Fatigue & Thrift

Fatigue hit me like the proverbial express train. I’d been working relentlessly testing kit and composing copy until 2am pretty much every morning for three successive weeks and the creative process had ground to a halt. Deadlines met and others under strict control, I headed 150 miles north to the Midlands for a photographic assignment. En route I couldn’t resist exploring some long derelict hotels- evidently raped by the metal locusts.

Meanwhile back in the south…Coinciding with another financial year’s swan song was the rush to collate and submit fiscal evidence forming the basis of this year’s tax return to HRMC (Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs). Fiscal administration doesn’t come naturally to me, yet completion is strangely satisfying tackled with a focused, proactive mindset.

On the subject of money, there’s a prevailing romanticism of thrift within television scheduling which focuses on cooking, dressmaking and related domesticity. On many levels I’ve nothing against this, assuming it reconnects people with traditional skills and creativity but there’s a more sinister use of nostalgia, drawing parallels with a rose tinted post war make do n’ mend era while the very frameworks established to promote equality, raise living standards and socio-economic mobility are steadily eroded under the guise of austerity.

Begrudgingly infectious, I rustled up this simple little handlebar camera mount for the princely sum of 80p. Hardly a novel concept but a constructive use of three minutes, an old reflector mount, tap washers, rubber shims, ¼ inch threaded bolt and two nuts it entertains most standard compact cameras and captures reasonable ride footage. Further refinements (rubber shims and wing nuts) will hopefully counteract irksome blurring vibration when hosting super zoom travel models. I’m undecided whether this is a consequence of a long lens and slightly whippy Nylon bracket, or indeed combination of both so comparison with Minoura’s beautifully machined aluminium version would be very interesting. Watch this space…

Spares bin scavenging also resurrected a beautiful stainless steel EAI superstar sprocket devoid of the bevelling designed to compensate for poor chainline on fixed gear conversions. Despite introducing its Halo predecessor with a healthy slathering of grease, removal demanded generous applications of penetrant and judicious persuasion from Pedro’s Vise whip.

While performing said surgery, I also happened upon some potentially nasty looking lesions in the Kojak’ casings, although these proved superficial, easily repaired using some premium grade super glue. Speaking of which, spring has finally sprung, snow tyres have been substituted for slicks and those Revolution trail Baggies are rapidly becoming the default option. Interesting framesets such as this mid to late 90’s 653 Ribble complete with internal cable guides, two tone livery and some curious superficial corrosion around the seat collar are awaiting makeover with Maldon Shot blasting & powder coating. Classic is one of those words, including Artisan (or indeed “Flavoursome”) banded around without discretion, although this particular offering is an excellent example of mid to late 90’s volume produced steel road frames.

Every now and then, I’m tempted to dress the Teenage Dream in a contemporary upper mid range groupset-Microshift Centos being an obvious choice but this would detract from its character and more importantly result in existing components needlessly languishing within the spares bin. Maybe when six-speed screw on freewheels finally go do-do a’la Maillard’s Helicomatic tool-free cassette system.

With a sporty touring shoes feature presently mid draft, its interesting that pedal choices for those wanting to retain the character of an eighties road bike are somewhat confined to clips n’ straps or Look/Keo patterns. However, Shimano’s single sided PDA520 have recently graced my doorstep. Marketed as touring pedal, they tip the scales at 278g and boast high lustre anodised aluminium bodies designed to age gracefully and moreover, distribute loads evenly.

Minimising fatigue/hotspots without blunting cornering prowess, racing horizons seem limited only by footwear choice and recessed cleats are infinitely more practical on an everyday basis. Some have called for electroplated axles, suggesting their existing finish is susceptible to the salt monster-I’ll reserve judgement for now, other than to suggest a quick preventative drop of winter weight, wet lube usually renders this problem academic.

Right, time I resumed my touring shoes group test and pitching book projects to potential publishers.

Baggy Trousers & Blasting Frames

No, nothing to do with Madness, the 80's Ska inspired pop band-we're talking messenger knickers/three quarter lengths (delete as your road/mtb heritage dictates). Lycra remains a firm favourite for fast blasts on the Holdsworth and Teenage Dream but there's much to be said in favour of stylish modesty as my thirties thunder by. The one downside to this genre of respectable leg-wear is the attention it draws to furry pins-hence my endearing love affair with Veet!

Missing teeth aren't particularly fetching either...Despite a varied and reasonably balanced diet, my cola consumption was on par with Dennis Hopper's appetite for liquor during the 1970s. The loss of a prominent and very expensive dental crown has ended a twenty year dependency upon this evil mistress.

Polaris Transition bear remarkable similarity to Protective Washingtons, although they're fashioned from water repellent rip-stop polyester which has a distinctly "technical" feel compared with the German marque's brushed fabric. Pockets are the bog standard hip for change, keys and stuffing the hands when mooching around town while the positively cavernous cargo type gobble everything from larger compact cameras, wallets and smart phones through to road maps- er, that's retro GPS for the uninitiated. Stretch panels minimise bunching even-fully laden and hammering along at ninety-plus rpm while the rip-stop lives up to it's reputation, shrugging at brambles and other feisty foliage. They're as chic, civilian and water resistant as you'll need in the urban jungle, although the Protective have the edge for more formal meets. Sizing is a major consideration though and in their infinite wisdom, Polaris have done something very strange for the men-folk. My thirty-two inch waist, thirty-three leg isn't particularly outlandish and I've always managed a medium...I squeezed into our sample sans unsightly muffin top and given a few longish outings, the fabric relaxes. Measurements seem more consistent for the ladies but nonetheless try before parting with your hard-earned.

Diesel strength coffee and regular visits to Maldon Shotblasting & Powder Coating have been keeping the soda scourge firmly in check. In amongst a flurry of rusty motorcycle frames, panels and tanks sat this weary looking '80s Condor road frameset ready for a "French Blue" rebirth.Construction and attention to detail are to a standard "Johnny come artisan" can only dream of. Note the accuracy of brazing- no runs or drips here (more than can be said for the Teenage Deam-at least around the original fork crown). My inclination would be to reconfigure the top-tube cable routing but then perhaps the owner wants to retain its originality and besides, identikit machines/increasingly identikit people are equally undesirable.

The same is true of dirty/squeaky transmissions and I'm pleased to report we've been returning around two hundred miles from White Lightning's "Clean Ride" through the drier months. Maintenance has been little more than a light drizzle on every link and periodically wiping any sludge from the outer plates. However, I'm edging closer to the bottle's end and must make a decision whether to continue, or substitute for a more tenacious gloopy offering for the darker months that creep nearer.

Elsewhere, Knog's mighty dry dog remains a near permanent feature aboard the Univega's beefy cro-moly rack. Summer cloudburst, river crossings and the general hurdy gurdy of rough-stuff touring have made no impression on the fabric or moreover, contents. Its thirteen inch sibling has the edge when it comes to the cut and thrust of commuting since it slips through gaps that bit easier and doesn't foul the floor when wheeling the bike through tight apartment corridors but bigger brother is bang on for weekend touring.

Right, well a kindly editor has bestowed a lovely box of goodies for testing and the wide blue yonder is calling me.