Gout Begins At Forty....

  

Not something commonly associated with seventy odd kilo tea total vegetarians perhaps but I appear to have been bequeathed this excruciatingly painful affliction by my late father. Once thought to be the consequence of a lavish/indulgent lifestyle, received wisdom suggests gout arises from over production of uric acid, leading to joint inflammation.

In this instance we’re talking Podagra-a variant specifically affecting the big toe, which induces sporadic yelps and agricultural utterances when donning snug fitting road/Audax slippers. Anti-inflammatory drugs appear the medical profession’s default option, though research suggests that antioxidants, concentrated vitamin C and upping good (as distinct from junk) fluid intake play a central role in exorcising said demon. Frankly, the mere thought of pharmaceutical cocktails induces palpable resentment, so I’ll seek guidance from sympathetic practitioners and explore naturally occurring alternatives.

Thankfully since riding elevates my mood, I’ve been chasing through the lanes, battling some seriously stormy conditions, hoping improved toxin flushing blood flow will reciprocate. Other casualties included the chain pin function of this long serving Specialized EMT, finally succumbing to fatigue after five years and countless road, trail and indeed, workshop service. No danger of retirement mind, since everything else remains absolutely A1-testament to tooling quality.

On a happier note, spent several fun days in the midlands, which included seeing Jamie Cullen and support perform live at Birmingham Symphony Hall. Lee Cooper has extracted the Holdsworth’s fractured shell and is in the process of cleaning the tubes before introducing its replacement. Temptation to add braze-on bottle bosses creeps in every so often but rebuffed on the grounds of structural integrity-even the most skilfully applied heat causes some very minor weakness, which is unnecessary given sturdy, paint friendly adaptors are plentiful these days. Nonetheless, this has prompted me to rethink livery-there’s no doubting RAL5012 is an extremely alluring colour, only something like RAL 5014 or 5024 signifies a fresh start/new chapter without “specialist” cost implication.

Speaking of which, my titanium fetish continues to blossom courtesy of this Swift-esque “Aire” saddle from Harrogate based SPA cycles.  http://www.spacycles.co.uk/products.php?plid=m2b0s204p2863. Saving 171g on its ferrous sibling adds £35 to the ticket price, though even with regular feeding I’m banking on six hundred miles before my derriere’s completely smitten. While harvesting used Alpha compatible Minolta lenses, studio backdrops and Christmas presents online, an editorial cheque fluttering through my letterbox induced spontaneous investment in a 400mm ti post, which will play a lead role in the Ilpompino’s friskier makeover.    

Magic Midlands: Holdsworth in Safe Hands

Serendipity struck in the guise of an email from Lee Cooper, inviting yours truly and Holdsworth to his midlands based workshop for a chat. Fast-forward forty-eight hours, we were whizzing 120 odd miles along the M1 and to Ryton on Dunsmore just south of Coventry, a  once thriving city that has struggled with deindustrialisation and central government indifference for several decades.

Clearly a product of his environment, Lee is immediately likeable, extruding earthy eloquence and wry wit typical of those who served traditional craft apprenticeships. His career began on a work experience scheme with Triumph motorcycles, which by that stage limped along as a cooperative until its final swansong in 1983.

A passion for grass track motorcycling saw him assembling/repairing machines for Coventry competition motorcycles before graduating to the blast cabinet and later bicycle frames at a local builders in 1984. Quickly gaining enviable repute as a freelance trouble shooter meant he was in great demand, addressing quality control issues seemingly endemic amongst small marques during the late 1980s/early 90s. He then formed LA cycles before branching out on his own some eight years ago.

Surveying the fracture and ruling out other structural woes, he conjures an almost identical shell from thin air and explores surgery in greater detail. Peering inside, tubes form an almost interference fit, necessitating greater precision but nothing fiendishly problematic. Refinishing will be outsourced to Maldon Shot blasting & Powder Coating since, while a competent enameller, Lee prefers to focus on fabrication. Business concluded; he introduced some fascinating prototypes, including this fillet-brazed frameset designed around Shimano’s Alfine hub system.

Tucked beside his newly acquired lathe sat a series of freshly modified/repaired forks, rows of neatly organised tubing, oxyacetylene cylinders and arc activated dark shield, sparking reciprocal tales from manufacturing’s sharp end. Mindful of outstaying one’s welcome, I bid him fond adjure’ before scooting along to a neighbouring pub and a fruitful chat with its Landlady regarding former Peugeot employees for another book project.

