Baggy Trousers & Blasting Frames

No, nothing to do with Madness, the 80's Ska inspired pop band-we're talking messenger knickers/three quarter lengths (delete as your road/mtb heritage dictates). Lycra remains a firm favourite for fast blasts on the Holdsworth and Teenage Dream but there's much to be said in favour of stylish modesty as my thirties thunder by. The one downside to this genre of respectable leg-wear is the attention it draws to furry pins-hence my endearing love affair with Veet!

Missing teeth aren't particularly fetching either...Despite a varied and reasonably balanced diet, my cola consumption was on par with Dennis Hopper's appetite for liquor during the 1970s. The loss of a prominent and very expensive dental crown has ended a twenty year dependency upon this evil mistress.

Polaris Transition bear remarkable similarity to Protective Washingtons, although they're fashioned from water repellent rip-stop polyester which has a distinctly "technical" feel compared with the German marque's brushed fabric. Pockets are the bog standard hip for change, keys and stuffing the hands when mooching around town while the positively cavernous cargo type gobble everything from larger compact cameras, wallets and smart phones through to road maps- er, that's retro GPS for the uninitiated. Stretch panels minimise bunching even-fully laden and hammering along at ninety-plus rpm while the rip-stop lives up to it's reputation, shrugging at brambles and other feisty foliage. They're as chic, civilian and water resistant as you'll need in the urban jungle, although the Protective have the edge for more formal meets. Sizing is a major consideration though and in their infinite wisdom, Polaris have done something very strange for the men-folk. My thirty-two inch waist, thirty-three leg isn't particularly outlandish and I've always managed a medium...I squeezed into our sample sans unsightly muffin top and given a few longish outings, the fabric relaxes. Measurements seem more consistent for the ladies but nonetheless try before parting with your hard-earned.

Diesel strength coffee and regular visits to Maldon Shotblasting & Powder Coating have been keeping the soda scourge firmly in check. In amongst a flurry of rusty motorcycle frames, panels and tanks sat this weary looking '80s Condor road frameset ready for a "French Blue" rebirth.Construction and attention to detail are to a standard "Johnny come artisan" can only dream of. Note the accuracy of brazing- no runs or drips here (more than can be said for the Teenage Deam-at least around the original fork crown). My inclination would be to reconfigure the top-tube cable routing but then perhaps the owner wants to retain its originality and besides, identikit machines/increasingly identikit people are equally undesirable.

The same is true of dirty/squeaky transmissions and I'm pleased to report we've been returning around two hundred miles from White Lightning's "Clean Ride" through the drier months. Maintenance has been little more than a light drizzle on every link and periodically wiping any sludge from the outer plates. However, I'm edging closer to the bottle's end and must make a decision whether to continue, or substitute for a more tenacious gloopy offering for the darker months that creep nearer.

Elsewhere, Knog's mighty dry dog remains a near permanent feature aboard the Univega's beefy cro-moly rack. Summer cloudburst, river crossings and the general hurdy gurdy of rough-stuff touring have made no impression on the fabric or moreover, contents. Its thirteen inch sibling has the edge when it comes to the cut and thrust of commuting since it slips through gaps that bit easier and doesn't foul the floor when wheeling the bike through tight apartment corridors but bigger brother is bang on for weekend touring.

Right, well a kindly editor has bestowed a lovely box of goodies for testing and the wide blue yonder is calling me.

Water Sports.....

No, look elsewhere if you're after the sort involving bodily fluids. We've been hit by a band of low pressure, bestowing monsoon rainfall of the type more commonly associated with epic melodramas. Harbingers of doom proclaim the end of summer but these are perfect conditions for real-world conditions for product tests.

The good folk at Moore Large (http://www.todayscyclist.co.uk/) have left me Knog's Dry Dog to play with. Our seventeen inch version is big enough to hop inside and on the strength of recent long, steady rides-completely waterproof (even submerged during river crossings) thanks to the sonically welded 1200 denier PU fabric. Acres of bold, reflective detailing ensures 180 degree visibility, which is an absolute godsend whether chasing along country lanes in the dead of night or tackling the usual town centre malaise. Similarly, Rixen Kaul click-fix systems inspire confidence over the roughest roads and trails, accommodating most gauges of rack with a deft flick of the Phillips screws. Asymmetrical design allows it to ride either side and this extends to the webbed shoulder strap which shares a similar profile to the pig-dog. A splash of cartoon nudity is the only thing likely to divide opinion and for my part, I'm indifferent but some office/environments might not be so liberal.

