Toupes, Tweaks & Tug Jobs

Further plotlines and characters for my series of children’s stories devised and deadlines herded into their respective pens, Border collie fashion, I settled to slathering some fresh Muc-off Carbo-grip to the Holdsworth's Tifosi branded composite post. 

While about it, the Specialized toupe' was reinstated on grounds of grams and the coarse grain leather saddlebag substituted for this Zefal. Aside from superior capacity and zero sway,it includes retro-reflective detailing and LED tab. I had hoped this Cycliq fly 6 HD camera  and LED combo would cadge a lift but its specifically designed for post mounting. No bad thing, since the latter provides superior tenure and blur-free recording.

Polishing and preening complete, attention turned to its track nuts, which needed nipping tight. Obviously, I don't generate    the herculean output of a 90 kilo sprinter. That said; proves transmission braking and hard core honking call  for regular inspection.

Contrary to popular misconception, fixed chains wear faster than their derailleur counterparts. Sure; they’re no skipping up and down a cassette but those forces, coupled with grotty winters (and in my case, occasional trailer tugging duties) lead to hard and relatively short lives.

I’ve managed 3,000miles from this Z1X inox which is roughly twice that of a typical nickel plated speed derailleur chain subjected to similar conditions. Now well into late middle age, I’m probably looking at a further 700miles before it becomes bin fodder. Chances are, we’ll receive another beefy model for review by then; otherwise, I’ll go for another X1.  (Full report on Seven Day Cyclist www.sevendaycyclist.com).

On the subject of trailers, leaving the house without a camera is unthinkable-there’s always something interesting to capture. I overtook this rider on a bypass road while driving the KA and pulled into a layby several hundred metres away to get some shots of his Specialized and Burly combo.

Bikes are incredibly versatile and can haul surprising loads safely, at sensible speeds and for long distances.

Admittedly; the safe bit is clearly open to interpretation, depending on where you are in the world and I’m not sure, even with gearing lower than a snake’s testicles, that I’d attempt hauling Peter Eland’s payload www.eland.org.uk/

Nonetheless, a week’s family shop is easily brought home in a typical mid-range unit. In keeping with panniers, a low slung hitch and sensible weight distribution  are musts but so long as 35kilos isn’t exceeded, I can haul more in my Bob Yak homage than the KA and other micro-minis.  

Single wheel designs, such as the Yak and its followers track behind the bike and enjoy a low centre of gravity, which makes them a more obvious choice off road. 

Sneaking through tighter gaps and side alleys is also easier than their two wheeled counterparts. On the flip side, two wheelers tend to cope better with potholes and make stop-start parking more convenient. Hitches are similarly crucial, look for something low slung that bolts neatly to the rear dropout.

Chariot trailers used to employ a clever ball-joint coupling that was secure, yet counter intuitive to use. Avoid post mounted types crude, or otherwise since they’re agricultural and cursed with a high centre of gravity, which have a detrimental effect upon handling. Substantial twisting forces generated by the beam “wag” the rider, which is tiring to counteract and overcome, even over moderate distances.                  

Elsewhere, Green oil's workshop sized, gun-friendly 200ml tube has just arrived. This makes for very precise, mess and waste-free delivery ; especially to quick release skewers, small fasteners, bearings etc. Other than an initial squeeze, contents flow much faster than the original dropper-bottle, which often needs standing in hot water for a minute or so, particularly in cooler weather.                              

Initial reactions are favourable and it seems much stockier than the original recipe, which though good, degraded faster than PTFE or lithium pastes. Unlike these, it’s reckoned safe on rubberised components such as seals and suspension bushings. We’ll see…Off to watch some old frames restored now. 

 

Hooking up with the Holdsworth & Other Steel Frames

Spring has sprung and the Holdsworth emerged from seasonal hibernation. Much as I suspected, adding two 2mm spacers beneath the stem sorted the minute but very annoying play in the beautifully sealed, Woodman Saturn Aheadset.

Staying with the front end, gone are those BBB aero bars for a less cluttered cockpit; saving a few grams while freeing up space for high power lights and other gizmos.

The bargain bin pink/black fade bike ribbon bought originally for £2 in a clearance sale has also been substituted for some Genetic Silicone (off-cuts from my Univega’s moustache bars). Though delightfully easy to clean, the bike ribbon’s glossy texture is also seriously slippery and damping doesn’t compare with mid-range modern tapes either.

