Sordid

People are an endless source of curiosity…Twenty odd years ago, I was discussing the pros and cons of old school rollers and turbo trainers with a coachbuilder and seasoned clubman at his workshop. He cast me a concerned gaze and asked me the identity of my proposed “slave” bike; “You’re not riding a Peugeot?” “No, a Raleigh”; I replied, his demeanour relaxing as he produced a sheared fork steerer and Peugeot branded 531 blades. “I’ve to braze this one back for a club mate-seen quite a few recently-seems they can’t withstand the twisting forces and it doesn’t help that some people like to honk.” Climbing out of the saddle- on the indoor trainer (!) Oh well, guess you can’t legislate against stupidity, takes all sorts to make a world, other clichéd reflections ad nauseam…

Often I disengage my racing mind from the day’s endeavours by wandering round the web late at night, in totally different directions from my profession. Frequently this leads to urban exploration-abandoned buildings, factories, and industrial sites. One such meander brought me to a site dedicated to long, lost, forgotten and ignored areas of London whether it be wartime defences, public houses, bunkers or abandoned houses.
Strangest of all was the curator’s collection of disused toilets. Having meandered chest-height through vile smelling waters while investigating disused military bunkers in Jersey, I couldn’t imagine their appeal. Public toilets often invite all manner of activities for which they weren’t intended. I recall as a very small child, my mother being frightened to enter one in Chelmsford because a woman was laid on the floor, threatening to commit suicide. I’ve found people unconscious, needles protruding as if javelin from their arms; overheard violent beatings and witnessed a host of similarly sinister events over the years.
Coinciding with the return journey of a ride to the now sorry looking remains of Danbury Palace came the full-bladder shuffle. Locals might contradict me but the hedge option wasn’t available so I persevered, dropping down the cassette to negotiate one final ascent before the leisure centre car park facilities.

Two minutes later and with the Univega tethered to suitable ironwork, I dashed to a flat-roofed embodiment of 70’s architecture. An unmistakable stench of urine and faeces confirmed this was the privy that time, planning departments and cleaning contractors’ clearly forgot-a distinct lack of lighting accentuating the sense of menace. Men hovered round the main overflowing porcelain troff, some silent, others more vocal in their relief.
Preferring the privacy of a cubicle, with desperation in the driving seat, I nudged the door open with these Polaris Bojo, deftly leaped over the trail of human excrement clearly leftover from an evening’s scatological scrabble and emptied my bladder, averting my gaze in an attempt to temper urges to vomit. Phone numbers touting sexual favours adorned the textured ceiling and I was torn between a sense of “so long as it’s confined to consenting parties” acceptance and downright revulsion. Broken sanitary facilities deepened this repugnancy but mercifully a bijous pack of baby wipes sits in the bottom of my pannier for such emergencies. Outside and in stark contrast, a steady precession of people carriers ferrying three generations of family sought their rightful places in the parking bays. A quick rummage through my lockable pannier unearthed the wipes and arsenal of LED lighting that might otherwise vanish. Reasoning I had deferred drafting a very specific, book project synopsis long enough, it was time to churn home at a more purposeful pace.

Un-tethering the tubby tourer, we rejoined the steady procession of mid afternoon traffic and I cursed myself for choosing 3/4lengths over traditional tights since the air temperature had plummeted to around three degrees, my calves steadily assuming the pallor of raw steak.
By contrast, these Michelin Country Rock were a prudent choice, moulding limpet like to the slimy, battle scarred asphalt. Identical in diameter to the Vittoria Randonneur trail, lighter, supple casings translating into a more spirited passage over paved surfaces while equally competent across dry, dusty trails. Forgoing the belt and braces Kevlar sandwich opens the door a little wider to the dreaded hiss but in my experience, this seems largely negated paired with thorn resistant tubes. Only time and some serious winter miles will tell…