Having discovered the Univega's Kenda Ultralite tube mysteriously perished at the valve stem, it now lives on as a top-tube protector, which ironically coincided with the purchase of another patch kit. Mean and rueful of the glue-less breed, finding they either don't adhere at all, or slowly peel away, I'll stick with that little tube of vulcanising solution. Leaning bikes by their top-tubes is something I avoid wherever possible but on those occasions calling for intimate relations with street furniture, the old inner tube trick protects paintwork and thin-walled tubing from unnecessary nicks, scrapes and dings.

Freedom to choose (or at least make genuine choices) should never be undervalued. I've been exercising my right to ride sans lid these past few weeks and it has raised a number of interesting points. Firstly, other riders seem more inclined to acknowledge me-regardless of genre or tribe while drivers pass with greater caution and distance. Having worn helmets for the best part of twenty-three years, going totally bareheaded doesn't come naturally-hence the traditional clubman's cap, providing protection from the sun's glare and wind-chill. However, the lid has been resurrected to coincide with these rather tasty new lights from Moon. The creatively monikered X500 is a five hundred lumen, five mode, high power commuting lamp designed for either handlebar of helmet fitting.

Early impressions suggest commendable build quality and output relative to competitor brands, although I have some reservations concerning the lack of peripheral illumination-a moot point perhaps when used as a secondary system but otherwise a consideration when emerging from unlit side-roads, junctions etc . This aside, a choice of wall or USB charging is particularly welcome, although run times in the upper modes don't favour extended nocturnal playtime. Several weeks' thorough testing will reveal all. Elsewhere we've the five LED Mask with detachable covers for perfect colour contrast/coordination and its sixty lumen Shield sibling. Perfect on paper for desk-bound commuters I'm looking forward to putting these through their paces. Our samples were supplied by Raleigh UK (http://www.raleigh.co.uk/) should you fancy a more detailed run down before I return with a more detailed evaluation complete with "Beam" shots.

"I reject your reality and substitute it for my own" is an undeniably witty retort and I am fully aware that stupidity cannot be legislated against. However, there are people who cannot see the correlation between Russian roulette and overtaking on a blind bend. The photograph here depicts the aftermath of a head-on collision between an MG sports car and Ford Mondeo, resulting in critical injuries, necessitating three hour road closure. I realised the gravity of the situation upon spotting a lone stretcher and two police officers gesticulating in between periods of protracted discussion. Nineteen years previously, a cyclist in his early twenties was killed having struck a postal van. Talk focused upon the rider's helmet omission and according to eye-witness reports, the stationary vehicle wasn't badly parked-a genuinely tragic accident resultant from a momentary lapse in concentration.

There prevails a curious myth that simply passing the car test (along with examinations per se) qualifies individuals as competent drivers when in fact it merely proves they were assessed as being suitably safe to be allowed to operate a vehicle on public roads without supervision. There are no shortcuts to road craft as the proliferation of fatalities amongst thirty-somethings who acquire motorcycle licences via intensive course and on large capacity (typically 750cc) machines. By contrast cyclists and motorcyclists who adopt cars as another mode of transport generally "read" the road to a better standard, showing greater empathy for others.

Sermon over and since it's pouring with rain, I'll go testing.

Burls Next The Sea....

Took a break from the monotony of chasing invoices and writer's block to pop in on Justin Burls. He's recently relocated, albeit only by a mile or so to more spacious premises complete with centrally heated indoor workshop. Arguably still relevant as a frame material, steel has been eclipsed by unprecedented demand for his bespoke titanium range/complete bike builds. However, it was this ferrous fixer that captured my imagination Built in the late 90s using Columbus tubes, it's quaintessentially a road frameset with track ends. All Justin's work is one-off and made to measure but we live in times of extensive badge engineering whereby, often the only features distinguishing one volume produced frame from another are the groupset, livery and decals. Taking the pragmatic, market forces approach, this has kept things ultra competitive in the consumers favour. Ten years ago, road bikes boasting 6061 aluminium tubes, carbon fork and a low-mid range groupset would command £1500 whereas £550 buys the same specification today. Given a few miles and some gradual component replacement, said machines arguably evolve so long as the owner hasn't slavishly replaced like for like. Without falling into the over simplistic and hackneyed "Extension of the persona" cliche'; Justin is very matter of-fact about the build, suggesting it was conceived from whatever was lying around or available cheaply. Take a closer look at these Campagnolo track cranks which were found along with the seatpost unloved and under a covering of tar in someone's outbuilding.Judicious use of the grit blaster, coupled with a new ring restored them to their original glory- living proof that very fetching bikes are possible with imagination, skill and very modest outlay. Stopping is courtesy of this entry level, yet aesthetically pleasing Campagnolo Mirage calliper and New Old Stock Shimano Exage levers, whereas the cockpit is classic road territory-Cinelli quill stem and 44cm drops dressed in cork wrap. A wired Cat-Eye might offend his clean lines ethic but offers unrivaled accuracy without corruption from external currents.
Old faithful is the embodiment of those characterful winter hacks and a machine I would gladly re home and er, partially rebuild. The drivetrain has succumbed to the salt monster but otherwise nothing a good bath, hard paste waxing and some waxoyl sloshing around the tubes wouldn't sort. A mid range Microshift groupset would complete the transformation perfectly...Ahem, Thou shalt not covet another man's bike....