Down south, there’s been continued pre winter fettling of one’s fleet. Tracing the Univega’s mushy rear brake to a missing cable hanger instigated a military style search through polycarbonate storage boxes. Forty-five minutes methodical foraging unearthed this fetching stainless steel Salsa unit, which literally transformed modulation/feel. Said tour de spares drawer also uncovered a 12-25 9 speed, nickel plated Sun Race cassette, prompting this heavy duty nine speed Gusset DHS9 chain reckoned to be 20% stronger than standard fare.

Nudging 357g, it’ll induce palpitations amongst some but is theoretically bombproof courtesy of extensive heat treatment and oversized upper plates. However, tool-free magic links can prove unexpectedly vulnerable so I’ll be keeping a close eye on things over the coming weeks. Revisions to the Ilpompino’s spec include Axiom ti and Inox cages, 1000 lumen One23 lamp since darkness falls with alarming haste.

Carbon has long been the dominant composite but I’m increasingly enticed by the idea of abandoning said steeds’ Topeak rack/Caradice bag for something sleeker and post mounted. Some folks might relish the prospect of A&E nurses picking shards from their buttocks but I’m gravitating towards Chinese titanium offerings floating around cyberspace at mid-range 6061 prices.

Staying with the global powerhouse, fondness for pattern blinkies requires little introduction, so imagine my delight having taken delivery of these CE compliant GLO units from Peter Marchant  (http://www.bicyclelightshop.com/).

USB charging seems almost mandatory these days, though button type CR2032 and AA/A cells have serious advantages when it comes to touring, Audax and reliability riding where plugging into ports isn’t an option. Initial impressions are favourable.

Construction and weather sealing, though elementary is adequate, contacts benefitting from a lick of silicone grease but seemingly non plussed by prolonged cloudburst. Output is crisp as distinct from retina tickling, grabbing attention from 150 metres but superb dynamo companions, or indeed stocking fillers. 

Perpetual Evolution

An industrious week culminated with the submission of “Belgian Mix” and timely arrival of some Cyclo tools including this tube cutter, which as its name implies is for precision slicing of raw frame materials, fork steerers/handlebars et al. Sure, a bench vice, decent lighting, hacksaw and steady hand reaps commendable results but mistakes can prove irreparable, not to mention costly. Similarly, downtubes cannibalised from gas pipe frames make surprisingly accurate crown race setters but improvisation has its limits-purpose made, CNC machined examples repay their investment very quickly if you've a big fleet, or were elected club mechanic. 

Left to my own devices and with seamless supply of piping hot, diesel strength coffee, the urge to commence front-end transplant surgery became irrepressible.Fervent re/measuring of stack heights/ steerer lengths saw work stand, “school chair” forks, hacksaw and cutting guide repatriated to the comfort of one's kitchen. Five minutes hence said beefy Cro-moly pipe had been trimmed to perfection, ready for bearing components. However, bitter experience warns against performing more complex procedures at 12.30am, so I retired to bed-though not before removing all trace of such clandestine debauchery.

Returning to said duties twelve hours later, disassembly/inspection of the tubby tourer’s steerer bearings confirmed their exhaustion.  Devoid of suitable successor, I dropped an email to Alan at Riverside Cycle Centre, who was only too happy to address the finer points of Ahead replacement first thing on Monday morning for the princely sum of £21.50. Wanting to minimise labour costs, cups were deftly dispatched using this badly ravaged 300mm, 27.0 diameter Kalloy post and engineer's mallet.

Now, we’re talking common or garden cheap n' cheerful like-for-like Dia Compe turning on simple caged balls with rudimentary O-rings keeping Mother Nature at bay. Then again, these seem very reliable so long as servicing and full length mudguards (fenders) aren't overlooked. Speaking of which, relocating said chrome plastic presented a few challenges given those beefy legs are sans eyelets and standard P clips won't straddle their girth. Wandering round the web in search of commercially available solutions drew a blank but one or two folks had overcome said obstacle, employing Jubilee clips with old inner tube serving as protective, paint friendly interfaces.       


Extensive rummaging in my graveyard of redundant mounts unearthed two oversized cat-eye computer sensor brackets. Comparably stout cable ties tethered everything together-not ideal perhaps but ensures sufficient clearance to prevent nasty stuff getting jammed between tyre and guard section, while allowing spiked snow tyres to ship straight aboard .   

Fettling/repair/replacement are all central to riding, though there’s a strong economic argument for outsourcing more complicated work when time is short, or indeed better expended on other things. Good shops are pivotal in this equation, so cultivate a positive rapport, not forgetting a periodic packet of biscuits/ jar of instant coffee/ their way. 