Stripped

In between prolonged typing to an eclectic blend of Ska, Progressive rock and indeed radio4, I’ve been out sampling some lovely kit and the wonders of an unseasonably mild January. A gentle tinkling became steadily more audible, demanding a quick twenty-minute tweak of the Univega’s indexing-a not unfamiliar chore for triple set ups run year round. Budget squeezes are the default rationale’ for everything at the moment but the pothole infestation is running rampant locally- a moot point on the Univega with it’s buxom 1.75inch trail inspired Vittoria but super skinny road rubber calls for cat-like reflexes. Speaking of which, the Ilpompino’s front-end transplant might be on the backburner but I’m toying with the idea of a tyre swap-something 700x35 for super compliant passage over these inclement road surfaces and whipping the rear wheel round to take advantage of a more becoming, mid seventies gear ratio for those long, steady climbs that serve as an eloquent metaphor for life. Besides, I’ve long held an interest in massage/reflexology and look to invest in this particular discipline, although since I don’t come from a sports science or beauty therapy background, finding suitable foundation level courses is proving particularly elusive. I’ve sought out some background teaching materials for my own curiosity but need another stimulating vocation, supportive to my mainstay professions of word-smithery and lensmanship running in parallel.

Rain and slurry call for fenders and waterproofs/luggage and in this age of parental over-protectiveness, I was heartened to see a father and children commuting back from school on their bikes bedecked with fenders, racks and waterproof TPU panniers. Sadly I can’t bring you the images since photographing children outside of strictly regulated settings is deeply taboo. As both parent and image-maker, I have mixed feelings about this and understand the competing arguments.

On the one hand generic legislation has freed many, many children from highly exploitative and harmful situations but the McCarthy-esque “Perverts behind every viewfinder” is borderline ridiculous. Some of the best documentary photography capturing life and times- the morays, mood and living standards of any given era have frequently captured children playing candidly in the street. Contrast that with my own detention by Police Community Support Officers who interrogated me as to my intentions-why I was taking photographs of my own son in-spite of him smiling, waving and clearly referring to me as “Dad”.

Sure, you’d be insane to point a camera anywhere near a school without express, written consent and there have been some deeply distressing high profile cases of “photographers” using the profession to lure and groom vulnerable people but unfortunately, sections of society are ruthlessly exploiting or endangering their children through regular exposure to pornography and inappropriate adults within their kin/friendship circles. Such behaviours are all too often “normalised” within families, leading to generations of very damaged/damaging adults. Richard Ballantine’s brilliant Piccolo Bicycle Book (Sadly long out of print) had a beautifully balanced chapter steering children to recognise there are good people, bad and really bad people-to be vigilant but not paranoid. Children in particular need a gradual exposure to controlled risk in order to grow as rounded capable adults who recognise potentially dangerous people and situations; side-stepping them accordingly.
Calling in at the spray-shop, another classy looking Cro-moly mountain bike frame caught my attention. Devoid of decals, I scoured the frame ends for clues as to its identity but to no avail. This was in for a wet spray, two-pac finish since removing the cross threaded Royce titanium bottom bracket would’ve meant re-cutting the bottom bracket shell (from British to the relatively rare Italian-a common fix but make sure you buy a few bottom brackets there and then since replacements are relatively tricky to find). The alternative (assuming it had been a UN52/72 square taper pattern) is to install a pressure-fit model specifically designed for worn/stripped or otherwise damaged shells. On the subject of wet and dry stuff, the squirt chain wax has held up well to everyday riding, typically returning 180miles from each application and aside from some congealed lumps nestling between the Univega’s cassette cluster; it has the good grace to drop off once contaminated with seasonal grime.

