setting, conformity is expected within certain parameters but simplistic knee jerk reductionism neither explains, nor addresses extremely complex matters. Perhaps these revelations are so emotive because they challenge our own framework of absolutes….

Carbon, D cups & Similar Fetishes

A wonderful Christmas spent with friends and family was rudely interrupted by Beelzebub; a particularly spiteful cold virus that killed my appetite, induced fever, headache and the sort of hacking cough/mucus production that would impress chain smoking shipyard weldors.  

Stoicism is one of the few stereotypically British traits in my possession, hence I ploughed ahead with January’s workload while finding time to strip and re-grease the Ilpompino’s FSA Orbit Aheadset. These are nice examples of the cheap but cheerful breed boasting simple, yet effective O ring seal and caged ball bearings, explaining their popularity as OEM equipe’ on mid range mountain bikes of similar vintage.

Quiet contemplation often invites wholesale upgrades between holiday season and January’s pedestrian unveiling, so chances are, it comes as little surprise to learn that I've been obsessively measuring steerer tubes and cutting these ITM Visa down to size. Well and truly gripped by cold and carbon demons, I wanted to avoid headset replacement having established said components were in remarkably rude health.

Generous bastings of this lithium derived Motorex grease greatly improved souplesse so we needed a compatible crown race and bearings, allowing effortless swaps between composite and Cro-moly should need arise. White brews have received very bad press in recent years resultant from their links with galvanic corrosion (chemical reaction leading metals of different parentage to seize solid.

Fluted alloy posts and steel framesets being notorious examples of this process). However, these are static, bearings are perpetually turning. Surfing unearthed Dia Compe’s suggestively monikered D cup. Essentially it’s a CNC machined lower ensemble with simple caged ball bearings, supposedly interchangeable with a wealth of other marques…

Vital statistics were dead ringers for the elderly FSA’s so I wasted no time in ordering one. Next day delivery saw a friendly local mechanic install crown race and star fangled nut, although an interference free, buttery smooth fairytale ending necessitated pruning the Visa’s alloy steerer by eight millimetres. Non-existent weather seals are easily overcome with some decent marine grease and scrap inner tube engineering.

Cut a two-inch strip of redundant butyl and draw this past the bottom cup. Lubricate bearing/surfaces generously before re-coupling the front end and adjusting textbook stylee. Ensure makeshift seal is carefully positioned so as to prevent road/trail spray being funnelled inside and so long as jet washing is avoided things should remain happy for considerably longer. 

Next in line were Joshua’s slightly arthritic steerer bearings, which hadn’t seen a mechanic since Noah was hastily constructing his ark. An hour, lashings of lube, some agricultural utterances and a brand spanking new Jagwire cableset later, everything looks and behaves in great proportion.

New Year stocktaking saw patch kits and CO2 cartridges replenished, crammed inside a 750ml tool tub along with pocket workshop and resin tyre levers. Essentially trade bottles with broader mouths and screw top lids, these also make superb battery caddies for home brewed high power lighting systems but I’d recommend lining with thin pile foam in both contexts to prevent irksome jingling over inclement surfaces.

Right then, another batch of lovely blinkies has arrived on my doorstep, so I’m off to put them through their paces and some serious miles on the newly reconfigured fixer. Here’s to a productive and puncture free 2013.   

The Blow Out Before Christmas

Having replenished my supply of spare tubes and indulging the Ilpompino in a fresh set of Freedom ryder tyres, it was highly ironic that my little ford KA should succumb to the pothole boom, blowing the tyre and leaving its steel rim with a gruesome flat spot. Mercifully, Uncle Benny sent the cavalry and a local garage resurrected both in exchange for £20, which came as something of a relief.

Just the previous night, I’d narrowly averted disaster aboard said fixer while haring through those unlit lanes and debating the importance of rim brakes. Someone pumping floodwater from their land left a corpulent, inflexible blue pipe straddling the highway-suffice to say I’m eternally grateful to my 600 lumen lighting ensemble and those re-badged, wide arm Tektro cantilevers, stopping us literally eight inches from disaster!

Right, well having met my targets deadlines-wise I’ll head to the midlands and wish you all a happy Christmas.