Discovered said fixer’s colour-coordinated Knog Nerd computer display blank and unresponsive- nothing more serious than dead CR2032 and LR44 cells; thankfully they hadn’t leaked. This also presented an opportune moment to pop its silicone blankets in with some training kit for a decent low temperature spruce up. 

Lick of Vaseline, new cells, recalibration and back on the bars!

This particular Nerd is a simple, five-mode unit-easy to read and arguably all that’s needed for a general riding, though won’t win bragging rights down the clubhouse, or deliver in-depth scrutiny of riding performance demanded by elite racers. Backlight would’ve come in handy too.

Nonetheless, that huge, touch screen display is extremely clear, allowing me to focus upon maintaining decent cadence and average speed. Accuracy, even when riding close to strong electro-magnetic fields has been consistently good too. Not everyone’s cuppa but works for me.  

I also came across some these grey, magnesium bodied BBB Keo pattern while undertaking a much-needed bin/sell/keep inventory. Lightweight, low profile and slightly unusual...Temptation to reinstate was strong but the Wellgo are lower profile, recessed cleats permit dignified, safe walking and more importantly, don’t chew holes in very expensive lino...

Talking of which, the old 96 Shimano patterns were looking decidedly dog-earned, so I pensioned them off before sometimeish or dodgy dis/engagement struck with embarrassing consequences. Besides, shoe cleat hardware is an excellent test of a lubricant’s anti-seize properties and I’d just received Green Oil’s revised formula Eco grease.

Like many projects, the baby blue fixer was conceived as a simple, fun classic. I’ve always loved the road path concept-bikes that were practical for daily service, yet equally capable on the track.

Arguably borne from necessity; (the average post war club rider could only afford one machine) this genre and indeed, cycling’s mass appeal was extinguished by the abolition of petrol rationing in 1957.  

Gifted by a friend and respected bike journalist, the frameset had been languishing unloved in a garage, hidden behind old Land Rover parts. To complicate matters, it seemed the garage was owned by a friend’s ex-wife, who wasn’t particularly willing to co-operate with its release; prompting all manner of sneaky retrieval plans.

The initial brief was new paint, 700x28c tyres, full length mudguards and a hotchpotch of carefully selected parts to make it stop, go and handle in good proportion...However, new bottom bracket shell, minor dent filling, and other remedial works hence, it will remain my sunny days plaything.

Love of old steel framesets established; you can imagine my excitement upon spotting this tatty Fuquay. Judging by the distressed enamel, someone had either left in languishing in a highly corrosive environment, or had been attempting a DIY paint strip using DOT or similarly corrosive fluid.

Look closely at the seat stay, which sports some serious battle scarring. Structurally sound, the obvious solution is to fill the affected area with brass, then sand flat prior to blasting. Metafil; an aluminium based filler is another option and worked wonders on my Holdsworth’s corrosion induced acne. 

However, in this instance, the dents are too deep and would show in the new paintwork. This also illustrates the importance of giving your paint-shop a ring once your frame’s been through the blast phase...

        

Friday night, Saturday Morning

“Hope the chip shop isn’t closed, ‘Cos their pies are really nice. I’ll eat it in the taxi queue; standing in someone else’s spew. Wish I had lipstick on my shirt, instead of piss-stains on my shoes. I go out on Friday night and I come home on Saturday morning”…Terry Hall (The Specials)

Looking for gigs down seedy back alleys, has life become that desperate? Well, perhaps not, although joining the Hare Krishna movement as they sashayed joyfully through the lower shopping precinct proved intensely compelling- for all of thirty seconds.

Mirth aside, the sense of urgency is becoming increasingly apparent. Lateral, pragmatic thought and a cool, rational head, coupled with steely determination and self-belief are imperative. The Reliant (?) based trike has not rematerialized, so I’ve been unable to glean anymore spec, or owner-wise.

While not a subscriber to the suggestion that machines are extensions of personality, I’m always fascinated by the human interest stories behind the spec-sheet. Nonetheless and along these lines, it also inspired another photographic project, which is presently being broadcast on Stenning photographic’s Facebook page.

On the test bench, mucky lanes and grotty spring weather have revealed some minor, though not unexpected weaknesses in those BBB slimguard fenders. Subjectively, good quality fittings and materials have ensured good, silent tenure to the Teenage dream and they do look pretty sharp. However, overall performance is good, rather than ground-breaking.