Stuff ‘em in your Sack

The arrival of these understated Louis Garneau Lathi gloves prompted me to reflect on the contrasting approaches of two riders when it came to condition specific illumination. I’m not calling for legislation compelling us to don day-glow and engage lights during daylight hours since this serves to perpetuate perceptions that cycling and the great outdoors are hazardous by default. Compelling motorcyclists in Scandinavian countries to do just this had a very short-lived effect before they once again became "invisible" to swathes of much larger traffic. Proponents of these and similarly ridiculous measures are myopic to the fact most cyclists are also car owners/drivers, sometimes motorcyclists and truckers too!
The rider pictured blazing a trail through the 4pm December murk couldn’t be more conspicuous (In fact, temptation urged me to draw alongside and ask what systems he was using but didn’t, since in his cleats I’d construe such behaviour as driver harassment). Driving back from assorted quick stop-offs during the sleepy corridor that leads us to the New Year; I was horrified to encounter an arguably more seasoned Cannondale rider with literally zero illumination. Any of us can (and probably have) been caught out by a snagged dynamo wire, expiring lead-acid battery or similar act of god but to find him bereft of even the thinnest slither of Scotchlite, let alone contingency blinkies at half-past dusk stops short of reckless. Most micro LEDs are visible from around two hundred and fifty yards, often more but driving at 40mph in 60mph zone and with unhampered vision, I only noticed him at forty yards. What if my approach had been more cavalier or my reactions/senses hampered in some way?

Cyclists and similarly “minority” traffic take disproportionate “stick” from various lobby groups as it is and the majority of us keep our houses very much in order but these incidents are precisely what gives credence to buck passing us n’ them pressure groups’ cries for greater anti cyclist legislation. Unfortunately too many careless, uninsured and sometimes unlicensed/inebriated vehicle operatives walk away from court with a few casual nods of remorse to the judge. The mighty little blinky cost next to nothing, doesn’t detract from the sleekest steed and may be the difference between a warm soak in the tub with the rides’ highs lows swooping through your consciousness or a cold, clinical mortuary slab. Stuff ‘em in your sack.

Happy New Year!

Fifteen Days Later...

The past ten days could've been plucked straight from a George A Romero zombie flick as endless precession of automatic SUVs converged on out of town supermarkets, stocking up for the seasonal famine. Reasoning retail giants were closing indefinitely, armies of the undead lined the aisles, oft sporting iPods and shunting wire baskets along the floor with the Instep of their UGG boots. Flailing arms scattered goods from the shelves to monotonous, piped seasonal in-store music as generations of these poor creatures converged upon the checkouts . Undeterred, I nimbly dodged the malaise, snatching vital supplies of instant coffee to stimulate body and soul. Three precious jars scanned at the automatic teller, I shovelled coins into the slot before fleeing through the automatic doors.

Having made good my escape in the little Ka, this Alpinestars Cro-Mega complete with elevated chainstays and curved seat-tube awaited me at Maldon Shotblasting & Powder Coating. An interesting concept now consigned to the archives, it was thought to overcome the ruinous spectres of chain-slap/suck while a curved seat-tube shortened the wheelbase for gazelle-like climbing prowess.

Underneath its weary lick-and-a-promise grey enamel, the Tange tubeset was remarkably well preserved. A small dent in the top-tube was filled using a combination of weld and Thermabond3 to ensure a really flattering effect but obviously demanded a second trip through the blast cabinet to remove any subsequent imperrfections capable of tainting the fetching orange top coat. Its straight blade Cro-Moly forks were finished in satin black for a classy, timeless contrast. I recall lusting after these and similar concepts of this era while a callow A-level student but as with the Kirk magnesium framesets, wouldn’t pay anything approaching classic or collector prices now. The song remains the same when it comes to several other marques. I’d like a Barry Hoban road frameset from the mid to late 1980s. For the uninitiated Hoban was a Welsh star from the 1960s who later married Tom Simpson’s widow and launched a series of frames bearing his name. To my knowledge these were built from 531Cs tubing at the Falcon factory, who by then had assimilated many top brands including Coventry Eagle, Holdsworth and Claud Butler. British Eagle’s Touristique-a rival to Dawes’ seminal mile munching Galaxy from the same era would be another welcome addition to my fleet. Sadly, the brand is now little more than a decal on sub £100 gas-pipe rubbish.