Tea flowed against a backdrop of gentle burbles and bleeps from his bread maker interrupted only by sporadic telephone calls concerned with the evening's competitive road run. Conversation otherwise revolved around the irony of skilled artisans earning a living from teaching/materials (DVDs, Training manuals etc) rather than commercial practice. Casual observation suggests these "Black Arts" have become fashionable pass-times amongst a well-heeled professional class seeking a romanticised distraction from virtual stocks, shares and bonds.

Having confirmed the precise location of the evening's run, Justin reasoned there was sufficient time for an enthused swim in the North Sea. Partaking in this ocean's dubious charms had as much appeal as immersing my testicles in acid so I remained on Terra-firma and clicked away at ISO 100....

F is for frustration...Oh and fetish!

The onset of warmer weather rekindles my desire to press onward with the Holdsworth's rebirth. Repair to the shell, bottle mounts and of course, new finish. I'm leaning toward a chrome effect powder base-coat with a two pac 5012 top coat to give the impression of a plated triangle but without the harmful processes. However, while I'm renown for creative solutions and lateral thought, some things require capital investment and the behaviours of one small-scale publisher is testing my patience to the absolute limit. This came to a head last week when a second copy of the current issue dropped through my letterbox sans cheque! In stark contrast, Moore Large have sent these butyl tubes gratis since they couldn't supply me with the thorn resistant Kenda on time. Being Knog's UK distributor, they've also left me this veritable hum vee of a bag to play with...

Knog never cease to amuse with their bizarre but oh so clever marketing and that promoting their Pig Dog 15.5 messenger bag is no exception. The blurb suggests the PR boys and girls have been enjoying too many rides on the magic roundabout but if you can wear the hefty £96 price tag, it could prove the perfect urbane companion for riders seeking a stylish, waterproof town satchel on and sans bike but without messenger pretensions. Made from hand stitched, hard wearing 1200 denier cotton duck, full to bursting capacity is an eye-popping twenty-four litres. Being a social chameleon, it can be taken anywhere, especially through airport security with the minimum of fuss which is more than can be said of an otherwise fine example made from hemp with that oh so distinctive aroma....

Polar opposite in their marketing strategy, BBB Ultra tech bib shorts are the embodiment of professional with twelve panel construction, flat seams, silicone grippers gracing every contour perfectly for maximum comfort and unrestricted movement. Inserts can make or break a short. Common to similarly priced designs, it's gender specific, mapped out with the full compliment of supportive/pressure relieving grooves. two layer construction consists of a moisture wicking top-sheet that retains a cool, dry inner climate while the " Silver protection" combats bacterial build up, maintaining good hygiene and odour control. Music to my derriere these past few weeks and six hundred miles, the two tone livery might not be every one's cuppa and some reinforcement would be welcomed around the seat but they're a shrewd option for long days in the saddle without the boutique pricing. Beset by occasional but unnerving bouts of writer's block, I've been seeking inspiration from all manner of places and with Joshua at a loose end, we headed to Maldon Shotblasting & powder coating too see what was on offer. Nestling amongst the rows of freshly TIG welded go-cart chassis awaiting blasting and painting was this Trek. Determining the year of build was tricky since it's made from Cro-moly, the rear stays have an early 90's heritage and curiously the well finished vertical ends sported a disc mount....