Hold On, What About The Holdsworth?

Didn’t feel inspired to assume keyboard duties first thing, so resurrected “Ninja Blue” from hyper sleep, popped it aboard the work stand and commenced disassembly, ready for bottom bracket shell replacement surgery. Contrary to popular folklore, only brazed/silver soldered framesets are realistic candidates for this sort of invasive repair.

An ocean of home brewed frame preserve sloshing round the tubes certainly rendered internal corrosion academic, ensuring threaded components released easily too, though given their high torque settings, crank bolts benefitted from a squirt of heavy duty penetrant.

Bottom bracket extracted, I doused the slightly grimy chassis in a blizzard of Brite Ride’s super sudsy foaming bike wash and let its ionic surfactants get busy while harvesting bucket, fresh water and super tactile Muc-off brush. The latter inducing spontaneous, yet not universally welcome rendition of Prince Buster’s “Wine and Grine”-afterall, have brush you avoid rush. Strongly suspect he wasn’t referring to post winter cross race clean ups mind…    

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcI3m_tbnyc

Joshua’s reproving looks weren’t adding anything beneficial to proceedings, so he was sent in search of SLR, prime lens and these Seal Skinz waterproof kid’s gloves… Several minutes later, he emerged from the office brandishing said goodies, by which time the Holdsworth’s 5012 powder coat livery positively gleamed, offering an unhampered view of the hairline fracture.

Temptation has been to fill with brass, smooth flat and repaint-somebody quoted £40 for the structural stuff but Murphy’s Law dictates said damage will simply recur a few weeks hence, rendering such efforts futile. Ergo, Midlands based Lee Cooper http://leecoopercycles.webs.com/ seems our best bet once cash flow resumes a more favourable state.

Some would suggest taking this opportunity to introduce bottle bosses and similar modernisations, afterall, said build is hardly original. However, there’s little need given the availability of high quality pressure fit composite cages. Cosmetics will remain unchanged, though it may be enamel rather than powder this time round-depending on whether Lee is comfortable with paint being outsourced to Maldon Shot blasting & Powder Coating…

With all that water sloshing about, its inner sanctum was flushed through with liberal blasts of maintenance spray. Gently rotating the frame before leaving it upturned for twenty minutes largely eliminates risk  of moisture lodging ruinously inside.

Several season’s continuous use of Seal Skinz products affirms they’re genuinely waterproof-right to the cuff lines. Nonetheless, thorough evaluation of any performance claims is essential. Joshua willingly immersed his hands for ten consecutive minutes, confirming bone dry digits, although felt slightly disconcerted by the sensation of water lapping against the inner membrane. Textured palms offer reassuringly good purchase too, so scoots to school shouldn’t be too uncomfortable as the nights draw in and temperatures plummet.…

     

Falling Leaves

Been a productive but tough couple of weeks, “Belgian Mix” has been satisfactorily reworked, so I’ve turned my attentions to some children’s fiction since I’m on a mission to explore additional horizons and opportunity presents. Autumn is showing visible signs of its imminent arrival and with it, renewal of the workshop roof in favour of something more substantial before renewal becomes urgent.

Other creative opportunities have presented themselves and are being pursued with renewed tenacity coupled with a sense of tentative optimism. Not exclusive to the “creative” industries but seemingly endemic is the expectation that people will supply goods and services for nothing- I’ve had several encounters of this nature recently, treating them with the contempt they deserve. I have often accepted payment in kind, or on a barter basis but refuse to indulge in the sweat shop mentality-doing so, encourages a downward spiral, rather akin to buying stolen goods and wondering why one’s home/business becomes a target for theft. Remunerate fairly and skilled people will reciprocate. 

Commissioning solely on price has major repercussions-many an “Uncle Bob” with “professional looking equipment” has shot their niece’s wedding with disastrously second-rate results, copious tears and family rifts. Sure you can get a gas combi boiler refit for £500 but don’t expect to find recompense when carbon monoxide or major explosion rips through your lives-said contractor will have saddled their horse, ridden off into the sunset without so much as a tax code, let alone public liability cover and Corgi accreditation. Never mind, household insurers are bound to be sympathetic…

For the time being I have shelved the idea of qualifying as a masseuse, since singular, professionally recognised qualifications seem rare as the proverbial rocking horse dropping and I don’t want to pursue a three year beauty therapy route, only for my extended skillset to be mooted by gender. However, opportunities can materialise unexpectedly so I’ll continue along other paths for now.