I managed a decent twenty-five mile daily circuit up until December 25th when contamination struck…Not the retail plague but a severe case of sabre tooth man-flu while tweaking the Univega’s cockpit! The eagle-eyed amongst you will notice the rather striking (and frankly fantastic) two-tone Lizard Skins DSP wrap has been replaced in favour of this Arundel Gecko grip.With a super sticky polymer base and EVA foam backing, this works to the same principle but lacked the DSP's outright refinement, making achieving those graceful, flowing overlaps that little bit more time consuming (forty-five minutes) but the final effect was worth the wait… Time will tell as to their performance, not least since I’ve been refraining from further outings until this particularly serious lurgi has been banished with a regime of red bush tea. The gecko is also available in blue, red, white and yellow if black offends your sensibilities. Knog is something of a not-so guilty secret of mine. From a personal and design perspective, I really love the brand and am sufficiently assured of my own masculinity to parade my fuchsia test samples pride of place on those WTB drops! However, objectively and as a journalist, I accept said charm sometimes exceeds their technical merit and function. This, fine coffee and steadily alternating between test/copy deadlines has thus far fended off the seasonal slump. Those other projects touched upon in my earlier entry have also shown some early signs of fruition so while the somewhat raucous, rowdy interlopers to this here domicile recount strange (albeit highly amusing) drunken tales from the lounge, I’ve been making pressure-free progress from the study, nipping out for periodic socialising, soaps, coffee, mince pies, trifle and more nutritious fuel for body n’ soul to suit. Such is my love of coffee and decay that I’ve even been gifted some of this body wash as part of my Christmas bundle!

Out Of The Darkness And Into The Studio?...

We’ve now officially entered winter here in the UK (Canadian, Scandinavian and Eastern European audiences may now snigger freely). Up until recently it’s been unseasonably mild, the narrow winding lanes characterised by a glistening, greasy film of water channelled from the fields interwoven with layers of equine and bovine dung. Sticky under tread during the milder weather, this becomes a veritable skidpan when the mercury dips below zero-even 28mm section commuting rubber starts dancing the Samba. This largely explains why I’ve hardly moved from the Univega in several weeks- that and the fact I’ve been busily testing some dual-purpose on/off road kit.

The most exciting being Magicshine’s MJ816E- a retina ruinous front light capable of a whopping eighteen hundred lumens at full power, yet returning a consistent 105minutes from each three and a half hour mains fuel-up. Even allowing for the technological trickle-down, £135 for a system this powerful is remarkable. More surprising are the diminutive dimensions of both head unit and seat-post mounted battery (although if you were feeling flush and yearned for eight-hour playtimes, there’s always the option of a 17.4Ah bottle type). In real terms, there’s sufficient presence in flood setting for navigating rural backwaters at around 30mph, warning of ruts, holes and of course, excrement from around three hundred and fifty yards. Not impressed? Well, oncoming 4x4s dipped their beams from about four hundred yards and with all guns blazing; forest trails were easily tackled at 23mph.

Toggling between modes is child’s play courtesy of the clever handlebar mounted switch featuring an integral colour coordinated indicator, which automatically kicks down to conserve battery life- meaning you’ll always stand a sporting chance of getting home safely. However, careful positioning of the lamp is essential to prevent dazzling and potentially more serious injury to rabbits and other small mammals. The same rule follows through the suburbs and round town, dropping to the sidelights gives plenty of presence to at least 350 yards without being lost among the festive illuminations or causing undue distress to oncoming vehicles and pedestrians. Bonita (Sales@magicshineuk.co.uk) kindly supplied our sample but those of you living in a different corner of our globe might like to wander round to http://www.magicshine.com/ for a dealer closer to home. Winter also brings wet, smelly feet. Not everyone likes overshoes or indeed the bootie type road/mtb footwear. To address this particular affliction and therefore, potential social isolation, Stuffits have dropped their shoe-dryers on my doorstep. Basically,these foot-shaped inserts sit in the shoes overnight whereby the aromatic red cedar filling and dual wicking fabric outer suck the moisture out. This extends to the half a pint of sweat (probably more under strenuous riding) emanated by our tootsies, thus keeping odour at bay. Available in a choice of pink, red or black and in men and women specific sizes, early impressions seem favourable, supping away most of the moisture assumed in ninety minutes’ soggy riding in seven hours but I’ll add some more provocative elements to the mix before drawing final conclusions. If you can’t wait until then they’ll command a very reasonable £24.95.