30mm tyres are pretty optimistic by my reckoning, since 25mm will still result in some residual spray decorating the stay and top section (though I’ve never succumbed to a soggy backside). Even allowing that 5mm gap, accumulated mulch lodged between rear tyre and mudguard. This was predictable given fag paper clearances and hasn’t caused more serious binding to date.    

Rear triangle and bottom bracket still get a liberal spattering, ditto feet, so pack overshoes and/or waterproof socks are imperative on longer/really wet rides. Cannibalising an old set of clip-on race blades for their mud-flaps has certainly improved matters without tainting the aesthetic.

In stock guise, riding companions don’t get a face-full, so you won’t get dirty looks, or the silent treatment-for this at least. Aside from going the bespoke route, an option if you sought the last word in customisation, these are probably the closest I’ll come to proper-full length guards on this build, without spending a bundle, so am relatively accepting of compromise.

Besides, it’s presented an ideal opportunity to assess another batch of bike washes, polishes and anti/lubes…Traditional all-purpose lubricants have tended to be based around vegetable oils, which in the long-term causes hinges and sprung mechanisms to gum up uselessly requiring healthy blasts of water displacer.

So far, Green Oil’s latest challenger seems pretty good. It’s relatively thin and broadly comparable with three-seasons ISO/PTFE chain preps. I’ve drizzled some into the Teenage Dream’s elderly 6 speed Regina freewheel mechanism, locks and arthritic door hinges to good effect. Simon Nash is so confident of its safety; he’s been guzzling some here. https://www.facebook.com/BicycleOil

.

Other brands have produced similar demos with theirs. Personally, I avoid ingesting chemicals wherever possible but we get the idea!  Seven Day Cyclist (www.sevendaycyclist.com) has just received their new eco grease, which has not only been refined for this season but soon to grease gun compatible, which makes it that bit easier and cleaner when applying to bearing races, fasteners and other threaded components.

Talking with Justin Burls, suggested that any high quality grease should be fine when mating titanium surfaces together, ditto steel and titanium. My preference has always erred in favour of high spec petrochemical ceramic products on anything space-age, so it will be interesting to see how this bio formula holds up on contact points, cleat bolts and similar quick-seize fasteners.

Fending off Storm Katie

The Teenage Dream has to be one of the trickiest configurations where fitting full-length mudguards is concerned (fenders, should you prefer) hence my delight when an editor sent me a pair of BBB BFD22 Slim guards. The Dutch brand asserts these will accommodate pretty much any road biased frameset-within reason and with the sensible caveat, that some minor adaptation/compromise may be required. 

Their video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fIB3-cyvvM) makes fitting look incredibly straightforward but my quaint n’ contrary road build from 1991 still had some surprises in store. Ultimately, achieving sufficient clearance meant filing the rear mounting bracket and substituting the 25mm B’Twin X light for a Lifeline’s virtually slick, prime armour road tyre.

I could’ve forgone the rear’s lower section (arguably the only option for bikes with curved seat tubes) but doing so was an aesthetic no-no. Besides, the whole idea is to prevent the seat tube and to a greater extent, front mech and bottom bracket shell getting blasted with dodgy, gritty water!  

Having also discovered said bike’s front hoop was suffering from a minor wibble and flat spot (an occupational hazard given the local infrastructure’s poor condition just now). Alan at Riverside cycle centre kindly popped it on his jig and tamed any samba dancing tendencies within a matter of minutes-for a measly fiver!

Fag paper clearances foxed; aside from some minor tweaking (including some glue to achieve more secure bond between stays and sections) the joys of a dry derriere and relatively clean bike have been fully realised, despite the wet and windy wrath of hurricane Katie. This photogenic couple also seemed to approve!

Matt finishes stir mixed emotions in me. When I lived and rode in London’s less salubrious, transient districts characterised by bedsits and brothels, flat colours were a great means of keeping motor/cycles under a thieves’ radar.

However, it wasn’t long before this urban warrior theme caught on commercially, thus inviting unwanted introspection from thieves. BBB offer these in any colour you like, so long as its stealth black that compliments contemporary and traditional road builds very convincingly. Think I’ll add retro-reflective stickers at key points and know I’ve some plug-in mud flaps hiding in the spares stash-somewhere...