Toyed with re configuring the Univega’s front end to include an Alpina dynohub with disc mounts but the practical advantages are outweighed by unnecessary retirement of perfectly good components, while serving to increase its theft appeal. Nonetheless, I’ve invested in another Dcup lower race and Weldtite have sent me their steerer cutter, so front end surgery is definitely on the cards. Thirty thousand miles and countless shifts later it’s eight speed LX rear mech has been pensioned off in favour of this remarkably competent Microshift M45, an 8/9spd unit broadly on terms with the Japanese giant’s Alivio but a wee bit cheaper.

Ours was the long cage model for seriously wide ratios (11-34 teeth anyone) though, there’s a shorter cage sibling, which will save scarce few grams but might canter across the block fractionally faster. No surprise to see its now sporting the LX crankset, which is better finished not to mention (258g) lighter than its Alivio predecessor’s drive side alone, largely attributable to aluminium alloy rings. 

So then, we now have an eclectic ensemble of eight/nine speed mech, commanded by 8/9speed brifters, 9speed crankset, eight speed chain, cassette and fifteen year old STX front mech.  Everything was pretty much plug n’ play, save for the latter but even this this complied when fed a fresh cable and tweaked judiciously. Quintessentially crude, models of similar calibre appear pretty tolerant of mixing n’ matching and serves to scotch popular lore suggesting such configurations will never work to genuinely acceptable standards.

We’ll see how far it lags behind in another fifteen hundred miles or so, by which point I shall put the existing Sun Race and KMC consumables out to pasture, marking 108,000 miles on the tubby tourer and its continued evolution into nine speed-by default, rather than design. Well, that brings this entry to a natural conclusion-time I drafted a few pitches and copied my late father’s Open University series from VHS cassette to DVD.    

Planet Bong

Arguably the place where our political elite inhabit much of their waking hours while the greater majority of us employ a pragmatic make do n’ mend philosophy, it’s also a fascinating shop in Leamington Spa. The “usual projects” now includes redrafting of short fiction since I can’t stand essentially robust copy languishing in the hard drive. In this instance the resurrection of “Belgian Mix” http://www.63xc.com/michaels/belgianmix.htm, ring fencing a couple of hours daily with a view to satisfactory completion come September’s swansong. Mastering time management- working efficiently by another name is one of the most rewarding and essential freelancer skills. Close of last week, words and paragraphs had begun merging into a homogeneous, almost unintelligible mass, so I left a few, otherwise decent drafts marinating and headed up country to spend some time behind the lens.

Returning recharged, these and other pieces were drummed into shape and despatched to their intended recipients. Crafting pitches can prove similarly exhausting and responses, affirmative or otherwise can be several weeks hence. Glancing over at my test bench, there’s been a tsunami of enticing goodies including this beautifully crafted titanium from Torus Cycles (Justin Burls & Andy Jones).

Ours was the 27.2, 400m version, though its inline version caters for time trialists and others preferring to be poised directly over the bottom bracket shell. 264g is perhaps heavy by carbon standards but machining is exquisite and the wonder material oozes an unmistakable zing across inclement surfaces without feeling remotely whippy. Similarly £125 is hardly small change but there’s no call for planned retirement since 3AL 2.5v is particularly immune to fatigue (excluding incidence of phenomenal abuse).

Do remember those cursory licks of ti prep where it enters the seat tube, not forgetting cradle hardware. Thundering along the lanes under its spell, my serenity was rudely interrupted by a phantom squeak-something I wrongly attributed to the aluminium bolts until discovering my fixer’s crank bolt had mysteriously worked loose. Snugged tight using a leggy T handled 8mm Allen key, said fiend piped up again five miles hence. Introducing the torque wrench and a few extra nm resolved the issue.

Our climate has turned disarmingly autumnal these past few days, coinciding with the receipt of these similarly space age corrosion- inhibiting Protecht brews. The ultimate formula is an extremely powerful one that cures to a dry, clear and seemingly dirt phobic state. Supposedly acid and salt resistant, said qualities are ideally suited for mothballing decorative electroplate, anodised and polished surfaces either in storage or pretty ferrous winter bikes dripping in the stuff. BG innovations (the marque’s UK importer) are suitably tight lipped when broached about composition but suggest its ultra invasive and withstands operating temperatures of +50 degrees. Logical then that I’ve deployed ours within thin walled steel framesets, trailers, tagalongs and of course, the Ka’s notoriously grot prone regions. Initial impressions are extremely favourable, surprisingly economical too but a harsh winter will be more revealing.