Slipping into a seasonal lull isn’t an option for me and a lot of fellow freelancers seem sympathetic to this philosophy. Continued momentum and avoidance of creative paralysis induced by too much introspection is crucial. This might involve features planning and similarly familiar territory or something more grandiose. My late father wrote several books and without leaving myself open to overtly simplistic “A” level Freudian theory, I’d like to follow in his size nines. Potential collaborators have been only too keen to rally enthusiasm but to date haven’t delivered anything tangible so it may be a question of blazing the trail myself.
The other avenue I’m (cautiously) keen to pursue in an artistic/semi commercial context is fine art/model photography…Traditionally this has proved a minefield thanks to the falling prices of high quality camera equipment attracting the unfavourable “Guy With Camera” who has no other objective than to letch at women for his own personal and deeply sordid gratification. Stories concerning this particularly unsavoury genre of male are legend-the most poignant example being of a model looking to expand her fashion portfolio. Having answered an advert, she arrived at the address (A dingy back street flat) to discover she was expected to assume a wealth of “Glamour” poses (Despite expressing in no uncertain terms she was only prepared to do fully clothed catalogue assignments). When she refused to pose on all fours wearing nothing but a G-string, GWC showed his true, vile colours but thankfully she managed to make good her escape-unharmed.
Unfortunately, semi/professionals with proper credentials, location and a female chaperone to avoid compromised integrity are all too often tarred with this ruinously mucky brush. Running said risk, I would be interested in working with aspiring models on an images-for-portfolio basis in a UK studio setting. Models will need to verify they’re at least twenty-one years old (driving licence, passport or similar photo ID), bring a chaperone of their own and be prepared to sign a model release/consent form before shooting commences. Want to know more? Feel free to drop me an email: Roadpathtoenlightenment@gmail.com

Cometh December, Cometh The Dayglow

Drifting through to December brings with it the joys of day-glow. Prime examples to land at my door are these Proviz gloves and Altura night vision socks. At a whisker below £25, the former boast a windproof and water repellent laminated polyester exterior and micro fibre palm proliferated with silicone dots for a superlative, all conditions grip. The ubiquitous gel/foam ulnar padding is relatively low density, which works better for me, since the pronounced types are prone to inducing precisely the discomfort they were intended to alleviate. Thinner, wind blocking fabric makes for nimble fingers, enabling photo opportunities and less glamorous roadside puncture purges without necessitating removal. Speaking of which, they’ll resist heavy rain to the tune of thirty, maybe forty minutes-depending on how we’re defining cloudburst but mercifully, things stay toasty inside and there’s no danger of extracting a limp, soggy liner come the ed of an inclement training run. For the feet, Altura have taken their night vision concept to the logical, if slightly quirky conclusion. Available in warm orange (my preference) or the acid trip neon yellow, they’re made of common or garden Coolmax and do most things very well, albeit not on the same terms as Merino wool. However, the safety aspect works best with 3/4lengths which might not be everyone’s first choice in the depths of winter-although again, this is highly dependant on where you are in the world…
Those two frames have emerged from the curing ovens with new red and blue liveries. I’m still none the wiser as to their heritage but the suspected Holdsworth was badly nibbled, especially along the chain and seat stays, disguised by a thicker coat of powder since the customer was reluctant to foot the bill for more extensive filler-based preparation. Graham noticed some imperfections in the final colour coat induced by the seepage of residual oils languishing within the tubes. Fearing another trip through the blast cabinet would induce structural damage (even left softening in the stripping tank overnight) he addressed this by rubbing flat and introducing further, light coats, passing through the oven once more. John Doe’s chrome plate rear triangle and forks were of the lick and promise variety, vanishing with the introduction of gentle aluminium oxide particles. This was a moot point since the customer wasn’t looking to replicate the original effect and the parent metal gives a much better key for the colour coats.