Next phase of fleet fettling is to replace the Teenage Dream’s fork sensor battery (computer is registering big fat zero, though digits suitably bold) and address the Holdsworth’s headset play. Nothing serious-just a question of adding a spacer or two and possibly substituting the so-so expander wedge for something more substantial.     

Talking of commercial, Green Oil announced they will be joining Lee Cooper and some others in advertising with Seven Day Cyclist. www.sevendaycyclist.com

Simon Nash has also sent us their latest range of anti/lubes, greases, which includes SLIP-the brands first foray into general purpose lubes. Plant based, it’s reportedly suitable for chains, bearings, locks, hinges and other moving parts.

They also suggest its safe on rubberised components, plastics too.  We’ll be putting them through the mill over the coming weeks and longer term, to see how they compare with previous blends and petrochemical competition. We’ve also received the MK3 eco-brush.

Previous versions were extremely effective on tyres, chain rings, cassettes, hubs and other drivetrain components. I’d shied away from paintwork and other delicate finishes, such as silicone/polymer based handlebar coverings, so it will be interesting to see whether the softer bristle plot can deliver all-round.   

Elsewhere, my illustrator is confident he will have brought the characters for my series of children’s stories to life by close of April and I’m working on some new storylines/adventures.

This trike also came under my radar while mooching around the midlands. Seems to be based around a Reliant engine and Honda CB750 front end-didn’t have chance to speak with the owner but would love to know more, so will drop by another time.         

Down tubes and Phantom Squeaks

Riding, rather like music has always served as an escape. The ability to blast along under your own steam and at a decent pace, blowing everything into perspective has been every bit as enticing, dare I say addictive as lightweight framesets, components, apparel and tech. Judging by several cycling-centric novels and biographies I’ve been reviewing lately, I’m not alone.

Numb of bum and brain, having spent several hours slaving over a keyboard; the soft, enticing whisper of deserted lanes is hard to resist. Mild, wet winters have seen a pronounced spike in pothole fertility. While highways agencies and local authorities send gangs of mastic asphalt spreaders to patch large sections of our infrastructure, tubby tourer and I have been embracing the deviations.

Crime is perceived as an urban phenomenon but metal thieves and similar shady “entrepreneurial” types often emerge, taking advantage of isolation, casing farm buildings and abandoned properties under the cover of darkness. 

This encourages a surprisingly brisk tempo through certain sections. In other respects, I like the eerie quiet-conducive to contemplation, whether it be formulating opinions/conclusions on components/accessories, or formulating new characters/plotlines for short story projects.

Talking of which, the illustrator I snapped up last week is eager to bring my children’s stories together in a series and has also come up with some fantastic ideas of his own. I’m looking forward to his work and getting these some proper exposure.

Back to bikes and the arrival of some fresh bike wash, bottle cages and other test staples saw me cleaning several weeks’ worth of salty spatter from my Univega.Depending on their grade, even stainless fasteners will eventually succumb-especially chainstay bridge bolts and others blasted with wet, mucky stuff. These generally get a quick squirt of PTFE lube to preserve their finish and mobility-usually post wash. 

However, the Univega’s lowest slung bottle mounts hadn’t been given a second thought in a few seasons. Thankfully, these had just turned arthritic, not right royally seized; Liberated with a quick shot of PTFE spray, T handled Allen key and some choice words.              

Re-dressing their threads in stodgy wet lube, I substituted the elderly (18 year old) but remarkably well-preserved Kalloy cage for this Topeak Shuttle. Semi/Compact geometry frames have been a positive revolution, meaning most people can find a production frame to fit. 

However, smaller riders may find two standard cages and bottles problematic.

Several manufacturers have addressed this, often with side-entry designs such as these Lezyne. The Topeak is a more traditional looking option.

Made from engineering grade plastic with integral metal washers to prevent fatigue caused by over-tightening, I’ve been porting it around the bosses, tenure with standard trade and tool caddy bottles is reassuringly good-even off road but intentional release isn’t gunslinger quick. A few more weeks are needed before definite conclusions can be reached. 

Since we’re on the subject, I’ve always liked several bottle mounts.However, those beneath the down tube is anything but ideal for rider refreshment-unless bottles feature protective caps, balloons (or condoms) are the only barrier between you and some extremely nasty bacteria thrown up by the front wheel. 