Further intrigue came courtesy of Justin Burls and this frameset made for two...I'll arrange to come and visit him at his new premises and if I ask nicely perhaps he'll fill me in. In the meantime should you fancy something bespoke from the finest grade Russian titanium then have a look at his site: http://www.burls.co.uk/

Ending on a surreal note, SKS airchamp pro is a very fine way of raising a flaccid road tyre to 110psi in eight seconds. A clever thumb switch enables controlled release, as opposed to jettisoning an entire cylinder which might not seem ideal when trying to rejoin the peleton but comes into it's own, out with the chain gang. With hydraulic arms you've cajoled eighty-five psi from the hand-pump but it's locked out and that race rubber's begging for 125. Plug on the airchamp and top-up (checking periodically with your tyre gauge to avoid blowing it from the rim!) There's even a safety catch to prevent unintentional discharge...So, there was I bowling along the lanes when whooooooooooooooooosh- the cartridge engaged in my messenger knickers, refreshing the parts Co2 inflators weren't intended for and at £2.50 a hit, this won't develop into a fetish!

Enter Spring, Enter The (Dapper) Commuter

Demand for street smart, performance cycling apparel has mushroomed in the past couple of seasons and these Bontrager commuter jacket and lightweight trousers raise the bar that little bit further thanks to superb, tailored cut, plentiful, yet discrete pockets and everyday practicality. Designed for three-season's (April to September) service, there's some trade off between climate control and weather protection but the Nylon/Polyester/Elastane mix feels surprisingly temperate when the mercury nudges twenty-three degrees, dries pretty quick following a sharp shower and embedded charcoal neutralises nasty niffs between low temperature machine washes. Scotchlite detailing is minimalist but effective and genuinely faithful to the civilian design brief. Pockets a plenty Will entertain compact cameras, phones, wallets and other everyday essentials without those unsightly, pronounced bulges while those at the hips mean hands stay cosy when mooching around town.The trousers work to the same principle but are designed to be rolled up when riding a'la messenger knickers. this requires practice to avoid the " British tourist at the seaside" faux pas and while they've a double seat, undershorts are a must for anything other than the shortest hops across town. Detailing is every bit as comprehensive-there's an elasticated waist, belt loops, button closure, U lock caddy strap, two large butt pockets and two inch scotchlite reflectives on the turn ups. Roll them down and sashay past the boss, meet friends in town/for Sunday lunch without a single raised eyebrow. Better still, they're available for both genders.
Continuing our chic, casual theme come these Keen Arroyo SPD sandals courtesy of Karen at Karma communications. Enclosed toes and waterproof nubuck uppers coupled with the twin bolt recessed cleat drillings make extremely practical generic touring and trail companions while permitting that otherwise classic middle-aged man sandals with socks no-no. The soles are blissfully comfortable for walking, although there's some inevitable compromise with pedalling efficiency and engaging with the pedal's cleat mechanism felt a little remote to begin with but they're for recreation, not racing and I've really warmed to them over the past hundred miles at a steady 18mph. Shaun the sheep here wasn't nearly so impressed and clearly preferred old school merino threads. Bowling along the serene, deserted lanes, he sprung from nowhere into the middle of the road. Expecting a rampaging heard of cameloids to follow suit, I slowed to walking pace but his brethren stayed put...As did he, necessitating a deft release and foot-down. Eighty per cent of communication is non-verbal and it became very clear he'd take exception to my passing. A fellow rider approaching from the opposite direction was served a similarly stiff rebuke before said animal cantered back into the field and we beat a hasty retreat.

Sustained testing of the Green Oil White lube seems generally positive, although it does need more frequent reapplication with top ups called for every eighty or so miles-forty short of its petrochemical competitors in comparable conditions. However, convenient dimensions mean it sneaks conveniently inside the pannier ready to silence the dreaded tell-tale squeak.

After some close but no cigar moments, this nail varnish is the perfect shade for the Univega's tasty but tricky to retouch metallic red. Alas, the bottle seems unduly fragile so I've rushed the remaining contents to an alternative receptacle, taking note of the brand and colour for next time. Now, you'll excuse me while I order a fresh batch of those Kenda thorn resistant tubes since it appears puncture season has begun and I'm down to my last of the brand's ultra lightweight siblings which aren't so resilient to flints and other sneaky sharps...

April's Advances

After several months in hibernation, the Teenage Dream was gently roused from its slumber for some frisky back road frolics. Fifteen miles without so much as glipsing a John Dere. Still, I'm sure we'll relive those heady days of old school tractor racing in the coming months. Arriving home, it became apparent that the rechargeable lighting system designed to facilitate extended early season play times was aeathetically unbearable and needed tidying with immediate effect. Running the cabling beneath the top tube courtesy of black zip ties seemed the obvious solution but then I didn't fancy bringing the bike into the kitchen every time the ni-cad battery needed mains charging. Rummaging through the spares bin returned a better reward in the form of two Velcro pump ties-perfect! Elsewhere, a tweak of the Allen keys sees a bottle mount nipped tight with the Cinelli Mini Sub 8 re-aligned for greater speed and comfort.