A quick look around their holding bay gives an insight into the country’s wider mood. More and more people are having basic children’s frames refinished and passed to younger siblings. This is indicative of a very different mood that has replaced the buy new ethos for may working families frightened for their futures, economic and otherwise.

Elsewhere, I’ve been revisiting my series of children’s stories penned some years ago and aside from strengthening the characterisation, I’m hoping to generate sufficient publisher interest. Having seen my late father successfully publish several academic titles during the 1980s I am acutely aware of publisher resistance to “unproven” or previously unpublished authors but this is just a phenomenon I will have accept and ultimately overcome.

Getting Some (Carbon) Fibre in Your Diet

It seems you can’t move for the once precious composite these days, although in stark contrast, budget/unbranded ‘cross forks have become rarer than the proverbial rocking horse dropping. Imagine my joy having uncovered this ITM Visa. Languishing in storage for a few years, some telltale tarnish was evident around the bosses but easily purged with a gentle tickling from the wire brush so they’ll be adorning the Ilpompino come the first available opportunity. Detailing is generally to a better standard than the OEM type, especially the polished alloy ends, although I’ve no doubt these emerged from the same factory in the far east simply dressed in different decals. Transplant surgery will be performed by Riverside Cycle Centre come the New Year since I have more pressing matters at hand and he has the full compliment of headset tools… Elsewhere on the carbon front comes Blackburn Airstik SL. Weighing a ridiculously svelte 57g (including bracket), it sports the marques legendary build quality and lifetime warranty, so the perfect stocking filler for bikes/riders on calorie controlled diets that puncture infrequently. Blackburn claim 160psi is possible and I quite believe them, although I collapsed in a heap after 120psi and five minutes sustained, rhythmic effort. Speaking of which, rain, sleet and snow present all manner of hazards, not least greatly impaired visibility and this is true whether you wear prescription or standard, polycarbonate three-lens systems. The old lick of washing up liquid around the rims of goggles, glasses and visors is a great homely remedy that goes a long way to curing annoying and potentially dangerous fogging but this high tech Sal Clear TTX hydrophobic spray leaves behind a glossy, water repellent barrier that sees rain-water, mud and spray slide from prescription lenses, generic sports eye wear and even camera lenses. Since it works on gravity, not speed utility riders have as much to gain from its’ properties as first category road racers. Safe on polycarbonates and similar plastics, it’ll buff a helmet to a water repellent, showroom shine in a matter of minutes and works a treat on mirrors and humble bar mounted computers too. Longevity is in piece of string territory since it will depend where you and your bike live and a host of similar environmental factors but I’m still cruising around on the first application-three weeks and three hundred or so miles on

Meanwhile, back in the spray shop, Maldon Shot blasting & Powder Coating have had a procession of interesting frames through the door recently, most notably a classic Raleigh steel chassis and this contemporary Specialized fixer-both undergoing a satin black rebirth.Every so often a beater catches my imagination and this sorry looking John Doe with tarnished electroplate rear triangle is a prime example. There’s no obvious clue as to its heritage and the forks may/not be original…Destined to be reborn in 5012 “Ninja” Blue, I suspect the existing electroplate will be stripped to the parent steel and painted accordingly…

Arguably of better pedigree and possibly hailing from the late 1950s is this battle weary red frameset. I’m not sure since surface corrosion around the bottom bracket shell obscures any numbers but it could even be a Holdsworth of similar vintage to my Zephyr …Watch this space.