The latter also invites relentless ridicule from riding companions and sideways glances from other passers by. I’ve even had a very determined terrier attempt to scoff one while I’d nipped in to a farm shop for some mid ride sustenance! Hustling along one such deserted stretch; my silence was rudely interrupted by some intermittent and disconcerting squeaks.

Hauling in the front lever and coasting into a clearing, I checked the obvious candidates-bottom bracket, cranks and pedals... Saddle cradle...Nothing. Hopping back in the saddle and scooting off, I diagnosed a slack cassette lock-ring but bereft of hyper cracker tool, resisted the urge to hammer for those remaining 15miles.

Continuing the down tube theme, this Unich “detonator style” mini floor pump also arrived for testing. Well finished and surprisingly svelte by genre standards, despite rough roads and lumpy forest tracks, it hasn’t slipped along the resin bracket, allowing the handle to rattle woodpecker fashion against the frame.

This can lead to tiny dents on really thin-walled tubing, or mark finishes, hence my precautionary strip of “Helicopter” tape where these make contact. This version is reckoned to deliver 110psi, which is a little short of ideal for really high pressure training and race rubber but more than adequate for touring and wider section training types.

Swapping between Presta and Schrader valves is equally straightforward. Simply unscrew and plug on. No swapping (or losing) tiny bits by the roadside on a cold, rainy night. A boon should your tag along or trailer wheel get a flat. On that note, I’ll end with this clever use of defunct butyl

Grotesque GWCs & Delightful Designers

In the former context I am of course, referring to the “Guy with Camera”. This acronym is oft used within semi/professional and modelling circles to describe a certain grade of sleazy, lecherous individual who poses a threat to women and genuine photographers.

Once upon a time, these would’ve been seen perving with their Polaroids but they have become better equipped to catch the unwary as “Professional looking” equipment tumbles in price.

Parallels between scratcher and tattooist spring to mind here.

One will operate from unlicensed premises with no accreditation, using basic equipment bought online and won’t have registered with the local health authority, let alone possess public liability cover.

Sit in their chair asking for Pegasus and you’ll get my little pony with wings, possibly a nasty infection into the bargain.

The GWC will offer to shoot modelling port-folios with dubious results, not to mention intentions. No model release forms, liability cover, proper studio, assistant and insistence upon chaperones? Smile a lot and walk away very quickly.

With these distinctions firmly established, I was busily indulging in some industrial imagery last Wednesday afternoon; though specifically this Triumph TR3 shell awaiting blasting and related prep. 

Having narrowly avoided a close, head-first encounter with the methyl chloride tank, it was a successful mission. Packing away my SLR and lenses, I was approached by a grubby looking man in his thirties who attempted to strike up a conversation.

“Been busy?”  “Yes”; I replied politely.

“What have you been photographing?” he continued

“All sorts”; came my guarded response.

“Women?; bought myself a Nikon..” his return serve;  I could almost feel the steady trickle of saliva cascading from his mouth as he pursued this line of unwelcome enquiry-oblivious to my brusque and reproving replies.

“Yes, I shoot all manner of portrait and makeover commissions”.

He took this to mean, naked...”So where do you go to shoot these naked birds; a venue or do you just drop round their houses?”

His closing comments swept me back to a cold December night in Amsterdam’s red light district.

City dwellers passing smartly as crowds of male tourists pointed and gawped at women posing provocatively in the neon lit windows. This was twenty years ago when prostitution was decriminalised and tolerated but at this level, mafia controlled. 

One group from Streatham discovered this first hand when their leader aimed a disposable 35mm point n’ shoot at the neon saturated terrace. Contrary to popular misconception, prostitution was tolerated and decriminalised during this era but only legalised proper in 2000. (This presented another distinct problem for trafficked women as their status changed to illegal immigrant).

Seconds later they were chased away by a man brandishing a very large, serrated knife.  Many of the women serving this market were trapped, trafficked by Russian and Turkish mafia from Africa, former Soviet states, South America. Others served even darker masters most notably drug dependency mental illness.

Ending on a far lighter, happier note, I’ve recruited a talented and enthusiastic illustrator to collaborate on my series of children’s stories-he liked their concept and is busily bringing the characters to life as I type this.

Suffice to say I’m delighted and will reveal more another time. Right, time I popped the camera batteries on charge, threw a leg over the Univega’s top tube and went for a blast along the back roads.