While not my choice for trophy steeds, pattern parts are often perfect for winter/trainers and the Look copies are prime examples. Bikes are works in perpetual process- how many times have we upgraded the pampered pet and passed the older part-worm stuff along the fleet? Every so often I'm taken by the urge to perform wholesale drive train cleansing in favour of something more contemporary.

Objectively this would bring the "quaint by modern standards" race frameset bang up to date but doing so misses the point- there's memories, not just miles tied up in those Mavic rims, Campagnolo Athena hubs and Victory Mechs. Contemporay groupsets excite for different reasons, not least as there is a fine line between appreciating the past and living in a romanticised version. Emergent brands, most notably Mircoshift and Sun Race (the latter assumed Sturmey Archer) compete handsomely on price and performance with the established marques. Should the household names assume a dismissive complacency last witnessed within the British motorcycle industry some forty years ago, these newcomers could change the landscape of mid-high end groupsets forever.

Joshua's independence brings with it a burgeoning interest in racing and technical skill. Joining me in the garage, I swapped the Univega's mainstay Schwalbe for the 1.75 section Vittoria as he expressed a quiet disdain for the tag-along, citing a lack of comparable control/engagement. This is to be expected and I've a feeling on this occasion a more refined model wouldn't alter his view.

His single speed BMX continues to serve him well and will remain the mainstay machine until he acquiries the necesary experience and mechanical empathy required for competitive riding. I am determined that his next mount will not be off the peg but based around a used 4130/7005 series XC MTB frameset refinished in a powder coat livery of his choosing and carefully selected components from the spares bin. Six/Seven (or possibly eight) speed drivetrain, 24" hoops affording a good choice of narrow slicks and trail rubber coupled with big wide drops. This might sound an unusual combination but neans with a change of tyres/cassette he can taste road, cross and XC racing all on one bike. Should he wish to specialise, it will serve as a very dependable and relatively inexpensive everyday mount.

Much Ado About A Dynamo

After hunting high and low for a suitable replacement for my spontaneously combusting Basta, the good folk at Raleigh generously gifted me one of these lovely 25lux offerings in time for Easter. The integral switch means it can be fed straight from the hub, thus making the otherwise venerable Nexus unit redundant. Fitment demanded some quick, lateral thought though. Being as I run a headlock type system, the lamp couldn't be mounted via the fork drilling but an old NR bracket came to the rescue and sees it sat pride of place aboard the handlebars. Taking delivery early this afternoon, there's been no time for anything other than a few quick spins to confirm connectivity but I'm looking forward to the call of noctural skies.

Many voyages by definition induce chain wear which, left unchecked can wreak havoc with ultra sensitive ten and eleven speed derailleur transmissions. Traditional steel checkers and/or rulers provide some indication but are somewhat hit and miss-vulnerable to user error/misinterpretation. Enter Freedom Sports digital chain gauge. Made by KMC, it gives a definitive reflection of chain health in either metric or imperial. Child of the early seventies and somewhat semi-metric, I configured it to millimetres and got busy. Powered by a single 1.5 volt watch type cell, the sprung crescent end dips between the rollers first while the other follows suit some eight links along. Readings between 0.00 and 0.40mm indicate a chain in it's prime, 0.40-0.80mm middle aged and anything exceeding 0.80mm needs pensioning off pronto. Absolutely accuracy has been difficult to ascertain since I didn't have another calibrated and checked model to use as control. However, readings have been consistent on factory fresh chains (measured at three different points) and should be sufficient for all but the most obsessive. £50 either represents sound investment or simply keeping up with the club-mates (depending upon the size of your fleet/groupset value) and the ergonomics need tweaking so it's easier to read in situ.

Lube is another important consideration and I'm developing a genuine leaning toward those that aren't derived from petrochemicals. Green Oil have released "White"; a dry wax lube formulated from plant solvent that works to precisely the same principles. Curiously it's just as flammable so store away from naked flames, combustible materials and sources of ignition.

Wax types aren't intended for the most challenging conditions (not my first choice for fixers either which benefit from a stout wet lube to keep things running serenely) but nonetheless keep transmissions clean and lubricated with more frequent/liberal applications. Common to the breed; White is really, really thin, requiring a steady hand and three applications for adequate coverage. Green oil recommend leaving it seven minutes or so to cure (longer in winter) but using White Lightning's clean ride as my yardstick, I'll reserve judgement for a few hundred miles or so.