Far from a watered down version, the advanced sibling is slightly waxy and arguably more versatile preserve that remains functional at 650 degrees-unsurprising perhaps given both were initially conceived for automotive audiences. Another excellent internal rust inhibitor, commendable on external plated surfaces so long as you weren’t mortified by the steady cultivation of a thin, grimy layer. Unlike Vaseline, electrical connectivity is accentuated without risking subsequent galvanic corrosion, thus ideal for dynamo connectors, computer/blinky battery terminals and similar gizmos directly in scuzzy water’s firing line. Suffice to say that VDO X1DW cadence sensor hasn’t missed a beat even fully submerged for three consecutive miles.

Maldon Shot blasting and powder coating were keen to show me their new range of powder finishes freshly imported from the states-beautiful but with some bizarre, almost mirth inducing monikers. This SE jump frame being a case in point. I’d call it lime green but Trevor tells me its actually “Shocking Yellow” applied atop a chrome effect base coat. Cost implications are around the £110 mark depending on host material and what nasties’ blasting uncovers. Remember those sound but slightly scabby “school chair” forks I’d earmarked for the Univega’s front end? Well, Trevor generously refinished them in a rich gloss black free of charge-a lovely gesture and very welcome just now.

Another Fait Accompli

Well frankly it was, credit card materializing within my fevered fingers as if driven by occult forces. £29.99 lighter and several minutes later, said square taper LX crankset was winging its way here. 

Presently cocooned within bubble wrap, I’m denying child like urges to undertake transplant surgery since the Alivio remains in extremely rude health. Once the existing chain, cassette and late middle-aged LX mech sing their swansongs, I’ll give said tubby workhorse’s Microshift brifters responsibility for an extra sprocket and take advantage of readily available mid range consumables. Besides, time management will be a familiar concept to most freelancers. The ability to escape for a ride, introduce new equipment etc on my own terms is deeply liberating but with such reward comes great responsibility/discipline.

Submitting successive, decent features/book proposals is exhausting, it can take several weeks for their recipients’ response, especially during what’s dubbed “The silly season”. In press parlance this has traditionally referred to freelancers stepping in to fill the boots of more established anchor folk while the world and their offspring are reading trashy airport novels on a beautiful beach somewhere or just mingling at late summer barbecues. For some it’s an ideal opportunity to demonstrate their true potential, though easily leads some people punching above their weight.

I regularly listen to Women’s Hour while slaving over a hoit keyboard, primarily because I find the differing perspectives on a wealth of subjects are delivered with considerable insight and ownership by Jenni Murray/Jan Garvey.Alas, I found myself increasingly irritated by Kirstie Allsopp’s feature exploring women's childbirth choices. Clearly very passionate  she couldn't execute with sufficient authority and the piece felt closer to the standards I'd expect from an A level media studies student than seasoned broadcast journalist. 

More convincing than the recent litigation brought forward by supposedly disillusioned readers of Lance Armstrong’s inspirational works though. I read the first while holidaying in Rome but never really bought into the franchise or fairytale. Suing Armstrong on the grounds of fraudulent misrepresentation strikes me as little more than a deeply cynical means of financial gain and marginally less irksome than a decidedly aggressive young man who ploughed into my  Endura engined Ford Ka back in 2006.

He (successfully I might add) sued me for “hurt feelings”. Against this and a backdrop of increasingly fractious road encounters, I lost no time in renewing my third party cycling cover. Pragmatically, I have little qualm about this since it reinforces the message that bicycles/tandems/recumbents are vehicles with equal rights/responsibilities when navigating the public highway.

Parallels with Armstrong’s case might be somewhat tentative, though illustrate how eager people are, especially in less favourable fiscal circumstance to seek easy financial remuneration.  Negotiating some deeply deprived neighbourhoods on a daily basis for many years left little doubt that people would wantonly stray into my path, seeking damages, spurred on by the relentless barrage of television advertisements.

Collision with a car could also result in the owner/driver seeking financial redress for repairs. Simple and relatively inexpensive cover is often available through clubs/organisations, typically with some sort of legal support. Obviously, this wouldn’t stem the claims culture outlined above but it might go someway to muting disturbingly mainstream assertions that people choosing to use human powered vehicles are reckless reprobates needing institutional help. Sadly, we have it seems, also reverted to an insidious “Asking for it” misogynist mindset-even amongst young women, some of whom would readily identify themselves as feminist. ...

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